When the doctor laid first laid a little tiny person in my arms and told me I had to take him home with me....I was beyond scared. I was just a kid not far beyond my 18th birthday. I'd only had my driver's license for less than 2 years - I hadn't even voted yet. What if I broke him?
What were they thinking?
Yet, here it is almost 30 years later and he still has all of his major body parts. A scratch hear and there but relatively still intact. His sister came along two years later, and by then I thought I had it all fiigured out! How difficult could one more be? It didn't take long to find out - and it didn't take long to figure it out! She was, and always has been, a pistol and a half - her own person inside and out! She is still as beautiful as the day she was born - just a heck of a lot taller!
My husband gave me a son 17 years ago to care for - he was the cutest little bug at 7 years old when I met him at Walmart. Rich sure knew how to play the I've-got-a-cute-kid card along with the I'm-a-hard-working-single-dad card...I fell hook, line and sinker in love with both of them! Another benefit was another son on the west coast. I wouldn't meet him for several years later but my heart was already his and I hoped one day his would be mine.
It's been a marriage of ups and downs; mostly ups. Rich and I did our best to raise all of our children to be successful in their own right, responsible, loving & caring adults. We ended up doing just what we set out to do - or they ended up that way in spite of us.
Our youngest is getting ready to finally leave the nest and fly into his future with everything he has. As his mother I still see him as that little boy. Recently he was telling me about his plans and that it was time for him to follow his dream and go - I caught myself for the first time looking at my son and realizing that he had grown up. He was an adult now...a grown man. How and when did that happen? Where did it all go?
The heartbeats that were once strong and loud when we were one big crazy family - the time when money was slim and we talked around the dining room table, had bonfires in the backyard, traveled together, and just lived....grow fainterwith each passing into adulthood. A sign that my husband and I have done the best we could with what we had...and most of the time all we had had was love beyond measure for our children. It's also a sign that we are getting older as they get older and half of our life is over. For now...our hearts continue to beat for the joy of seeing who our children have and are becoming; for the families they have and will have. It goes on - long after we are gone.
Peace.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
The Long Way Home
Spending time over the weekend with my childhood best friend was ah-mazing. As we laughed and talked about the simple life in the sleepy little town of our youth, I walked away longing to go back Home.
Just one more time.
I want to pull into the driveway again and step up the rickety stairs on the side of "the house" and walk into the Kitchen. I want to sit around the kitchen table with my mother and talk over gallons of coffee...to hear my daddy's commanding laugh over some ridiculous television show. I want to go back to my childhood and replay the years spent straddling the floor furnace to get warm on early school mornings - eight scrawny legs and one weenie dog lined up over the furnace to warm our buns.
I want to wait with legs crossed to use the one tiny bathroom; I want to stand in my bedroom door and watch my mother put on her makeup in the hallway mirror. To slid down the back yard hill when it snows; to sit at the top in the Spring when I wanted to be alone and contemplate life. I want to hang upside down from the front porch rails again, do cartwheels in the front yard, scourer the lawn for four-leaf clovers and lie on the front sidewalk and look at the star. My feet yearn to walk the path again to the rec center to swim in the summers, and to trod the familiar streets to school; to walk the through the rooms of that little house and feel the years, memories and sadness once again.
I want to relive the hugs, the kisses, the groundings, and a couple of the spankings (okay, maybe not so much that). I want to go fishing again with Daddy on Saturday and taste Mama's taco salad after church on Sunday. I want to feel their lips on mine as only a parent kisses their child.
I want to go back to that last Thanksgiving...that last month.
The house that raised me...that raised my children...that loved me.
I want those years back knowing what I know now. I won't take advantage of it - I will breath it in and wrap myself up in everything that house and those years had to offer. I would pay attention to the details and try my damnest to commit every single second to permanent memory.
Just.Once.More.
Back Home.
Peace.
Just one more time.
I want to pull into the driveway again and step up the rickety stairs on the side of "the house" and walk into the Kitchen. I want to sit around the kitchen table with my mother and talk over gallons of coffee...to hear my daddy's commanding laugh over some ridiculous television show. I want to go back to my childhood and replay the years spent straddling the floor furnace to get warm on early school mornings - eight scrawny legs and one weenie dog lined up over the furnace to warm our buns.
I want to wait with legs crossed to use the one tiny bathroom; I want to stand in my bedroom door and watch my mother put on her makeup in the hallway mirror. To slid down the back yard hill when it snows; to sit at the top in the Spring when I wanted to be alone and contemplate life. I want to hang upside down from the front porch rails again, do cartwheels in the front yard, scourer the lawn for four-leaf clovers and lie on the front sidewalk and look at the star. My feet yearn to walk the path again to the rec center to swim in the summers, and to trod the familiar streets to school; to walk the through the rooms of that little house and feel the years, memories and sadness once again.
