No Kidding....

I told my husband today that I don't want any more kids! He completely agreed!! It's laughable for us to say that...something we've always brought up when any one or two, or three, or four, of our kids have exhausted our emotions. We always said God knew what he was doing when he took away our reproductive ability!

Parenting is scary business. Only the strong survive! The benefits definitely out weigh the bad times and the blessings cannot be measured!

However, Kids can be totally draining sometimes! It doesn't matter how old they get. They love you and they hate you. They will disappoint you and make you proud. Kids have a way of making you mad as hell and giving you the best moments to make up for the bad times. They bicker, fuss and cuss at each other...but they should know that in the end they have each other to lean on in the tough times. Kids will bring hurt and devastation to their parents...sometimes on purpose..sometimes unintentional. You can't control them or consume them once they leave the teenage years. Regardless of how much you try to hang on - they eventually have to fly. They will stumble, they will fall, sometimes they will lay on the ground and watch the clouds roll by until they are ready to get up again. It's in their time - not yours. Kids will make choices that would not have been your own; that's why the choices are theirs and not mine yours. They will follow their hearts across the lands in search of self, love and adventure. Often times finding their way home, other times not. They will break your heart a million times with words, alienation and actions...but to see them and hold them for a few seconds can put your World back on its axis.

As Parents, we hold on to the memories of the 'good' times to get us through the bad. We try to bite our tongues and remain neutral in conflict. We cry over some of their choices but we are thankful that they have the self-conviction to make a choice...any choice. We run in high gear when they cause havoc among the masses but are glad we raised strong individuals who can stand up for themselves. We love them enough to let them go...to support them in their quest to find their own way, their own happiness, their own motivation. Sometimes we fail...sometimes we are right on target.

When the dust settles after the storms or the parade has finished and the music has stopped ~ what is left standing is a Mom and a Dad; we may be tired, haggard and bloody....but we stand together in solidarity.  We stand together holding the family flag to remind the kids the family is still intact and  we hold up a light to illuminate their way back home from wherever they may roam.

To our Children: You are loved beyond all measure regardless of whose blood runs through your veins. Find your happiness...your place in this World. Don't settle for what you have but always seek out your next adventure. Love and let yourself be loved - you are all worthy! Forgive and allow yourself to be forgiven. Be the friend to others that you would want in return. Don't let others dictate your direction, follow your own map but go off course from time to time. Remember where Home is and that Dad & I will always welcome you there.

Getting it Down Pat...

Place: Walmart Hell
Time: 0745
Date: Today

So I went to Walmart Hell before work to grab a few things that I needed, because (1) I knew that hardly anyone would be there, (2) I didn't have anything better to do, and (3) I figure that waiting until after I get off work at noon would be a MAJOR mistake.
Whatever!

In my buggy was a HUGE bag of dog food (Benefil, yeah that shit is expensive!). The dogs goes through 1 HUGE bag every 2 weeks ($15.00 a bag)!

I check out..buggy not so full - but nicely plump, with the dog food taking up half the cart. The Walmart warden watches me leave the checkout line. I walk a little bit towards the door and he says,

"Excuse me Ma'am, do you mind if I check your receipt".

Now, had I just been walking around and bolted for the door - I could get that. But he saw me PAY for my things and leave the checkout.

Whatever!

I thought for a second to say "I opt out" but figured, what the Hell...he's doing his job and I'll play his silly game. (Rich taught me that last phrase - "I'll play your silly game")

I said, "Sure, as long as I don't have to go through the advanced pat down".

He laughed, I laughed.....

then I realize that Christmas season is coming.

It's not too far-fetched!

Testy, Testy, 1,2,3...

I can feel myself getting 'testy'.

A LOT LATELY!

 I'm sleeping worse than usual...my mind is in a little overdrive about Thanksgiving (cooking, cleaning, being the first without Rich, the first without my parents)...the anxiety of the Holiday season clinches my chest.....People who fake sincerity get on my absolute last fucking nerve because they actually think I people buy it....I tend to cringe at hearing the voices of a few people at work ~ makes my head hurt and my nerves unravel (not the tone of their voices but the crap that comes out)....I'm sick of 'healthy eating' and the pounds not moving as much as the inches...it's exhausting to just humor people that have broken a bond and trust and act like everything is just fine when it really isn't and may not ever be again, but I'll play their game.....I hate the thought of getting in traffic - the people, the stupidity, the crowds (NO, I'm not doing Black Friday).... and I tend to feel myself losing patience with people who can't make a reasonable decision if their lives depended on it.

