{Skyping with my Honey a few minutes ago.....}
Me: Honey, what's that on your neck? Are you wearing a high-neck t-shirt? (knowing it's 100 degrees)
Honey: Yeah. Um...I'm taking a helicopter ride.
Me: You're what? Excuse me....
Honey: Goin' to a 'thing' at another base.
Me: Really?! Okay...not liking that AT ALL! Couldn't you just say 'no, I'll pass'?
Honey: (Laughs)...ummm No.
Me: I fully expect a message/skype/smoke signal that lets me know you are back at the FOB when it's over! Okay?!
Honey: Sure thing! I love you!
Yeah, good times!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
A Trick and a Treat!
I have plenty of THIS:
I need THIS:
Then, sadly our kids grew up and we moved to a quiet, newly developed neighborhood (it's only a street) on the side of a little mountain that overlooks a good-sized subdivision. "Down the hill" the streets crawls with costumed little folks and decorations galore! The thing (trick) is that no one wants to come up the hill for sweet loot! I have the good candy...no cheap treats here!
Each year I buy ..... wait for the door bell to ring ....maybe we'll have one or two! It's those couple of kids that make the journey who will walk away with the mother-load!
Love, Peace & Happy Halloweeny!
I need THIS:
Before we moved to our current home (6 years ago), we lived in a little subdivision where kids ran wild. Okay, not other kids - just our kids! The neighborhood was FULL to the brim with trick or treaters! We had fun decorating for Halloween, dressing up, rolling yards, passing out candy! For years we enjoyed watching our kids dress up...even in the lean years when we could afford much in the way of costumes, they/we still managed to rise to the occasion!
Then, sadly our kids grew up and we moved to a quiet, newly developed neighborhood (it's only a street) on the side of a little mountain that overlooks a good-sized subdivision. "Down the hill" the streets crawls with costumed little folks and decorations galore! The thing (trick) is that no one wants to come up the hill for sweet loot! I have the good candy...no cheap treats here!
Each year I buy ..... wait for the door bell to ring ....maybe we'll have one or two! It's those couple of kids that make the journey who will walk away with the mother-load!
Love, Peace & Happy Halloweeny!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Just sayin....
I postively detest when you experience something that makes you incredibly happy and then someone comes along and makes it about them...and pisses on your parade! Well, they just didn't realize that I have an unbrella! Ha!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Over The Moon....
I am SO Over The Moon right now!
WHY????
Yesterday we marked a 200 day milestone for this deployment
We have less than 2 months until R&R
Yay!!!!!!
Our youngest son came Home from living in California for 5 months!
I have missed him sooo much and feel completely happy to have my kids 'home'.
AND
TODAY.......
These beautiful people have just told me
THEY ARE PREGNANT!
A Grandchild - in 8.5 months!!!
My World would be complete if HE was Home too!
My Husband!
Peace, Love & Over The Moon Excited!!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
200 Days..........
He's Been Gone..
28.48 Weeks199.35 Days
4,784.45 Hours
287,067.14 Minutes
17,224,028 Seconds
One hundred days ago I couldn't imagine what it would feel like today. It's been a long, emotional, and lonely 29 weeks without my husband/best friend/lover/companion. We are still 2 months from R&R and I find myself watching the calendar a dozen times throughout the day just to make sure I am reading the numbers correctly. It's taken me a while to 'find myself' throughout this deployment, but I know that I have the strength and gumption to see this through to the end!
I have many MilSpouses/Blog Friends that have shared stories, trials, and laughs with me along the way; through their blogs and comments on mine. THANK YOU!
Peace, Love & Onward!
Hooah!
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wonder...Wonder...
I wonder what people that have zero common sense think about?! Do they think at all ~ in some purple haze way? I'm not talking about people who, through no fault of their own or through tragic circumstance, have lost their common sense... I'm talking about people who have no logical excuse for not having or using good (or even bad) common sense.
Are their heads just empty? Do they think about what they should be thinking about? Do people without a lick of common sense know that they are absolutely lacking in this area? Do they not realize that there is a whole world out here where just having an inkling of common sense, can make every thing easier..more functional? Were they born that way or is it like the female hormone estrogen...you start out with so much and it just depletes over time?! Except maybe common sense expires at bazillion times faster than estrogen. And while I'm on the gender subject... I hate to admit this - but I know more women without a damn bit of common sense than I do men. That's a sad, sad, sad thing.
Do you think that slapping them on the back of the head will help ...at. all? Maybe they just need a jump start because their brains have been on idle too long.
