Can You Hear Me Now?

I just watched a photo montage about the way we (Society)  communicate and spend time with each other in 2014. Through the reflection in my laptop screen I saw the words "GUILTY" and "LOSER"!

The video showed real life photo clips of people, groups, couples, parents with children. Instead of walking through the most beautiful gardens and admiring the flowers..she has her face planted on her phone.....there is a lovely baby in a stroller at the park - so cute - but his Dad is sitting on a bench with his nose in his phone messages, missing the opportunity to bond. That girl's night or date night you've been planning for weeks? Well, you look up to see your friends or partner looking at their phone... not engaging in conversation. It's time for lunch...oops...let me grab my cell phone and put it on the table just in case I get a text or call that is way more important than breathing in your space. Hang on...I'll be right there to lend a hand that you desperately need....as soon as I finish gathering corn in my make-believe app I downloaded from the PlayStore. Instead of holding hands...we hold our phones. Instead of talking to each other face-to-face, we put up the wall of a phone between us ~ throw up the index finger and say "Hang on a sec...I need to answer this".

Yes, I am SO Guilty...of all of it (even though I don't play app games). Slowly the need, the urgent need to be connected, stay connected takes over the quality time that humans need...that we desire...that makes us happy and feel desired. I wasted my time with my family and friends - and I have so little let in the World - by reaching for/looking at/searching for/making sure it's charged/ my phone. G-U-I-L-T-Y!

I am vowing to change this... in me. I will put down my phone more and pick up a pen to write a nice note. I want to call more and text less. I want to blog my thoughts instead of Facebook them. Want to stay connected with me? Then stay connected. I'm not naive to think that I will take an electronic break...but I will begin to value my relationships more in real-life/real-time. I won't continue to be a slave to technology and be bound through lunch or dinner by a phone. I want to hold your hand...both of them...at the same time and stare in your eyes when we talk ~ I want you to want the same things.

I don't want the reality of my relationships to be in a photo montage on Youtube.

Let's hang up the phone and hang on to each other!

Peace

Did You Notice?

I opened up the online news today at lunch and what did my little eyes spy??

My eyes spied something truly liberating! I wondered why I felt a shift in the air...a lightness...a sweetness. And there in black & white I say the words that caused my heart to jump. The eloquently printed words of an obituary....I smiled as I read each one!

There are only a few people in the world that I truly despise because of the abuse and coldness that they brought to my life and the life of my children. The hateful, cold-bloodied, mean-spirited, evil, hearts that dwell within them and the damage that they inflicted, will be a part of us  - a part of our past - for the rest of our lives. I always said that once they began to die off, the rejoicing of freedom can begin!

So, one down....

I should feel sad for the family... find a way to feel sorry for their pain, their grief....

Nope ~ I've got nothing (but a little skip in my step).

Peace~!

Humpty Dumpty

Sometimes I feel a little like Humpty Dumpty. You know..."Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. And all of the King's horses and all of the King's men...couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again".

Okay ~ something, like that.

Every stinking time I turn around something on me is falling apart! Be it a liver..my hands, my back, my hearing, or just a flipping hangnail. Its. Always. Something!

Today - my eyes! I knew my vision has worsened over several months and I have been deperately clinging to a little cheap pair of cheaters to see things I want to see. My arm just couldn't get any longer!! My annual exam revealed a need for progressive lenses (cough...hmmm..bifocals...). There is also a teensy pressure  in the right eye that will be monitored. Seriously??

I texted my loving, tolerate husband the update - and the COST (insert the visual if you will: face palm and shaking of the head.....)

Me: "Did you see that I text you that I transferred money for my glasses? Sorry, I didn't expect the expense.."

Him: "Yeah. Saw it. Had to be done. I love u"

Me: "I love you too...Damn aging." (I went on to tell him about the pressure issue....)

Him: " I'm going to have to get you some WD40, duct tape and superglue soon"

Me: "Ha, sounds kinky"

Him: "Your funny".

Yeah...I'm just a riot!