My tolerance level is getting lower by the minute!
Yep, testy, bitchy, down right frustrated.

One Cupcake Too Many...

My name is Renee and I love Wine! Does that make me a wino? Hmmm... maybe, but who the hell cares?! I like to consider myself well-rounded in the art of drinking wine. I'm actually a red-wine snob...love it...had to work up to that point all the way up from a blush zinfandel wine. One of my FAVORITE wines is from the Cupcake Vineyards . Not that I discriminate; I am not that picky ~ as long as it's red or a dry white!


After work I grabbed my laptop and headed next door to the Whittens for our ritual Friday Night Winery. We enjoyed some Bogel Wine with pretzels before moving onto Cupcake Wine (Cabernet) and left over, warmed up pizza. Rich Skyped in and we got to talk for a while - almost like old times (us and the Whittens on Friday night...having a bottle glass of wine or two (or three) and running down our week. (I sure love and miss him...so much more than anyone really knows or understands).

Now I'm, home - a tad-bit tipsy and it's only 9:39pm (2139). Here at home it's quiet. I can hear the hum of the refrigerator and nothing else. Even the dogs are knocked out - Annie with her head hanging off the couch - Jake's probably sprawled on my bed.

In the silence I realize just how much I am over this deployment. There are so many young milspouses out there that are proud to be going through deployments because it makes them feel empowered &  are stronger.. I'm sure they are. I was strong before the deployment and still strong - life and death have a way of molding you to strength you ever thought existed. But, I've been where they are in some form or fashion - when the new wears off and you are raising your kids alone with too many bills and not enough money...it's not so much fun anymore. There nothing wrong with it..again, I've been there, lived it, wear the scars.  Really. Now...Fast forward 20 -25 years.

As for me, I am over this deployment! Call it having one Cupcake too many - I could care less...but I'm over it! Rich and I have raised our kids, we've been through the lean, lean years, we've done the whole 'focus on the career' thing, we've got our college educations, we've 'been there and done that' in more ways that anyone could think existed.....but at this very moment - I am ready to have deployment over and done - to have my boring middle-aged life back. There is NO Shame in my game! To have Rich home and enjoying the life of empty-nesters now that ALL of our children are out in the World in their own lives...to just be 'me & Rich'...WOW! In time (God willing) deployment will be over and my husband will be home.....I know this ( believe it to be true). Right this minute, though~ I hate the silence and the emptiness. Thank goodness for Cupcakes!

Oh, there's absolutely no rhyme or reason for this post - other than I've got a buzz and it's my blog!

Wordless Wednesday!

Jake: "Daddy, come home soon"

You've Got Mail....

Okay - I got mail!

Several Weeks ago I participated in a Postcard Swap hosted by Jessica at Jesstagirl and her officer. My name was thrown in the hat and I am EXCITED to share the Postcard I received from Kaylee over at Devil Dog Darling!

Isn't is just AWESOME?! Who does not like Yogi Bear and Boo Boo, too? After a long day at work, my butt was dragging, my spirits were running low...THEN this little card picked me up, dusted me off, and gave me a REAL DEAL Smile!

Thanks Kaylee for the perfect postcard and the perfect words!

Both Jessica & Kaylee have Fantastic blogs.... go take a look and stalk follow them like me! Go on, be a copy cat, just this once!

A Defining Moment..

Saturday afternoon my niece got married. I got to see her before the wedding in her 'waiting' room - she was just beautiful standing there in her white gown. I asked her where her 'something old, something new, something borrowed..' was. She proudly showed me a gorgeous jewelry set that my brother (her father) gave her. She had the 'blue'. I asked for a piece of ribbon and a safety pin. As she stood there in front of me, I slipped off my Mother's wedding band, tied a ribbon around it, and pinned in to the inside of her dress. That ring symbolized 50 years of marriage: through richer and poorer, sickness and in health, until death. It was fitting that my Niece take Mom's ring with her as she pledges the promises that my Mom promised my Dad and lived by until her last breath.