I conclude that people without common sense really have it made! Because they have no common sense, others have to work twice as hard..twice as efficient...and think double to compensate. It's exhausting!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Outside of My Comfort Zone
After 9 1/2 months of reclusive living...existing...going through the motions, I stepped out of my self-imposed seclusion to live among the masses.
I woke up early (0500), threw on a shower and fresh clothes..then drove to town. My work was holding a 5k race this morning for employees and their families. I had originally planned to participate but backed out a while ago because I just couldn't bring myself to be around "outsiders" that I couldn't relate to. BUT, today I stepped in to volunteer at the race and had a great time (and got a cool t-shirt)! I caught myself actually smiling...real smiles...and enjoying myself.
One the way home I called the Whittens. I knew they were going to Florence to the annual Renaissance Fair...sooooo...I took a leap out of my box and invited myself to join their family adventure! Trust me...I NEVER do that! We had a great time! There were some very serious Renaissance characters...lots of food...things to buy...FUN! FUN!
The best part was knowing that I was not sitting home alone (which was my plan)...and that I was finally enjoying my life again. Even as I sit here to blog, I am at the Whitten's house having a glass of wine, waiting for dinner to be ready, listening to the Bama vs TN game (Roll Tide)..and watching for my wonderful husband to pop up on Skype.
It is such a great feeling to finally find my balance and learn to smile again...learn to live again...learn to love myself again!
Peace, Love & More Love!
P.S. My biopsy was benign!
I woke up early (0500), threw on a shower and fresh clothes..then drove to town. My work was holding a 5k race this morning for employees and their families. I had originally planned to participate but backed out a while ago because I just couldn't bring myself to be around "outsiders" that I couldn't relate to. BUT, today I stepped in to volunteer at the race and had a great time (and got a cool t-shirt)! I caught myself actually smiling...real smiles...and enjoying myself.
One the way home I called the Whittens. I knew they were going to Florence to the annual Renaissance Fair...sooooo...I took a leap out of my box and invited myself to join their family adventure! Trust me...I NEVER do that! We had a great time! There were some very serious Renaissance characters...lots of food...things to buy...FUN! FUN!
The best part was knowing that I was not sitting home alone (which was my plan)...and that I was finally enjoying my life again. Even as I sit here to blog, I am at the Whitten's house having a glass of wine, waiting for dinner to be ready, listening to the Bama vs TN game (Roll Tide)..and watching for my wonderful husband to pop up on Skype.
It is such a great feeling to finally find my balance and learn to smile again...learn to live again...learn to love myself again!
Peace, Love & More Love!
P.S. My biopsy was benign!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Friday Ramblings
We are 196 days into deployment with R&R still a couple of months away. There are days when it seems to go by fast and (most) times it seems like we have so far left to go.
It's been a crazy deployment so far...full of emotional events and feelings of immense despair. I've written throughout my blog of the challenge I've faced while dealing with this deployment on the heels of my parents deaths. Many who read my blog cannot comprehend the depth of grief that follows the loss of a parent, let alone both together. I've lost a child in early infancy, I know that pain. I've never been widowed - I can't compare grief with you who have been. There are times that I don't remember what my life was like before last year, before my Dad's heart attack and both he and Mom's deaths 2 days apart. The whole of 2009 consumed me... consumed my family. The sudden loss of them at the same time remains to be the most traumatic event of my life to date. Rich started pre-deployment training 4 days after their funeral.. leaving the country 4 months later. Walking through this year has been like walking in a fog. My mind has been clouded and my focus all over the place, my memory and concentration shot, emotions on edge and on my sleeve. I've cried (a lot), I've been numb and aggravated, felt alone among others, and have wondered what the hell I'm doing most days. To say that I have been thrown off balance would be a severe understatement.
As far as the deployment goes...well - I miss having my husband home. I'm middle-aged, so the years of insecurity and financial instability are long behind us (Thank God); but the sadness of separation isn't just used on the young in age. Our children are grown and I basically just take care of me and Jake (and Annie - my daughter's dog). I work, go home, wait by the phone & computer, go to bed, go to work...etc..etc... Along the way I look at the calendar to remind me how close we are to R&R and the end of this deployment. I have the same fear and loneliness as every other military spouse when you have a husband/wife down range. I have sleepless nights. I become sad. I withdraw. I have good days. Skype, email and blogging are all wonderful things and I cling to those few minutes that Rich and I get to share - while at the same time, never taking one second that we get to share for granted.
