From Afgahanistan to the Cotton Row....

4 Huntsville soldiers to run Cotton Row in Afghanistan

Monday, May 31, 2010

Huntsville Times

As you read this, our nation remains involved in two wars: Iraq and Afghanistan, where brave men and women serve daily, fulfilling their sacred oath to "bear true faith and allegiance" to the Constitution of the United States, the cornerstone of our democracy.

Since the beginning of our nation, thousands have served in similar circumstances, and equally thousands have paid the ultimate price for "we the people."

Freedom is not free, and the holiday we commemorate today, Memorial Day, is that one special occasion where we as a nation pay homage to those in the Armed Forces who have died for a cause greater than self. We are the beneficiaries of their great sacrifice and their ever-living examples of honor, selfless service, integrity and courage.

For those actively serving today, Memorial Day is not only a day of mourning for fallen comrades in arms, but a solemn renewal of our duty, recognizing that we stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us.

The annual Memorial Day Cotton Row Run, in particular organizer Wayne Smith, has long paid special recognition to those members of the military who are serving in far-flung parts of the world, especially those in combat.

This year for the first time, four members of the 1960th Contingency Contracting Team, based in Huntsville, will be participating from two locations in Afghanistan: Kandahar and Bagram. Their plan is to begin the run early in the morning before the heat (120-plus degrees) and dust make it too tough to turn respectable times in to the run officials; they remain very competitive.

For these Alabama Army National Guard members, Huntsville is home; it is where they will return to and live after their 12-month deployment. Each is a volunteer and on his second combat deployment.

The four soldier runners are Capt. Jeff Campbell, Staff Sgt. Lesly "Rich" Richardson (Kandahar Airfield), Capt. Todd Floyd and Staff Sgt. Daniel Martin (Bagram Airfield). They see their participation in the Cotton Row Run as an affirmation of their role as citizen soldiers, and connection to the family, friends, and neighbors who continue to sustain them in all they do.

In the King James Bible (Ecclesiastes 3) there is a paragraph that talks to the seasons of one's life. "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up?

Memorial Day is that time to "build up," in the sure knowledge that we are a nation blessed with patriots, both past and present.

To Capt. Jeff Campbell, Staff Sgt. Lesly Richardson, Capt. Todd Floyd and Sgt. Daniel Martin, we thank you and wish you Godspeed and a safe return home to Cotton Row Run 2011.

Maj. Ken Arnold, a contracting contingency officer with the 279th Army Field Support Brigade out of Huntsville and a former Huntsville city councilman, returned last November from Kandahar, Afghanistan, where he wrote a weekly Soldier's Diary chronicling his six-month deployment.

(P.S. Run times were: Todd 23:32, Daniel 27:34, Rich 29:37, Jeff 34:15)

Marking a Milestone....

Today is Day....

of deployment. I promised myself that I would do SOMETHING to mark the passing 25 days at a time. At day 25 I had a full heart scan and 'work-up' done to check for any potential health issues (all was clear)!

So, I slept in until 8am...sent my Honey an email. We played email tag for a bit and never did connect! Argh.....

My day tripping started with a ...
Pedicure. It wasn't as pretty as the pictures I found ...but it was nice. Well, there was this one part where the pedicurist massaged my lower legs and feet with a salt scrub. Sounds nice, huh? It hurts like hell! Especially on freshly shaved skin! As she scrubbed my skin with her scented salt scrub...I would winch in pain, at this she thought I was reveling in the relaxation and would increase her pressure. By the time she rinsed my legs off the stinging was almost unbearable! No lie...my legs were blotchy-red for about 2 hours! All-in-all, in the end ~ I do have 10 cute, blue-with- flowers, toes to show for my pain and suffering!

Next up - I hit the Mall & Bridgestreet for some retail therapy...
I'm no shopper..but I did manage to pick up a nice comfy pair of brown sandals, jeans and a couple of shirts. Okay - a few. (Sorry Pook!! I'll be transferring a little funds to pay my credit card bill. Don't worry, I did pay for most everything myself...you'll only pay for some)!

Oh, I did hit Clark's for those way too cute black wedges that I put in my last posting. They didn't have my size..I ended up getting a different style, that I already regret buying because it wasn't the style I wanted. Soooo...tomorrow I head back out to return them and will just wait it out and check back another time, maybe order them.

Then, Lunchtime! I LOVE Chick-fil-A!  As I sat there (alone) I realized just how very ALONE I was.  There were red/white/blue balloons all over and families sitting/laughing/talking. I thought about the day....that it'd been 50 days since I last saw my husband. It was also 5 months to the day that Mom died (in 2 days it'll be 5 months since Daddy died). I felt a bit overwhelmed and started to cry. Right there in Chick-fil-A!!! I followed that episode with a brief meltdown in my car.

After reapplying my makeup and putting on lipstick (because Mama said everything looks better with lipstick on)..I went to the post and played......