The tears flowed from the waiting room all the way through the ceremony. It was a bittersweet occasion. The celebration of marriage was touched by sadness as the absence of our Mom & Dad/Grandparents, was felt by all of my family members. Some of us cried to see the 'chairs' with Dad's hat and magnolia's (Mom's favorite), we laughed when we realized Niece was chewing gum during her wedding, we sat in astonishment when we thought the Groom was going to pass out (we really did!) but he recovered, then we all cried when the groom became so overwhelmed with love for my Niece that he barely got his vows out amid tears, then we all cried again through the family pictures.

It was a beautiful event and one of many such events where we will be blatantly aware that Mom & Dad are gone. We have the holiday's coming up (our first without them) and then the mark of their deaths. Lord help us as we try and get through this time of year! I may have to throw some Xanax in the Thanksgiving dressing!!

I do know that I am closer to my family than I've ever been in my life - I am so grateful for this! It took our parents dying to draw us closer together and unified. We are the living legacies of an amazing marriage. We are our parents' children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren. We will carry them with us always. We are the Blockers!

Love, Peace & Hold on tight to your loved ones! Cherish each and every second!

Footnote Friday

In Review: It's Friday once again. Where did the week go? I can't remember the days anymore and how I used them, so I am sitting here trying to 'footnote' my week. I know I went to the gym Monday and Tuesday before work and that I got to talk to Rich at least once each day. The rest of the hours in those days are a 100% total blank. I must've done something worth recalling...but zip - nothing comes to mind. Why can't I remember those days? Wednesday I went back to boot camp class, which wasn't as bad as the first class but was equally as challenging. Thursday was Veteran's Day and I took myself down to the local parade. This was a first for me - my daughter met me there and together we waved our flags and cried a little.

My moment of the week: Today I finally dropped of my Mom & Dad's clothing at a donation center before work. It's only taken 11 months to sort them and bag them up and a week of driving around with them to finally have the courage to drop them off. The collection guy wanted me to wait for a receipt, but I told him it was too hard to give them up and I needed to just go right then before I changed my mind. I cried as I drove away leaving the clothes behind. Oh, how I wanted to go back and get them, to open those bags and consume myself in Mom's shirts, her nightgowns, her 40th anniversary wedding gown that she wore 11 years ago, Daddy's blue suit, his shirts, his black and white flannel jacket...to consume myself with them. I miss them so much.

My gripe of the week is with ToysRus! Specifically their online ordering and shipping. I'm trying to close up as much Christmas shopping as possible so when R&R rolls around, I will not have to take one minute away from my husband to run around and shop. So, we also have a son in Cali (DIL and grandson); I went online to ToysRus and bought the grandson (age 2.5) his Christmas gifts - they were rather large items - and had them shipped to Cali; my DIL would store them until Christmas morning. Perfect...I beat the holiday mailing frenzy and ticked one more name off my list! Or so I thought. Just so you know....Tuesday rolls around and good ol' UPS makes the first delivery..ring the door bell, drop off and leave. Not much of a biggie - but the DIL opens the door with 2.5 in tow..low and behold - there's Christmas gift #1 on the porch NOT IN A BROWN (Discrete) BOX! Seriously, ToysRus shipping pulled the box off the shelf, slapped a mailing label on it and sent it on it's way. 2.5 year old sees the box (and gift) and starts screaming for it (because that's what he does - he's 2.5). DIL gets it put away, 2.5 continues to scream still..and I am livid because (1) it was a Christmas gift, (2) I'm still not sure that DIL has the strong will NOT to give it to him because he wants it, and (3) it spoiled the surprise! So..Package #2 was scheduled to arrive TODAY..so DIL had planned on how to handle it when UPS showed up so 2.5 yr old will not see it. WELL...didn't happen that way. UPS showed up late yesterday afternoon..again..door bell, drop, leave. Not expecting the package, DIL and 2.5 yr old in tow open the door and ...YEP - gift..unboxed. 2.5 yr old starts screaming again. So..will DIL give 2.5 yr old the gifts before Christmas? I don't know ~ I hope not...but then again I live on the other side of the US..so how would I know?.... I called ToysRus shipping and complained - they should be more aware that it's the holiday season and people are going to be shipping Christmas gifts for kids every where. And it sucks to have the surprise spoiled! Not that they REALLY gave a shit..but I gave my thoughts just the same.