My best friend, Leigh Ann, was a HUGE help this week to me. When I found out a week ago that I would have a biopsy (in 2 places) on Tuesday I sat in my car outside of the Breast Center Clinic and cried. Not because I was afraid (maybe a tad), but I didn't have a clue who could take me on surgery day. I needed a driver. My daughter had to work, my sister was in Guam. I certainly don't have a long (or short) list of friends to select from to 'be there'. My best friend is a full-time employee, full-time mother and full-time student...I've forced myself to not call on her or depend on her for support this year, as much as possible. She just has too much going on to be burdened with me! Without any options I broke down and called her at work - something I rarely ever do - and asked for her help. Without hestitation she was willing and able to take off work to sport me around for surgery and stay with me throughout the day. Thank You Leigh Ann!
The pity party I had last night probably won't be my last, but it's over for now. I'm feeling good (not physically great), but better. I'm looking forward to an easy weekend with no real agenda to follow! I'm realigning my focus over the next 2 months~ full of family events ~ that will lead to Rich coming home for R&R.
That's all I have for rambling.... that's enough, huh?
Love, Peace & Happy Weekend!
It's been a crazy deployment so far...full of emotional events and feelings of immense despair. I've written throughout my blog of the challenge I've faced while dealing with this deployment on the heels of my parents deaths. Many who read my blog cannot comprehend the depth of grief that follows the loss of a parent, let alone both together. I've lost a child in early infancy, I know that pain. I've never been widowed - I can't compare grief with you who have been. There are times that I don't remember what my life was like before last year, before my Dad's heart attack and both he and Mom's deaths 2 days apart. The whole of 2009 consumed me... consumed my family. The sudden loss of them at the same time remains to be the most traumatic event of my life to date. Rich started pre-deployment training 4 days after their funeral.. leaving the country 4 months later. Walking through this year has been like walking in a fog. My mind has been clouded and my focus all over the place, my memory and concentration shot, emotions on edge and on my sleeve. I've cried (a lot), I've been numb and aggravated, felt alone among others, and have wondered what the hell I'm doing most days. To say that I have been thrown off balance would be a severe understatement.
As far as the deployment goes...well - I miss having my husband home. I'm middle-aged, so the years of insecurity and financial instability are long behind us (Thank God); but the sadness of separation isn't just used on the young in age. Our children are grown and I basically just take care of me and Jake (and Annie - my daughter's dog). I work, go home, wait by the phone & computer, go to bed, go to work...etc..etc... Along the way I look at the calendar to remind me how close we are to R&R and the end of this deployment. I have the same fear and loneliness as every other military spouse when you have a husband/wife down range. I have sleepless nights. I become sad. I withdraw. I have good days. Skype, email and blogging are all wonderful things and I cling to those few minutes that Rich and I get to share - while at the same time, never taking one second that we get to share for granted.
My best friend, Leigh Ann, was a HUGE help this week to me. When I found out a week ago that I would have a biopsy (in 2 places) on Tuesday I sat in my car outside of the Breast Center Clinic and cried. Not because I was afraid (maybe a tad), but I didn't have a clue who could take me on surgery day. I needed a driver. My daughter had to work, my sister was in Guam. I certainly don't have a long (or short) list of friends to select from to 'be there'. My best friend is a full-time employee, full-time mother and full-time student...I've forced myself to not call on her or depend on her for support this year, as much as possible. She just has too much going on to be burdened with me! Without any options I broke down and called her at work - something I rarely ever do - and asked for her help. Without hestitation she was willing and able to take off work to sport me around for surgery and stay with me throughout the day. Thank You Leigh Ann!
The pity party I had last night probably won't be my last, but it's over for now. I'm feeling good (not physically great), but better. I'm looking forward to an easy weekend with no real agenda to follow! I'm realigning my focus over the next 2 months~ full of family events ~ that will lead to Rich coming home for R&R.
That's all I have for rambling.... that's enough, huh?
Love, Peace & Happy Weekend!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Never Too Old...
You're never too old to want the comfort of your Mom when you don't feel well.
Tonight, I don't feel well and I really want
my Mom....
my Dad...
my Husband.
The tears won't stop as I long for each of them.
I had surgery (a biopsy) earlier in the week
(results were benign - Thank You God).
My boob hurts!
A LOT!
I'm tired, weak and feeling pretty lonely about right now.
I'm whiny and I just want to be held.
