California Comfort - Family Style

Rich and I board a plane for the West Coast tomorrow morning to visit two of our children (DIL & grandson) and other family. It's a trip we have been looking forward to and desperately need! It's difficult to live so far away from our children and to see our grandson grow up through photographs and stories; these infrequent trips mean so much to us!

Our oldest son is my husband's biological son (I abhor the word "step-son" - or 'step" anything!), from his first marriage ~ through circumstances beyond our control, I've only known him for 5 years and we've not always had the closest relationship. Previous trips to visit have felt strained and stressful for both of us. Each time I tried to move emotionally or physically (hugs) to him, he would step further away and I felt like I could never catch him long enough to show him that I really do love him as my own and that I care. When we would pose for pictures you could physically feel the wall between us. It was like being stuck on a merry-go-round where we are on opposite sides and no matter what we just wouldn't end up in the same place, ever.

He was skeptical because he didn't grown up around us and didn't understand how someone (me) who didn't raise him, could actually love him like I did. He didn't believe that I loved him from the moment I married his Dad, even though it took years to finally meet him in person. It seemed like every thing I said or action of love that I extended, was analyzed and questioned. It was a frustrating cycle that I gave up on many times. Couldn't he just "believe"  that unconditional love just happens between a mother and child; regardless of the blood running through the child's veins?

A breakthrough happened several months ago and he was faced with the truth, without any action from me. It was a strange turn of events that occurred and I cried for days out of sadness for time lost, fear of rejection and excitement of 'is this real?". Recently my son called me "Mom" and I just about burst into tears but instead played it like it was a normal things to hear. He may never know what that one word, spoken with honesty, meant to me.

He and I are in a new place...a good place..and I am looking forward to this trip to California!
Peace