B-I-N-G-O ~~~~

I spent 4 hours waiting and hoping that I would get to  yell "BINGO"! There were some very serious players there...toting around bags of brightly colored daubers and putting out lucky charms for good mo-jo! I think that's why I didn't win...I arrive empty-handed! I ended up a big fat LOSER, but I had fun.

Now I'm home....having a ...beer for dinner.







I'm also waiting on my incredibly handsome husband to Skype me!  

(This picture is of Pook. He was renovating my parent's home to accomdate my Dad after his heart attack....it started to rain and the wind blew down the plastic barrier after Rich had already gotten ready for bed. He slipped on his shoes and went out to fix the damage).



So...that's how I spent Day 50!

Love, Peace & Another Day Closer!

Wordless Wednesday & I Want it Wednesday...

Okay - I'm playing along with both Wednesday Specials.

Wordless Wednesday............

I Want it Wednesday.........

(I wanted to put of picture of my Honey in his undies, since that is really what I want...but I figured he wouldn't appreciate that as much as I would. Plus, I  will have these shoes a hell of a lot sooner than I'll have my husband back and out of his uniform!)

Peace, Love & Wednesday!

Just to Breathe You In...

I held my breath Saturday as news broke across the sandbox. There was not a rush of panic and disarray for me..I said a prayer - it only takes one - and waited for God to show up. He calmed my fears and gave me a strength that I thought I'd lost along the way of this deployment. After seeing my husband's tired and weary face later in the day (via Skype), I felt the air I had held from the beginning of the day, slowing release.

Before going to bed I broke out the gym bag that held the clothes Rich wore on our last night together.  The bag had remained untouched  all this time.. for 46 days. It took me at least 30 days to bring it from the back of the car into the bedroom. I would even wonder out loud to myself why I just didn't empty the bag and move on; Saturday I got my answer. I knew I had kept the bag intact just for this moment. Surprisingly, after 45 days, nothing smelled..he had only worn the clothes for a few hours. I threw his underwear and socks in the laundry and took out his shirt, put his jeans back in the bag.

I slipped into his shirt to sleep in. I smelled him all around me...felt him...

Jake jumped on the bed to lay beside me, his head on my shoulder. I could hear him as he inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, again and again, his eyes closed. I smiled when I realized that he was breathing in 'his daddy', just as I was breathing in my husband. We fell asleep this way, the lights still on, for a few hours before Jake jumped down to get in his bed.

On Sunday morning I packed the shirt away in a plastic bag for the next time.

Love, Peace & more Peace & Love!

Flashback Friday!

It's Friday. That means another week has come to an end. Despite a minor breakdown earlier in the week ~ I've/we've made it through. Day 42 is coming to a close before long.

In honor of Flashback Friday...here's some memories to share from way back in 2008. (not far back, but it's all I've got at this moment and this computer to share).

Here we are in Hollywood, California ~ July 2008

This trip out was a great deal of fun. We visited an amazing Winery, did the touristy thing in Hollywood.

Toured the Queen Mary, went to Venice Beach, toured Pook's stomping grounds (Long Beach).

Met our grandson, Landden, who was a month old!

Love, Peace & Happy Friday Memories!

Just A Moment....

The "moment" I've had yesterday is slowly passing. I know that today is another opportunity to breath..another chance to live..one more moment to love. Yesterday is gone!

The "moment" came washing through me like a tidal wave yesterday. Completely consuming me, my night, my day, my evening. I woke up in tears and closed my eyes to sleep last night in the same stream of tears. I felt so totally "alone". Friends and family are around..keeping me company or sending messages ~ I appreciate you all so much. I wish I could explain how it feels to be "Me" so that no one will think that it is 'Them'.

How do I explain the deep loneliness that follows me in my heart every day and every night? I miss having my husband with me to share the life we've built together. I miss going to bed with him at night, I miss waking up with him each morning, I miss the touch of his hand on the back of my neck, I miss his voice, I miss his laugh, I miss his kiss. I miss the way he tries to wink, I miss hearing the garage door open and know that he's home, I miss the feeling of his hand in mine when I walk, I miss watching TV with him, I miss seeing him washing his bike, I miss his smile and laughter as Jake wallows over him.

I miss my Mom and Dad.

I go about every day being the strong one, the responsible one, the keeper of everything and everyone, the one that tries desperately to hold "it" together without my husband, so no one will look at me and worry that I'm not.  I'm just one person and I'm doing the best that I can do; I can't do any more. I'm not depressed, I'm not upset, I'm not weak, I'm not having a breakdown. I don't need a hobby. I don't need to volunteer my time or a part-time job in order to 'stay busy' (I have a full-time job) to 'get my mind off things'. I don't focus on or think about 'deployment' every minute of every day ~ I live with the emptiness that it brings about. I'm tired. I don't sleep well some nights and not at all sometimes. I lay awake while moments, responsibilities, conversations, 'things I need to do, should do, don't want to do'... go through my head all fucking night long.

