In My Dreams

I think I may be the only one of my siblings that called our Mom, "Mother". I'm not sure why I called her 'Mother" or when I even started. I just did - in a loving, respectful way.

I had a long dream last night and I couldn't find her. I caught a glimpse of her in a crowd. I yelled for her ... "MOTHER"...and I ran to her. But in the chaos of the crowd I lost her. I spent the whole dream moving between what seemed to be a mixture of a mall and the floors of an ocean liner (of which I have never been on), looking for her and calling out "MOTHER". I cried, I begged for anyone to tell me they had seen her. "yes, just a few minutes ago", or "on one floor up/down". I ran...and ran...calling her. I found her in the end, for just a few minutes and she went away again. I knew I would never find her a second time.

Several weeks ago I had a dream about my Dad. He was sick and wondering around. I walked the streets, knocked on doors, crying and looking for my Dad. I described him to strangers, showed pictures to people in stores and restaurants. He was sick and out there...I needed to find him. I was emotionally drained...in the dream and in my dark bedroom during the dream. In the end  I found my Dad...he was healed and his mind clear. But he couldn't stay and had to leave.

It's been almost five years since they left. For the first few years I did not dream. At. All. Nothing. Now they come in waves. I'm not sure if I'm happy about that or not. Both ways are draining.... and painful.

Peace.