What Not to Wear

My sister inherited our Mother's  amazing style....I inherited her ability to host, nurture and laugh at everything. My style is.....umm,  as my sister told me once...boring. Matronly, is the word I think she used. Well,  she also used the words dull and boring too. Her brutal honesty is a gift from our Dad.
While Rhonda is the shining star in the room and her sense of style is amazing, I am a wallflower next to her. Like Mama, she pulls off bright, flashy, sparkly, fresh clothes.....all colors of the rainbow - sometimes at the same time!

Me? Solid colors...mostly gray. Even my nine year niece told me today when I brought home a new black  skirt, `Aunt Renee, you have lots of those skirts already. That's all you wear every day'. I tried to reason with her that I mix things up, and my navy skirts wasn't black....that I work in a professional office (she rolled her eyes at me). When I can't convince  a 9 year old...I need help!

I'm a plain Jane.

Peace

Changed in a Moment

I changed someone's life today.

I am an HR Manager - that is my job and who I am. I deal with the good, the bad and the absurdity that sometimes comes with the workplace and employees.

Today. I sat down, looked someone in the eye - and changed their life. In a few words I ended their employment, effective immediately. I followed my protocol so gently and professionally - yet, the blow was still a blow.

Then. I went to my office and cried.

People often think that those in my chosen profession have no heart...we are stoic...firm...unyielding...even uncaring. That we can't possible understand what employees go through.

While that may be try for some, it's not true for most. We hurt, we feel, we grieve decisions that we cannot control or prevent, we are employees.

We are people too.

Peace.

The Sound of Butterfly Wings

Sitting on the deck this morning I hear the sound from the trees as the brisk Fall wind rustles the branches. Wrapped in my house coat, I lay my head against my chair and close my eyes. Enjoying the peacefulness of the moment. The wind, thick with the hint of rain, reaches me....covers me. The butterfly windchime begins to play a haunting symphony. The music drowns the wind....I listen to the beautiful song from butterfly wings.

Somewhere in the melody You are there. I don't know when I started to cry but the tears fall with each tickle of sound.  I remember and my heart breaks. 

Mama,  you were the sound that butterfly wings make.

I miss you so much.

Peace

Be Cautious

When your handsome husband ask what your plans are for the day. ... be very cautious. Choose your words very carefully.
You may find yourself on an early morning Home Depot run, planting 10 Japanese boxwoods,  spreading 15 large bags of mulch, and topping it off with loading wood onto a wood holding bench. The rest of the day will be spent resting your wearing bones with a splash of a nap.

Peace.

Dear You

I was wrong.

I'm so sorry.

Friendships come - they go. Some last for a brief season while other's share many, many seasons together throughout a life time. It doesn't have to be an all-consuming, all or nothing, or let's talk every single day, kind of relationship. It's the moments that we are together - whether in body or spirit - that count the most.

Time, distance and life happened along the years. I felt inadequate to be the friend I 'thought' you needed in your life now - not realizing the friend I could be, was all you expected me to be. Instead of running from our differences I should have stood on our common ground and hung on.

I was wrong.

I'm so sorry.

I didn't fight for our friendship. I let it end without fighting instead of saying:

"I was wrong. I'm so sorry. Let's get together face-to-face and let me tell you about my insecurities and you tell me what an ass I am for feeling that way. I'm not perfect  - and as your friend, I will hurt you. As my friend, you will hurt me. Neither will do it meliciously or intentionally - but it will happen.....it did happen. This isn't the end, only life and friendship. It's okay - I love you anyway!"

I failed you and I failed us.

What I want to tell you now is:

"I was wrong. I'm so sorry"

I'm just sorry for the way it ended.
Peace

Reading to You

I love riding in the car next to you as you drive us far from home. You say that I'm a figgiter...you totally have me pegged.

You remark at how I spend the first 20 minutes of any trip getting settled in.... rearranging my trip essentials, applying lipstick, looking for my phone, blowing my nose, and fiddling with the radio.

As the miles stretch out in front of us and the crackle of the radio hums, I love putting my bare feet on the dash...toes on the windshield...and reading the news, blogs, Facebook...
out loud
to
you.

Peace

One Sleep and 5 Hours

Tomorrow morning I will fill up my tank and head South. Just about as far south in Alabama that you can get without slipping into Florida. It is is a little town...just a map dot...where I will gather with family to honor the life of my Aunt Margaret. The Angels carried her on their wings, shouting praises, at 7 pm last night to suffer more.

My Aunt Laura asked me a few minutes ago if I was sure I was up to the trip. A trip that takes me back among my Mother's people. To the place I was born, as did my parents. Where we ran amok with our cousins on hot Alabama days and talked like robots through window fans at night.

I told her that I may not be ready but that I will always stand in the gap that my Mother left.

Peace.