Peace

I'm Lazy and I Know It

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. ~Jules Renard
I have no earthly idea who Jules Renard is (though I'm sure Google can tell me in a click); but I'm just too damn lazy to worry about it. Instead, I just inserted his quote to boost the subject of this post!

I'm generally NOT a lazy person. I don't sleep in, take naps, lounge around on weekends or wait for things to magically happen. No Sir ~ I am not THAT type of lazy (the good kind); I am just a physically lazy individual! Ummm... maybe the right term is "unmotivated".

Potato...potata...Lazy/Unmotivated to get off my growing ass and do anything healthy to make it smaller!

Yea, yea...I've Pinned all of the standard fitness motivation quotes, I've pinned the recipes and the exercise routines. I've even gone so far as to buy some DVDs and new work-out shirts. Still, I can't imagine why in the world I have not lost any weight whatsoever! What more am I supposed to do?
Can't we just do this thing without having to do this thing?

I lay in bed at night and tell myself. "Self, tomorrow morning is the day we get our ass in gear and out of bed at 4:30 am, 5:00 am, 5:30 am, um....5:45 am at 6:00 am and do some working out before I hit the shower at 6:15 am! Got it Girlfriend??? Tomorrow, tomorrow...I love you Tomorrow...."

The problem is that Tomorrow morning comes and goes - then I start a similar dialogue with myself again around noon'ish "Self...as soon as we get home we are gonna change clothes and take a walk/do some yoga/get out those exercise cards. No excuses!" My-self can really be a pain in my ass sometimes. She talks way too much and is constantly nagging me!  Geesh - would you lighten up???

By the time I get home I have already pissed 'my-self' off so much from all of the nagging that I'm not in the mood. Hense the whole vicious cycle starts all over again...and again..

I've heard it (and probably pinned it) that it just starts with a single step....beginning is the place to start....no pain no gain....yada, yada...

Isn't there a suitable tried-and-true expercise plan for the truly lazy woman??

I'll be sure to look that up...

Tomorrow.

Peace!

Happy Step Mother's Day (?)

I NEVER knew there was such a day until this year. Wow...it's about damn time that Step Mothers....the good ones....are given a day of recognition! Does Hallmark make Step-Mothers Day card??

Being a Step Mother is a tough job. I can say with honesty that I have always tried to be a good SM...I loved the kids as my own...treated them as my own and didn't give a rats-ass who birthed them. Even in the frustrating times of trying to win love and acceptance - in the times I threw my hands up and said 'to hell with it - I give up', I just KNEW that this was not the relationship that I expected or knew we would have at the end of the day. I hung in there and continued to love through those tough times...and sometimes it wasn't easy and I other times I just flat didn't want to try anymore. I never disrespected or belittled their time with their other Mothers; I may have had to bite my tongue, but I showed my support. I stood still and never wavered in my desire to love them...and to tell them, show them that, come hell or high water, I wasn't going anywhere and we all just needed to suck it up and love each other! Today I am thankful for those Mothers who gave me the most loving and wonderful children!

I feel saddened for the OTHER Step~Mothers .... the ones who don't embrace the children of their spouse. The SM that seethe bitterness and anger towards the children born to another Mother - in a different time and place. They never 'get it' and therefore miss out of some amazing children. Those mothers lack, and never gain, maturity that comes with unconditional love and acceptance. They miss out on the joys of childhood and the feeling that comes from hugs and laughter. I am happy I never became one of THOSE.

To my Step children (who don't read my blog)...I LOVE YOU ENDLESSLY! Thank you for the hard times...thank you for the good times...thank you for giving me a shot!

Peace

So This is What Quiet Is?

The house is empty, except for me and the two dogs. They are probably sleeping in a closet or on my bed....maybe, definitely. Rich is drilling - I'm alone.

Actually, our youngest son moved away last weekend and for a couple of days, before Rich left for his business trip, for the FIRST time ever....Rich and I experienced what it feels like to live together....alone...just the two of us.

It.Felt.Weird!