My sorrow of the week:  My son and his wife miscarried their baby. We are saddened at the loss.. (I would have been an awesome grandmother)! Their time will come again!

My 'happy" for the week: I lost another pound!

Peace, Love & Happy Friday!

I Honor You!

I honor YOU
Our Veterans
Past
Present
Future
Fallen
Your Service
Your Sacrifice
Your Duty
Your Honor
YOU!
Thank You!
Thank You!
For doing what I
can't do
For doing what others
can't do
won't do
For carrying on your mission
in Honor of your Family and
Your fallen friends
For my freedom
My childrens' freedom
My grandchildrens' freedom
I honor YOU
All ranks
All branches
Today
Tomorrow
Every day
Thank You!
Thank You!

 

Peace, Love, & Honoring Our Military Daily!

For You..You Know Who You Are!

The Man in the Flood

Doug Allan Dammeier
Level: Platinum

CoachDoug lives in the mountains of western Washington state and is an award-winning writer, Internet marketer, and self-discovery life coach. His newsletter "Change Your Life ...

Perhaps you've heard the story of the man caught in a flood who had a deep faith in God. As the flood waters rose, his neighbors told him, "You have to leave, the flood is going to wash everything away."

Calmly, the man replied, "It's not a problem, God will save me."

As the waters continued to rise to the second floor of the man's house, a boat came by with rescuers. They said, "Quickly, get in, the flood is going to wash everything away."

Again the man replied, "It's not a problem, God will save me."

As the flood worsened, the man was forced to climb onto the roof of his home. A helicopter came, threw down a ladder and the rescuers said, "Climb up. The flood is about to wash everything away."

One more time, the man said, "It's not a problem, God will save me."

Finally, the flood washed everything away, and the man drowned.

When he reached heaven, he saw God. The first thing he asked was, "Lord, I was so certain you would save me, what happened?"

Very perplexed, God said to the man, "I just don't know, I sent neighbors, a boat and a helicopter to save you."

'Are you working on gaining the awareness to consciously 'see' the hidden opportunities that are in your life at this very moment? Or are you 'playing it safe' and doing the same things you have always done in life and getting the same results you've always gotten?

Will you be like the man in the flood who simply could not 'see' the life-changing opportunities in front of him, or are you ready to begin looking with 'a new set of eyes' at your life and uncover the many opportunities that are swirling all around you at this very moment?'

By Doug Allan Dammeier
  

 

Where'd the years go?

Today

She is 24!

My daughter is 24!

Where'd the years go?

Love, Peave & Happy Birthday Kelley!!

I love you to the moon and back a bazillion times!

Boot Camp - Day 1

7 weeks ago I took over my health and fitness and committed to a Total Fitness program at the gym. I decided I was no longer willing to keep gaining weight and I wanted to take control once and for all. Plus, I wanted to look hot for my Honey by R&R).

I workout for an hour 4-days a week and have made dramatic dietary changes. So far I have dropped 14 pounds and I'm not sure how many inches. Each workout I push myself a little more and have gotten to enjoy (and look forward to going) my workouts - so much that I no longer mind getting up at 0430 to get there by 0500.

Then today came...a day I had been dreading for a week! I signed up for a 6-week Boot Camp class - it started at 0500 this morning.
Let me just say that it was harder than I imagined! The instructor has been doing the boot camp class for 8 years and her call to show mercy had long been silenced! It was 60 minutes – nonstop – and brutal! We started out seeing how many push ups we could do in 1 minute….I did 25. The over-achiever next to me did something like 45. (I'm no puss...I'm 44...whatever)! By the end of the class I had to do 30 - five more than what I started with.  (Yeah the over-achiever had to do 50...she was not so over-achieving by this point - I tried to smirk, but it hurt too much).

