It Was Just A Dream

Do you remember back when one whole season of Dallas ended up being a dream?
No? Then I have just dated myself in a major way!

I find that I dream A LOT! And there are some dream I have many times over, and some that I can't seem to get out of even after waking up to go pee in the middle of the night. Nope, I close my eyes and I pick up where I left off. Oh, talk about peeing, because I brought it up, I find that sometimes I dream that I can't stop needing to Lee but not much comes out. Or that I can't find a bathroom.....all this means is that I really need to wake up and go pee!  (When I type the word "pee" it auto-corrects to "Lee" 😂

Back to dreaming...after 21 years of marriage I STILL dream my husband is having an affair, had one and just disclosed it, or that I've caught him with his hands in someone else's cookie jar! I hate those dreams...and then I wake up all pissed and wondering if there is any insecurity I am having. Last night I dreamed I caught him in a lie about an affair and he cried like a baby for forgiveness....then at confessing time he disclosed there had been three (2 women and a man). WTH....

Seriously...What-the-hell???? I told him, in the dream, he could pound sand and that everyone we have ever know would know the reason for our divorce.  No "irreconcilable differences" here, on no....full disclosure baby!!! I took pleasure in the humiliation.

Why? What do those dreams mean? Other than to serve as a reminder to my husband that I would make his life hell before, during and afterwards if he went there!

What happened to dreaming about flying and secret passageways in my grandmother's house that never existed in real life?

Peace, Love and Sweet Dreams only,
Renee

Wind Chimes on the Back Porch

It's Thursday afternoon and I find myself on the back porch, booted foot elevated, working...not working...working again. The windchimes are dancing and singing.

I miss my Mom.

Peace

Life 5.0

Has it REALLY been years since I’ve logged in to plunk out a post?
Geesh.... ya’ll!

As I sit here on my porch (wearing the boot of shame as a result of my utter clumsiness) I came across the link to my blog. I hadn’t forgotten about it... seriously... I just took an extended Life break. And what a life break it has been.

 I think the last few post that I published talked about moving to the lake house, my husband returning from deployment, and us learning how to be a married couple again. Well, life took a turn and we moved on. No, Rich and I did not move apart but I made some life changes that were very critical not only in our marriage but in my life.

After struggling for many years with my drinking, March 20, 2017 I walked into my first AA meeting. I’ve been sober every day since . I had to learn that I drink not out of grief, out of loneliness, out of excitement, or out of boredom, but because My name is Renee and I’m an alcoholic. I had spent years fooling myself that I was just a casual drinker but in reality there was nothing casual about me when I picked up the bottle. My sobriety journey will definitely be shared in future post so just hold onto your hats friends.

As part of my journey it meant that we needed to move away from the lake house that we love so much. The isolation for me was just unbearable and I was not able to come to terms with being so far away from Civilization. So Rich and I set about building our final home  A little over a year ago. We bought some land and built a house that not only we love, but our family loves as well. It’s just Rich and I here, which is so unusual for us, but we like the peacefulness in the quietness and knowing this is the home that we will stay in as long as we’re given the chance.

I’m not even sure I remember how to blog And I’m hoping that I can remember how to post it. I can’t remember how to add pictures Or links, so this will be a learning experience all over for me. But for some reason I’m excited about this opportunity to put my thoughts and my life back out there because each day I’m grateful to be able to exhale.

Peace and Love

(Blowing the Mic.....)

Hello...... (echo.....echo....)
Anyone here? (echo.....echo)

Hi, my name is Renee and I used to be a blogger.
Kinda.....sorta. Once upon a time and space.

I'm not sure what happened to me. I  was walking alone on main street in Blogville when a bus came along and stopped for me. Weird, because I wasn't waiting on a bus. The doors swung open and before I could tell myself this was a baaaaad idea, I was on-board. Amid the familiar and unfamiliar faces that once lived in Blogville, I sat down and watched Blogville get smaller in the distance. After what seemed like for hours, we finally stopped at a place called Life. We got off to pee, grab a bite to eat, a cup of joe...before heading back out to....I'm not even sure. Just as I turned to get back on the bus the doors shut. I ran and yelled but I had been left behind. Damn that  cinnamon roll that I just had to have!!!

I turned my back to the dusty road, defeated and weakened by a cinnamon roll. I have no idea how I got there or where I was, but here I was....in Life.

That's why I haven't blogged....I've been stuck in Life.

Peace

Moving on Down the Road

We did it....we moved to our little lake home in Tennessee! The larger home is on the market and we are loving the serenity of lake living. The drive in to work is a bit longer, but the view is just awesome!

The only concern right now is the stench of rodent death coming from the pantry. Locating the deceased is a project for tomorrow 😆

Peace

Turning 50

Today is my birthday. My 50th birthday....
It's  been a great day full of friends and family to help me celebrate this milestone! Truly is have blessed beyond measure with such a great support system...near and far. Today marks a significant point in my life's journey.

I am 50 years old! I will never see another 50 years. The Lord willing and the creek don't rise, I will have another 30 good years left. I will live to see my grandchildren's  children and walk hand in hand with my handsome husband as we help each other maneuver our flailing bodies. There is a morbid significance in knowing that more than half of my life span is over and I don't even know where the years went. How did I get here...at this age...?

Today marked the beginning of the new phase of living for me. Where I spent 50 years seeking love, approval, respect, career, friends, and chasing family relationships, I enter this new age claiming the "Serenity Prayers my moto:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

With little time left in this life, I will be selfish and frugal with time and myself. I am loved by so many...truly loved. I know who they are and I reciprocate the unconditional love that I receive. I no longer need to seek approval, love, friendship, or respect from anyone....there are no conditions I feel I need to meet anymore. One-sided relationships no longer fit in my life - they take away my time and attention that need to be placed on  those who willingly give and receive.

I want each moment moving forward to count...each second. It won't be wasted. I am no longer afraid of what people may think of me...what I think of me is what matters. My self worth will no longer be measured by my body type, how many "friends" I have on FB, how many wrinkles I have or my double chin. I am  beautifully designed and I am loved and accepted by people who love me just the way I am.

There is no room left for pettiness. No room  for wasted moments.

50 years came so damn fast.....30 will be a blink.

Peace

I Hate Yard Sales

Well, I actually love going to them, but I HATE having a yard sale. Alas, I am sitting here, in the cold, with my stuff posing just right begging people to show up and take it all away! In 1 1/2 hours I have made $15. Where are the people?????? Don't they know own that I have good stuff for cheap, cheap, cheap? Stuff that cannot go back in my house under any circumstances. Nope...it's all gotta go.

Peace