The house felt empty and sad...then again, I think it was just us that felt empty and sad. Our home has always been full, or occupied. Voices, laughing, tears, yelling, chatter, questions, answers, hugs. Now....silence. It may take a while to get comfortable with this new feeling; before the place fills up again in a month.

Anywhooo...so Rich traveled this past week for a few days leaving me ALONE.
And I was Ok!
In the past I had real emotional issues with being alone. I think my anxiety and fear of loneliness, of being with myself...by myself....and fighting the demons of grief....has faded.

Today, I feel .... well, I feel just fine. Maybe a little bored with Rich at drill, but I'm not cowered in the corner in tears and my heart in my throat.

It feels wonderful to be at a place I never thought I could reach about 4 1/2 years ago when I started this blog. I'm not sure when I evolved...only that I did and I am so happy.

Did you read that??? I am happy!

Peace!

Mother's Day Reflection

Mother's Day.
I didn't cry yesterday.
I didn't grieve for the amazing woman I no longer have in my life.
I can say a zillion times
(and I do)
that I miss my Mother.
I say often that I will love her eternally
I do...I will
My love is not enough to bring
her back, or to unwind
time.
I carry on - I breath...I love
I focused on my children
my grandchildren
my husband
The life that I am living now.
Because of her.
For her.


Peace

Always Worth the Hassle

Never once in the life of my children did I ever say to myself..."they aren't worth the fight.....not worth the Hassle". These two children God gave me were worth every single fight, every single tear, every single hassle, every single beat of my heart.

Now I'm a grandmother....Grandmama to some amazing grandchildren. My gift from my children. I would lay it all down for these little people...as much as I would for their parents...my children.

I've let my anger simmer recently. My grandson's first birthday celebration was today. What a joy and honor to be a part of that! Another of my grandchildren's grandparent didn't come...he said it wasn't worth the fight...wasn't worth the hassle.  When you look into the eyes of those sweet souls....how can you say that?

I am blessed by my children and grandchildren...they are worth it all.

Peace (to you who will never get it).

Let's Makeup

I am my Mother's daughter through and through. Each and every day I think I become more like her...and I could not be happier. I am forgetful, clumsy, I laugh at everything (now), I can be a bit if a smart airhead, I love butterflies, bright colors, matching, and makeup! That gal was a hell of a woman!

I recently traveled on business and spent plenty of time in observation at airports, rest stops and restaurants. One thing I notice about women is that it seems at some certain age...women seem to give up. Or maybe they did that long ago...or never cared what society thought....but they gave up being concerned about their outward appearance. I found myself looking at women of all ages (I tend to people watch A LOT)....and see the fresh faced younger generation who are beautiful whether they  are "made up" or not. I envy their self confidence and their flawless beauty without any enhancements whatsoever. Then I find myself looking at the mid-aged woman..she tends to go bare faced. Maybe she is tired of the rat-race of makeup and needs to be able to breath her skin. Okay... more power to ya!

But then I notice a trend...the bare face lends itself the ruddy completion that comes with not taking care of the skin through moisturizing..the eyebrows become non-important and unkempt. The pattern turns to long, straight, non-clean-looking hair that it graying and frazzled... followed by clothes that are baggy, saggy and mismatched. I find myself wondering what the spirit and soul of the woman I observe it like. Is she happy? Does she look in the mirror day after day and smile at how she looks? At her self-confidence?  Sometimes, admittedly..and shamefully....I look at her and wonder what the hell is she thinking? She would look so much better if she tweezed her eyebrows...used moisturizer...maybe a light sweep of mascara and a tinted lip balm...didn't wear Crocs as everyday shoes with baggy checkered pants with white socks. Wouldn't she really look amazing with 4 inches cut off and a nice flattering layer cut?

Yes, I judge. But then I think of her boldness. Her "who-the-hell-cares attitude? The I'm-beautiful-just-the-way-I-am personality. I wish I could be as comfortable in my own skin. I long to look at myself, no makeup, non-done hair, casual clothes, fresh and ready to go. I'm not programmed that way, I guess.

Until then, I will continue to channel my inner-Mother and say, bring on the enhancements,

Peace.