From Afgahanistan to the Cotton Row....

4 Huntsville soldiers to run Cotton Row in Afghanistan

Monday, May 31, 2010

Huntsville Times

As you read this, our nation remains involved in two wars: Iraq and Afghanistan, where brave men and women serve daily, fulfilling their sacred oath to "bear true faith and allegiance" to the Constitution of the United States, the cornerstone of our democracy.

Since the beginning of our nation, thousands have served in similar circumstances, and equally thousands have paid the ultimate price for "we the people."

Freedom is not free, and the holiday we commemorate today, Memorial Day, is that one special occasion where we as a nation pay homage to those in the Armed Forces who have died for a cause greater than self. We are the beneficiaries of their great sacrifice and their ever-living examples of honor, selfless service, integrity and courage.

For those actively serving today, Memorial Day is not only a day of mourning for fallen comrades in arms, but a solemn renewal of our duty, recognizing that we stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us.

The annual Memorial Day Cotton Row Run, in particular organizer Wayne Smith, has long paid special recognition to those members of the military who are serving in far-flung parts of the world, especially those in combat.

This year for the first time, four members of the 1960th Contingency Contracting Team, based in Huntsville, will be participating from two locations in Afghanistan: Kandahar and Bagram. Their plan is to begin the run early in the morning before the heat (120-plus degrees) and dust make it too tough to turn respectable times in to the run officials; they remain very competitive.

For these Alabama Army National Guard members, Huntsville is home; it is where they will return to and live after their 12-month deployment. Each is a volunteer and on his second combat deployment.

The four soldier runners are Capt. Jeff Campbell, Staff Sgt. Lesly "Rich" Richardson (Kandahar Airfield), Capt. Todd Floyd and Staff Sgt. Daniel Martin (Bagram Airfield). They see their participation in the Cotton Row Run as an affirmation of their role as citizen soldiers, and connection to the family, friends, and neighbors who continue to sustain them in all they do.

In the King James Bible (Ecclesiastes 3) there is a paragraph that talks to the seasons of one's life. "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up?

Memorial Day is that time to "build up," in the sure knowledge that we are a nation blessed with patriots, both past and present.

To Capt. Jeff Campbell, Staff Sgt. Lesly Richardson, Capt. Todd Floyd and Sgt. Daniel Martin, we thank you and wish you Godspeed and a safe return home to Cotton Row Run 2011.

Maj. Ken Arnold, a contracting contingency officer with the 279th Army Field Support Brigade out of Huntsville and a former Huntsville city councilman, returned last November from Kandahar, Afghanistan, where he wrote a weekly Soldier's Diary chronicling his six-month deployment.

(P.S. Run times were: Todd 23:32, Daniel 27:34, Rich 29:37, Jeff 34:15)

Marking a Milestone....

Today is Day....

of deployment. I promised myself that I would do SOMETHING to mark the passing 25 days at a time. At day 25 I had a full heart scan and 'work-up' done to check for any potential health issues (all was clear)!

So, I slept in until 8am...sent my Honey an email. We played email tag for a bit and never did connect! Argh.....

My day tripping started with a ...
Pedicure. It wasn't as pretty as the pictures I found ...but it was nice. Well, there was this one part where the pedicurist massaged my lower legs and feet with a salt scrub. Sounds nice, huh? It hurts like hell! Especially on freshly shaved skin! As she scrubbed my skin with her scented salt scrub...I would winch in pain, at this she thought I was reveling in the relaxation and would increase her pressure. By the time she rinsed my legs off the stinging was almost unbearable! No lie...my legs were blotchy-red for about 2 hours! All-in-all, in the end ~ I do have 10 cute, blue-with- flowers, toes to show for my pain and suffering!

Next up - I hit the Mall & Bridgestreet for some retail therapy...
I'm no shopper..but I did manage to pick up a nice comfy pair of brown sandals, jeans and a couple of shirts. Okay - a few. (Sorry Pook!! I'll be transferring a little funds to pay my credit card bill. Don't worry, I did pay for most everything myself...you'll only pay for some)!

Oh, I did hit Clark's for those way too cute black wedges that I put in my last posting. They didn't have my size..I ended up getting a different style, that I already regret buying because it wasn't the style I wanted. Soooo...tomorrow I head back out to return them and will just wait it out and check back another time, maybe order them.

Then, Lunchtime! I LOVE Chick-fil-A!  As I sat there (alone) I realized just how very ALONE I was.  There were red/white/blue balloons all over and families sitting/laughing/talking. I thought about the day....that it'd been 50 days since I last saw my husband. It was also 5 months to the day that Mom died (in 2 days it'll be 5 months since Daddy died). I felt a bit overwhelmed and started to cry. Right there in Chick-fil-A!!! I followed that episode with a brief meltdown in my car.