I want to relive the hugs, the kisses, the groundings, and a couple of the spankings (okay, maybe not so much that). I want to go fishing again with Daddy on Saturday and taste Mama's taco salad after church on Sunday. I want to feel their lips on mine as only a parent kisses their child.
I want to go back to that last Thanksgiving...that last month.
The house that raised me...that raised my children...that loved me.
I want those years back knowing what I know now. I won't take advantage of it - I will breath it in and wrap myself up in everything that house and those years had to offer. I would pay attention to the details and try my damnest to commit every single second to permanent memory.
Just.Once.More.
Back Home.
Peace.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
The Sisterhood of Us
Miles...life...years...circumstance.
Those are the things that stood in the place of our our youth and our mid-adulthood. Yesterday I picked up an amazing woman that, although I feel as I've known her my whole life - we spent almost two hours in the car meeting, greeting and sharing. As we arrived at our destination, we had become best friends who share a best friend.
Here we were... three women bonded by friendship and the remembrance of innocence ...youth...history. Over wine, pizza, coffee and cheesecake we solidified the relationship we had longed for and needed. We laughed, we cried, we talked, we listened, we empathized/sympathized and opened wide the doors of honesty, pain and grief. My goodness...how cleansing that was! To speak without fear or judgement, to listen with honesty and compassion - to be truly heard and seen!
As the hours eased into a new day we took to our sleeping corners and rested. When the sun rose and the coffee brewed, we each found our way to our beautiful host's king-size bed where we laid for hours talking and laughing all over again. Three grown women - scarred by life's daggers but oblivious to messy hair, dark eye circles, weight, gray hair, wrinkles or cellulite. We were transformed into three giggly girls from 35 years ago - it was a beautiful 24 hours!
So, my friends...my sisterhood...my yaya's....I am changed by your friendship. Thank you!
Peace
Those are the things that stood in the place of our our youth and our mid-adulthood. Yesterday I picked up an amazing woman that, although I feel as I've known her my whole life - we spent almost two hours in the car meeting, greeting and sharing. As we arrived at our destination, we had become best friends who share a best friend.
Here we were... three women bonded by friendship and the remembrance of innocence ...youth...history. Over wine, pizza, coffee and cheesecake we solidified the relationship we had longed for and needed. We laughed, we cried, we talked, we listened, we empathized/sympathized and opened wide the doors of honesty, pain and grief. My goodness...how cleansing that was! To speak without fear or judgement, to listen with honesty and compassion - to be truly heard and seen!
As the hours eased into a new day we took to our sleeping corners and rested. When the sun rose and the coffee brewed, we each found our way to our beautiful host's king-size bed where we laid for hours talking and laughing all over again. Three grown women - scarred by life's daggers but oblivious to messy hair, dark eye circles, weight, gray hair, wrinkles or cellulite. We were transformed into three giggly girls from 35 years ago - it was a beautiful 24 hours!
So, my friends...my sisterhood...my yaya's....I am changed by your friendship. Thank you!
Peace
Friday, February 21, 2014
Really???
I actually spent time on the airport writing an amazing....witty....engaging post that i planned to post once I landed and got to wi-fi.
No, its not this one. Its the one that didn't save to "draft" and it disappeared.
:/
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Taking it Old School
Sometimes the best friendships in life are found in the friendships from the past...the ones formed in innocence and nutured in life's experiences. Recently I have been encouraged and strengthened by a 'best-friend'ship from my youth. She and I were inseperable when we were in junir high and high school; even through the initial year after high school - until life, distance and more life took us down different paths. This was back in days before cell phones and internet and the only affordable means of communication was an occassional letter across the miles. As with the way things happen, we lost touch and we lost the bond that we had when we promised to be best friends forever (BFF).
I've had a couple of 'best friends' over these past 25 years. Some that I couldn't imagine my life without until they were gone or faded away into their own lives and no longer needed me. I'm a firm believer that people come in and out our lives for different reasons - to add to who we are and in turn, take what you add to theirs. I would not be the ME I am today without each and every 'girlfriend' I had in my life.
Life came full circle not long ago and my BFF are back together. Its exciting to know there is 25 years of life that we have yet to discover about each other - and years of life to share together moving forward. The bond is still there...it's was never broken; only stretched to allow others in and life to happen.
Peace.
I've had a couple of 'best friends' over these past 25 years. Some that I couldn't imagine my life without until they were gone or faded away into their own lives and no longer needed me. I'm a firm believer that people come in and out our lives for different reasons - to add to who we are and in turn, take what you add to theirs. I would not be the ME I am today without each and every 'girlfriend' I had in my life.
Life came full circle not long ago and my BFF are back together. Its exciting to know there is 25 years of life that we have yet to discover about each other - and years of life to share together moving forward. The bond is still there...it's was never broken; only stretched to allow others in and life to happen.