I want to be able to call my Mom and just hear her voice.
I want my Dad to tell me that it'll be okay.
I want my husband to just be here with me
to wrap his arms around me and hold me close
(just not on my left boob-side).
Instead, I'm here in this darkened bedroom
crying on my laptop and waiting for
my pain meds to kick in.
I miss You...
Mom
Dad
Rich!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
A Monday Award!
I have been given this A-M-A-Z-I-N-G Award from my friend Kurt @ Some Things I Have Learned. If you don't follow Kurt...hit the link to his page and "Follow"! Kurt's writings are an inspiration and I look forward to reading them each time he posts!
I am also honored to have been selected to share my award with some majorly awesome Bloggers! You can get that list from Kurt's blog (and follow them, too).
With a Happy Dance (no shame in my game) and a HUGE Smile... Here is my Award!
Thanks Kurt for making my day!
I am also honored to have been selected to share my award with some majorly awesome Bloggers! You can get that list from Kurt's blog (and follow them, too).
With a Happy Dance (no shame in my game) and a HUGE Smile... Here is my Award!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Closure....Next Chapter
Last Saturday I woke to the news that God took my little Granny home. She was my last grandparent..another generation of family gone. Sunday my siblings (and a few of the kids) and I met in our hometown to do the final '"clean up" at the House.
We went through what was left, laughed a lot, packed/loaded some up and threw most out to the curb. Once our task was finished we sat in the living room, ate pizza, and reminisced about times long gone about the past 37 years of living and being loved within the walls. With tummies full , words spoken, we took one last stroll through the House before walking out for the last time - my oldest brother took the key and locked the door behind us. As we drove away there were tears of grief - realization that this really is happening and there is no turning back.... Mom and Dad are gone and soon the House would be gone.
After a few hours of getting ready, my siblings and I headed five hours South to lay Granny to rest on Monday. We represented our parents and our own families as we said goodbye in that little church. Although we were saddened that Dad wasn't acknowledged as a 'preceded by', we paid our utmost respects, spent some time with family we may not see again for a long time and moved on.
Today we gathered around a conference table and let go of the House in final closure. Leaving the courthouse I fought the urge to go by the House one last time... fought that urge all the way out of the city limits to the point of no return. I will never go down that street again...I will never lay eyes on the House again...
Closure is what we wanted after 9 1/2 months...we have it now.
Bittersweet and final.
Love, Peace & I Hate This Deployment and Can't Wait Until My Husband is Home!
We went through what was left, laughed a lot, packed/loaded some up and threw most out to the curb. Once our task was finished we sat in the living room, ate pizza, and reminisced about times long gone about the past 37 years of living and being loved within the walls. With tummies full , words spoken, we took one last stroll through the House before walking out for the last time - my oldest brother took the key and locked the door behind us. As we drove away there were tears of grief - realization that this really is happening and there is no turning back.... Mom and Dad are gone and soon the House would be gone.
After a few hours of getting ready, my siblings and I headed five hours South to lay Granny to rest on Monday. We represented our parents and our own families as we said goodbye in that little church. Although we were saddened that Dad wasn't acknowledged as a 'preceded by', we paid our utmost respects, spent some time with family we may not see again for a long time and moved on.
Today we gathered around a conference table and let go of the House in final closure. Leaving the courthouse I fought the urge to go by the House one last time... fought that urge all the way out of the city limits to the point of no return. I will never go down that street again...I will never lay eyes on the House again...
Closure is what we wanted after 9 1/2 months...we have it now.
Bittersweet and final.
Love, Peace & I Hate This Deployment and Can't Wait Until My Husband is Home!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Today at 6:00am
My cell phone rang at 6am.
I wasn't sleeping...
My Uncle's name in the display.
My Father's brother.
He spoke words we knew where close....
expected.....
Granny died.
Daddy's mother.
My Granny.
I took the task of notification.
I called my brothers, woke my sister
....told my children..my husband.
Tomorrow we travel
to the lay her to rest on Monday,
in a little South Alabama
country church
cemetery.
Rest now Granny...I love you!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Maybe It's The Beer Talking...
Or maybe it's just that it was an eff'd up day!
Today was the day to close out my parents' estate.
"Estate"...that's a funny word to describe what my parents left behind. A house that had seen it's better days...that needs more work to bring it up to code than it's worth...and nothing of monetary value = "estate".
One thing we knew for sure is that they left this world together, without a will, essentially penniless, debt-free, and a broken down house full of memories.