After reapplying my makeup and putting on lipstick (because Mama said everything looks better with lipstick on)..I went to the post and played......

B-I-N-G-O ~~~~

I spent 4 hours waiting and hoping that I would get to  yell "BINGO"! There were some very serious players there...toting around bags of brightly colored daubers and putting out lucky charms for good mo-jo! I think that's why I didn't win...I arrive empty-handed! I ended up a big fat LOSER, but I had fun.

Now I'm home....having a ...beer for dinner.







I'm also waiting on my incredibly handsome husband to Skype me!  

(This picture is of Pook. He was renovating my parent's home to accomdate my Dad after his heart attack....it started to rain and the wind blew down the plastic barrier after Rich had already gotten ready for bed. He slipped on his shoes and went out to fix the damage).



So...that's how I spent Day 50!

Love, Peace & Another Day Closer!

Wordless Wednesday & I Want it Wednesday...

Okay - I'm playing along with both Wednesday Specials.

Wordless Wednesday............

I Want it Wednesday.........

(I wanted to put of picture of my Honey in his undies, since that is really what I want...but I figured he wouldn't appreciate that as much as I would. Plus, I  will have these shoes a hell of a lot sooner than I'll have my husband back and out of his uniform!)

Peace, Love & Wednesday!

Just to Breathe You In...

I held my breath Saturday as news broke across the sandbox. There was not a rush of panic and disarray for me..I said a prayer - it only takes one - and waited for God to show up. He calmed my fears and gave me a strength that I thought I'd lost along the way of this deployment. After seeing my husband's tired and weary face later in the day (via Skype), I felt the air I had held from the beginning of the day, slowing release.

Before going to bed I broke out the gym bag that held the clothes Rich wore on our last night together.  The bag had remained untouched  all this time.. for 46 days. It took me at least 30 days to bring it from the back of the car into the bedroom. I would even wonder out loud to myself why I just didn't empty the bag and move on; Saturday I got my answer. I knew I had kept the bag intact just for this moment. Surprisingly, after 45 days, nothing smelled..he had only worn the clothes for a few hours. I threw his underwear and socks in the laundry and took out his shirt, put his jeans back in the bag.

I slipped into his shirt to sleep in. I smelled him all around me...felt him...

Jake jumped on the bed to lay beside me, his head on my shoulder. I could hear him as he inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, again and again, his eyes closed. I smiled when I realized that he was breathing in 'his daddy', just as I was breathing in my husband. We fell asleep this way, the lights still on, for a few hours before Jake jumped down to get in his bed.

On Sunday morning I packed the shirt away in a plastic bag for the next time.

Love, Peace & more Peace & Love!

Flashback Friday!

It's Friday. That means another week has come to an end. Despite a minor breakdown earlier in the week ~ I've/we've made it through. Day 42 is coming to a close before long.

In honor of Flashback Friday...here's some memories to share from way back in 2008. (not far back, but it's all I've got at this moment and this computer to share).

Here we are in Hollywood, California ~ July 2008

This trip out was a great deal of fun. We visited an amazing Winery, did the touristy thing in Hollywood.

Toured the Queen Mary, went to Venice Beach, toured Pook's stomping grounds (Long Beach).

Met our grandson, Landden, who was a month old!

Love, Peace & Happy Friday Memories!

Just A Moment....

The "moment" I've had yesterday is slowly passing. I know that today is another opportunity to breath..another chance to live..one more moment to love. Yesterday is gone!

The "moment" came washing through me like a tidal wave yesterday. Completely consuming me, my night, my day, my evening. I woke up in tears and closed my eyes to sleep last night in the same stream of tears. I felt so totally "alone". Friends and family are around..keeping me company or sending messages ~ I appreciate you all so much. I wish I could explain how it feels to be "Me" so that no one will think that it is 'Them'.

How do I explain the deep loneliness that follows me in my heart every day and every night? I miss having my husband with me to share the life we've built together. I miss going to bed with him at night, I miss waking up with him each morning, I miss the touch of his hand on the back of my neck, I miss his voice, I miss his laugh, I miss his kiss. I miss the way he tries to wink, I miss hearing the garage door open and know that he's home, I miss the feeling of his hand in mine when I walk, I miss watching TV with him, I miss seeing him washing his bike, I miss his smile and laughter as Jake wallows over him.

I miss my Mom and Dad.