Peace.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Tipping the Wagon....
I often referred to myself as a 'casual' drinker. You know the kind... you/I go to the doctor and they ask the whole series of questions about your/my habits:
"Do you smoke?" - No.
"Have you ever smoked"? - Yes.
"Do you drink"? - Yes.
"How much would you say you drink"? - Occassionally, maybe a couple of glasses of wine a week.
The part I flub on is that my 'occassionally' was almost every-single-night.
Seriously!
I have made it 8 whole days without a drink!
I thought because I drank 'occassionally' that it would be a breeze to just...S-T-O-P. It hasn't been. I used to be an 'occassional' smoker too; never 'hooked' and could 'stop whenever I felt like it' (and did off & on for many years). That ended up being a tough habit to break!
When you first stop something (not a cigarrette has passed my lips in more than 5-6 years!!!) that becomes a habit, you/I consciously think about it every day...all day. At work I start to psych myself up for when I go home to not drink. When I'm home I find myself physically talking Me through many 'withdrawel' moments until I go to bed.
And eating??? Oh my word! I have been eating non-stop at home! Instead of reaching for a glass of wine or other alcoholic treat out of bordom or habit, I am constantly rummaging through the cabinets to find something else to fill the gap!!
So to say I have made it through 8 days...may not seem like a lot; trust me when I say - it.is.a.big.accomplishment!
On to Day 9!
Peace!
"Do you smoke?" - No.
"Have you ever smoked"? - Yes.
"Do you drink"? - Yes.
"How much would you say you drink"? - Occassionally, maybe a couple of glasses of wine a week.
The part I flub on is that my 'occassionally' was almost every-single-night.
Seriously!
I have made it 8 whole days without a drink!
I thought because I drank 'occassionally' that it would be a breeze to just...S-T-O-P. It hasn't been. I used to be an 'occassional' smoker too; never 'hooked' and could 'stop whenever I felt like it' (and did off & on for many years). That ended up being a tough habit to break!
When you first stop something (not a cigarrette has passed my lips in more than 5-6 years!!!) that becomes a habit, you/I consciously think about it every day...all day. At work I start to psych myself up for when I go home to not drink. When I'm home I find myself physically talking Me through many 'withdrawel' moments until I go to bed.
And eating??? Oh my word! I have been eating non-stop at home! Instead of reaching for a glass of wine or other alcoholic treat out of bordom or habit, I am constantly rummaging through the cabinets to find something else to fill the gap!!
So to say I have made it through 8 days...may not seem like a lot; trust me when I say - it.is.a.big.accomplishment!
On to Day 9!
Peace!
Saturday, January 4, 2014
And....It's Cold and I'm Whiny!
Can I just say for the record (not sure whose record...maybe just mine) that I HATE COLD WEATHER! When you live in Alabama, where we usually have four seasons a year - cold winter weather is almost the worst one! Even when it's cold the humidity cuts right through to the bone! You almost can't come back to a normal body temperature once it hits your core!
How cold is it??
It's the kind of cold where I wish that if it's going to be this cold...snow already!!! Give us something to be cold about! Geesh Mother Nature! Then again, we can't handle snow flurries! Awww, Lawd...the World done gone and got crazy if a snow flake falls up in here! People forget how to drive, the schools close three days in advance, and there is a mad dash on the Piggly Wiggly for bread, milk and eggs (you know, for french toast!)! As it is, yesterday - F-R-I-D-A-Y, the schools announced a 2-3 hour delay for M-O-N-D-A-Y......are we expecting a blizzard??? No - just 8 degrees temperatures! Seriously, delayed just because its 'going' to be cold! Yep, folks....you have heard it all now!
It's hard to whine about 23 degrees right now when our friends up North are digging out of 8 feet of snow with no sign of reprieve! But, I still find a way to do it!
Peace (and warm tasty toes)
How cold is it??
It's the kind of cold where I wish that if it's going to be this cold...snow already!!! Give us something to be cold about! Geesh Mother Nature! Then again, we can't handle snow flurries! Awww, Lawd...the World done gone and got crazy if a snow flake falls up in here! People forget how to drive, the schools close three days in advance, and there is a mad dash on the Piggly Wiggly for bread, milk and eggs (you know, for french toast!)! As it is, yesterday - F-R-I-D-A-Y, the schools announced a 2-3 hour delay for M-O-N-D-A-Y......are we expecting a blizzard??? No - just 8 degrees temperatures! Seriously, delayed just because its 'going' to be cold! Yep, folks....you have heard it all now!
It's hard to whine about 23 degrees right now when our friends up North are digging out of 8 feet of snow with no sign of reprieve! But, I still find a way to do it!
Peace (and warm tasty toes)
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