Is it Really Better Than A Sharp Stick in the Eye?

I've heard often that anything is better than a sharp stick in the eye (my husband's words). As I sit here and reflect over my work day, I'm not so sure the stick would be as painful. Day in and day out I sit..in my office (amazing view), answer a few phone calls, respond to a couple of emails, and sit. Nothing more. On a good day I may get a "hello" or have a good evening" from co-workers as they pass by - it's never sincere and hardly personal. And it's not that I am not well-liked...I'm sure that I am - there's just no chemistry really.

My first year at the "company" was slamming busy and I was in total love with it all. At the top of my game and rockin'!

The next year (last yr) my world came to an abrupt halt when my father had a heart attack. I balanced sitting vigil and helping out my Mom, while balancing the shutdown of 3/4 of my job (plant closure) and the loss of 140 employees through RIF. My co-workers were supportive and caring through both life-changing events! (Closing a plant and laying-off employees is devastating when you work in HR).

Then came the deaths of my parents...out of 14 co-workers, not one came to the funeral, sent flowers, a fruit basket or a bundt cake. No text, phone messages or smoke signals. I returned to work 2 weeks later. I mentioned to a co-worker that I was disappointed that no one acknowledged that time of grief...I got a bouquet of flowers and a plant delivered that same afternoon. I threw the flowers in the garbage before leaving to go home. It was a painful reminder that I just don't fit. (A month prior another co-worker had experienced a tragic death in her family..my goodness - we collected money, provided meals, flowers, wrote cards...). That one huge lack of action from my department/company has left a mark on my heart and will stay with me for a long, long time.

Several times I have thought of updating my resume and moving along. In reality, the stability in income, benefits, flexibility, and FMLA keep me holding on. FMLA? Yes, with Rich deployed I need to stay put for the FMLA should I need it. (FYI - you have to work a minimum of 1 year with a company to be eligible for FMLA; which now covers Military-related issues. Starting over with a new company would put me back at ground-zero with FMLA and IF anything happens during or after deployment where I need to care for my husband, my job is protected). In our industry and with the instability of employment right now; it's almost foolish to voluntarily leave a company unless there is a golden guarantee at the end of that choice.

Changing career paths has been a major dream for me this year. The path I'd like would require me to cut my work hours, and return to college (ick).  The work thing I just CANNOT do right now and, plus, I hate the thought of going back to school.

7 months later I am still a ship sailing alone in this work ocean. I'm bored, disconnected, unchallenged, disillusioned, disappointed, and demotivated. That's just for starters! I'm aware that in a few months things will change and I will be busy again; that this 'lull' will pass. It's just painful being in this holding pattern!!

{{{Sigh}}}