I go about every day being the strong one, the responsible one, the keeper of everything and everyone, the one that tries desperately to hold "it" together without my husband, so no one will look at me and worry that I'm not.  I'm just one person and I'm doing the best that I can do; I can't do any more. I'm not depressed, I'm not upset, I'm not weak, I'm not having a breakdown. I don't need a hobby. I don't need to volunteer my time or a part-time job in order to 'stay busy' (I have a full-time job) to 'get my mind off things'. I don't focus on or think about 'deployment' every minute of every day ~ I live with the emptiness that it brings about. I'm tired. I don't sleep well some nights and not at all sometimes. I lay awake while moments, responsibilities, conversations, 'things I need to do, should do, don't want to do'... go through my head all fucking night long.

I worry about my husband. Is he safe? Has he slept? Has he taken time to eat? Does he still love me? When he doesn't talk on Skype - just sits there - am I wasting his time? Does he have better things, more useful things to do? Does he miss me? Does he really want to hear about the 'dirt/sand' project at home or that the dogs make me crazy sometimes? I look at the calendar every day and the days seem to just drag on; I tick off each one.

My job consumes my days - not because I'm busy..but because I am in a low-point. I feel "dumbed-down" by it, unmotivated, unchallenged, bored. It hits my self-esteem right below the belt to go to work and feel like my degrees and more than a decade of experience is worthless. No, I don't want to go back to school for my Masters!

I've been sick and not feeling well - I'm tired of pollen and coughing. I'm tired of feeling tired. Yes, I go to the gym 3 days a week ~ no, I don't want to go every day.

There are times that nothing is wrong ~ I'm just quiet. I don't know what to say most times. I start to open my mouth but words don't come. Or I say something and it suddenly feels trivial; who wants to hear about mundane things? I'm tired of eating cereal for dinner. I can't find the motivation to cook. I miss my husband cooking dinner. I miss how we worked together in the kitchen, floating around each other to pull off a great meal.

No, I don't need you to move out. Yes, the dogs make me crazy from time to time; but they also make me smile just watching them play in the back yard. Don't NOT call me because you think I have enough going on and you don't want to bother me. Don't NOT ask me to meet you for dinner or drinks when you ask yourself, "I wonder what Renee's doing". Yes, I'm stressed sometimes and there's nothing you can do to prevent it from happening. I feel "alone" every single day and you can't heal that for me ~ it just is. I don't 'need' anything. I just want my fucking life back and I'm trying to put the pieces back together as quickly as I can! It's okay that I feel down some times and I want you to understand that. I will have 'moments' that last minutes, hours, days...but they will pass. You are not in my way, you don't bother me, you're not causing me stress. Please don't make it about you, because it's not. I can't be top of the world happy and spunky 24/7 - every one is entitled to a down-day; I'm not any different.  Please understand that I'm still grieving (for Rich and for Mom & Dad). I cry for my husband, for my parents, for me, for you, for no reason at all. My tears flow without notice, without shame ~ it's really okay. Each one that falls means that I'm one tear closer to healing.


Love, Peace & This Too Shall Pass!

Sending PVT Joey....

Joey.

I've loved him for 11 years - from the moment Rich brought him home and into our lives. Our relationship grew rapidly and deeply.. before I knew it I had developed this need for him.. this addiction. Just having in him my life makes me happy! I've taken many trips with him (alone and with Rich) ~ we've traveled many States together. He's always discrete and often stays out of sight from others; yet knowing he's with me gives me a sense of comfort. Joey reminds me that I'm never completely alone in the world and that love comes in many forms.

Rich has known about Joey since he came into my life; has accepted him ~ that acceptance alone makes me love my husband even more.  Rich & I haven't spoken to anyone outside of our close family & friends about Joey and my/our relationship with him....people may not truly understand. Only friends and family members have met him and have allowed him to be a part of our lives without the fear of ridicule. I never dreamed I would share my life or my bed with anyone other than Rich, but sometimes.. to just reach out an touch his hand ... I can't let go. Joey represents Home and the Love there.

Until now.

There is something bigger than me... bigger than Joey...that brings about a long separation. He left for deployment today. It was a major decision for me to send him off... hoping he arrives safely at his destination. A year is a long time and I hope that he comes home safely... I trust that Rich will make sure Joey comes home. Watching Joey leave my arms today, with his dog tags hanging from his neck and that crooked smile... saddened me...frightened me...intensified my loneliness for my husband.  I know that it's the right thing for me and for Rich.

I'll miss you, Joey!
Take my Love and Feel of Home to My One True Love!

Love, Peace & Joey to You!