Imagine our surprise when the probate attorney drops a costly bomb on us in the 11th hour that there were a couple of "issues" to resolve first. "Issues" that we had been told didn't exist even up until 2 days ago! After we re-grouped and headed out to do the work of our attorney..we were able to get some major progress made towards closure. Dumb-ass attorney! Had he done his job properly, these "issues" would have been discovered and taken care of at the very beginning, instead of at the ending when time & money are critical.
Let me just say....make sure you have a will and that you have your affairs in order at all times! Even if you THINK you don't have anything that YOU think qualifies as an "estate"...have a plan!
It was a VERY stressful day! I found myself angry....angry at Mom and Dad for dying and leaving us with this mess! Angry at the attorney for doing a half-assed job. Angry that the four of us had to move into "GO" mode and get things done at the last minute. Angry that Mom and Dad had not made a legal plan or had even written out a penciled plan on a cocktail napkin somewhere! Angry that the four of us were put in the position we are in.. to try to figure things out without a clue!
All I know after 4 beers (and a tiny buzz) is that in one week it'll hopefully be all over and I never have to go back into "The House"...and I hope to never have to deal with a probate attorney again! I truly am not near tipsy enough to think I won't dwell on the events of this afternoon for a while!
God.... I miss my husband! Dealing with all this shit for 9 months without him had just been sad and lonely! The silver-lining is that I have found a closer love and respect for my brothers and sister than I ever knew existed before. We grew up just tending to our own and not giving any notice to each other.We've actually drawn closer together and have realized that we are the only family we have left. Our family (name & spirit) is ours to carry on...to honor.
I miss my Mom and Dad! There's not enough beer or alcohol in the universe to soften that!
Today was the day to close out my parents' estate.
"Estate"...that's a funny word to describe what my parents left behind. A house that had seen it's better days...that needs more work to bring it up to code than it's worth...and nothing of monetary value = "estate".
One thing we knew for sure is that they left this world together, without a will, essentially penniless, debt-free, and a broken down house full of memories.
Imagine our surprise when the probate attorney drops a costly bomb on us in the 11th hour that there were a couple of "issues" to resolve first. "Issues" that we had been told didn't exist even up until 2 days ago! After we re-grouped and headed out to do the work of our attorney..we were able to get some major progress made towards closure. Dumb-ass attorney! Had he done his job properly, these "issues" would have been discovered and taken care of at the very beginning, instead of at the ending when time & money are critical.
Let me just say....make sure you have a will and that you have your affairs in order at all times! Even if you THINK you don't have anything that YOU think qualifies as an "estate"...have a plan!
It was a VERY stressful day! I found myself angry....angry at Mom and Dad for dying and leaving us with this mess! Angry at the attorney for doing a half-assed job. Angry that the four of us had to move into "GO" mode and get things done at the last minute. Angry that Mom and Dad had not made a legal plan or had even written out a penciled plan on a cocktail napkin somewhere! Angry that the four of us were put in the position we are in.. to try to figure things out without a clue!
All I know after 4 beers (and a tiny buzz) is that in one week it'll hopefully be all over and I never have to go back into "The House"...and I hope to never have to deal with a probate attorney again! I truly am not near tipsy enough to think I won't dwell on the events of this afternoon for a while!
God.... I miss my husband! Dealing with all this shit for 9 months without him had just been sad and lonely! The silver-lining is that I have found a closer love and respect for my brothers and sister than I ever knew existed before. We grew up just tending to our own and not giving any notice to each other.We've actually drawn closer together and have realized that we are the only family we have left. Our family (name & spirit) is ours to carry on...to honor.
I miss my Mom and Dad! There's not enough beer or alcohol in the universe to soften that!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Wordless Wednesday - and then Some!
Before NEW EOT (End of Tour) Date was plugged in:
After New End of Tour Date was plugged in!
Isn't that wonderful?! And in a couple of months we will have R&R - and then less than 50 days left until the END!!
Now on to the "and then some"...I haven't blogged :o( I'm not even sure why. I conjure up blogs in my head but they never make it to the Blog!
I'm thrilled that my husband (after 5.5 months) FINALLY got Internet in his office so we can Skype when he gets to work (sometimes) and before he leaves at the end of his work day. The awesomeness thing is that the picture quality is like 100% times better. Typically I see a very blurry image that represents my beloved....now I can actually see every grey hair on his head! I LOVE IT!!
My Honey Before decent Internet Service
My Honey AFTER!
Happy Wednesday!
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