Then somewhere along the way we alternated from sit-up/crunches to jumping jacks. Each exercise was 1 minute with less than 15 seconds in between….all going so fast that my head was spinning (literally, I couldn't think)! Usually the 15 second "break" was spent trying to get down to or up from the floor. Somewhere along the way I vaguely remember doing squats (uggg) – double and single. I say “vaguely” because I think I blacked out somewhere between the burpees and the squats.

Oh, it gets better…we ran around the inside of the gym (it was raining out), followed by a bazillion and one “surrenders” – only she wouldn’t let us surrender (or else she would, but the ringing in my ears and my sucking for air due to lack of oxygen, drowned her out). It gets even better… the Turkish sit-up…or pull-up…whatever! I couldn’t do it…really. And not because I was lazy, I just couldn’t do the one legged sit-up followed by standing up with one arm raised above my head. Yeah, the skinny, kid-chick in front of me could do them like no bodies business. The bitch! You know the type, 18 to 20, never birthed a kid, been worn down by teenagers, arrived at middle age or hit menopause – I hate skinny kid-chicks! Anyway, I was proud that I at least got the sit-up  part (as I have a hard time doing a sit-up without (1) having my feet secured and (2) doing a crunch instead..and I did it with one arm raised above my head.

Get this…there was a plank thing – attached to it was a ‘hermes’…not quite sure I have that right – remember the ringing in my ears and the blacking out (yeah, that happened again)?! We got to plank then had to put one arm down on the ground, then the other, then each one back up. There were leg lifts (of course there were) followed by holding our feet 1 inch from the ground. WTF? I swear on my old cat's (Harley) grave out beside the house in Athens, that we did those for MORE than 60 seconds - she was totally going over her count. Isn't there a rule about that?!?!

This was all within the first 30 minutes….we had to do all of this again for another 30 minutes!
ALL. OF. IT!

I think there were a couple of other exercised thrown in there, but my brain is trying to protect me in some way; I can't rememebr what they were.

No mercy! None. Zip.

When I got home and in the shower I could barely lift my legs to shave them. I even considered throwing on tights and wearing boots instead of shaving…but if you know me personally..you KNOW that I couldn't have made it out of the house before stripping off and getting those legs shaved.

Right now…the pain is starting to settle in, but I can’t pinpoint exactly where it’s coming from. I’m afraid to cry because I just know that it will hurt to raise my arm and wipe the tears!

Oh. My. Goodness!

Peace, Love & What the Hell Was I Thinking?

SHARING.... My Honey's email response to my bootcamp experience (don't hate because he's so awesome):

From: Richardson, {Rich}

Sent: Wednesday, November 03, 2010 10:15 AM
To: Richardson, Renee
Subject: RE: So...boot camp (UNCLASSIFIED)

Honey,
I’m so proud of you for taking the first beating, punishment, step! The hardest part is yet to come. Yes, more pain! But now it’s self inflicted at least until next week when you return to boot camp. Meaning, you need to keep going to the gym and stick with your own plan all in preparation for next week’s punishment.

No matter what, you are my skinny kid-chick always have been and always will be!
Oh yeah! Take about 800mg of Ibuprofen and that will help.

I love you my dear!
Rich

TMI - Oh My!

(COL ...sorry for the TMI. You may need to shield your eyes...kids - look away)!

I got a picture yesterday from my Honey down range...he doesn't send pictures often.

Me: "Babe, you are looking so pretty hot in that picture"! Looking good for an old guy! And he was!!! He is!

Honey: "You think so?" (he's laughing at me because he knows where this is going)

Me: "In xxx days you have to know that we are not going to make it home! As a matter of fact, we may not make it out of the airport because there's a hotel attached. Just sayin'".

Honey: "You're killing me"! So glad I can make your day"!

Me: "You have managed to completely unravel, in one second, what took me 206 days to wall up! Thanks. You're a Jerk".

Honey: "No problem! Just keeping you on your toes". Still laughing at me.

Geesh!


Peace, Love & more Love & Peace!