I worry about my husband. Is he safe? Has he slept? Has he taken time to eat? Does he still love me? When he doesn't talk on Skype - just sits there - am I wasting his time? Does he have better things, more useful things to do? Does he miss me? Does he really want to hear about the 'dirt/sand' project at home or that the dogs make me crazy sometimes? I look at the calendar every day and the days seem to just drag on; I tick off each one.

My job consumes my days - not because I'm busy..but because I am in a low-point. I feel "dumbed-down" by it, unmotivated, unchallenged, bored. It hits my self-esteem right below the belt to go to work and feel like my degrees and more than a decade of experience is worthless. No, I don't want to go back to school for my Masters!

I've been sick and not feeling well - I'm tired of pollen and coughing. I'm tired of feeling tired. Yes, I go to the gym 3 days a week ~ no, I don't want to go every day.

There are times that nothing is wrong ~ I'm just quiet. I don't know what to say most times. I start to open my mouth but words don't come. Or I say something and it suddenly feels trivial; who wants to hear about mundane things? I'm tired of eating cereal for dinner. I can't find the motivation to cook. I miss my husband cooking dinner. I miss how we worked together in the kitchen, floating around each other to pull off a great meal.

No, I don't need you to move out. Yes, the dogs make me crazy from time to time; but they also make me smile just watching them play in the back yard. Don't NOT call me because you think I have enough going on and you don't want to bother me. Don't NOT ask me to meet you for dinner or drinks when you ask yourself, "I wonder what Renee's doing". Yes, I'm stressed sometimes and there's nothing you can do to prevent it from happening. I feel "alone" every single day and you can't heal that for me ~ it just is. I don't 'need' anything. I just want my fucking life back and I'm trying to put the pieces back together as quickly as I can! It's okay that I feel down some times and I want you to understand that. I will have 'moments' that last minutes, hours, days...but they will pass. You are not in my way, you don't bother me, you're not causing me stress. Please don't make it about you, because it's not. I can't be top of the world happy and spunky 24/7 - every one is entitled to a down-day; I'm not any different.  Please understand that I'm still grieving (for Rich and for Mom & Dad). I cry for my husband, for my parents, for me, for you, for no reason at all. My tears flow without notice, without shame ~ it's really okay. Each one that falls means that I'm one tear closer to healing.


Love, Peace & This Too Shall Pass!

Sending PVT Joey....

Joey.

I've loved him for 11 years - from the moment Rich brought him home and into our lives. Our relationship grew rapidly and deeply.. before I knew it I had developed this need for him.. this addiction. Just having in him my life makes me happy! I've taken many trips with him (alone and with Rich) ~ we've traveled many States together. He's always discrete and often stays out of sight from others; yet knowing he's with me gives me a sense of comfort. Joey reminds me that I'm never completely alone in the world and that love comes in many forms.

Rich has known about Joey since he came into my life; has accepted him ~ that acceptance alone makes me love my husband even more.  Rich & I haven't spoken to anyone outside of our close family & friends about Joey and my/our relationship with him....people may not truly understand. Only friends and family members have met him and have allowed him to be a part of our lives without the fear of ridicule. I never dreamed I would share my life or my bed with anyone other than Rich, but sometimes.. to just reach out an touch his hand ... I can't let go. Joey represents Home and the Love there.

Until now.

There is something bigger than me... bigger than Joey...that brings about a long separation. He left for deployment today. It was a major decision for me to send him off... hoping he arrives safely at his destination. A year is a long time and I hope that he comes home safely... I trust that Rich will make sure Joey comes home. Watching Joey leave my arms today, with his dog tags hanging from his neck and that crooked smile... saddened me...frightened me...intensified my loneliness for my husband.  I know that it's the right thing for me and for Rich.

I'll miss you, Joey!
Take my Love and Feel of Home to My One True Love!

Love, Peace & Joey to You!

A Little Salt on Your Words, Madam?

 I had to eat some words lately...swallow some pride! I found that a dash of salt (preferably around a margarita glass) makes those nasty things go down just fine. Sit back, grab your coffee and let me walk you back a few days/weeks.

Remember the post about the Holy Grail of Checking that I did a while back (Just Checking)? I have been faithfully tending to, updating and monitoring the the massive parting gift that my Honey left me before departing this Country. Even from a far, Pook has kept up the SAME spreadsheet - I know he's doing it JUST to make sure I'm doing it right... surely it can't be because he's OCD (nah...couldn't be that).

A few nights ago Rich & I were Skyping.....
Pook: How much was the bill to get the AC fixed?
Me: $425. I used one of your checks. (you didn't think I'd use MY account, did you?)
Pook: What was the check number? I'll bet it was 27XX? (he's looking at his spreadsheet)
Me: Nope...it was #32xx. I could find where you hide put your checkbook, so I got another out of the box. Wait...what are you doing? Are you updating the spreadsheet?
Pook: Duhhh Yeah.
Me: I saw you had a balance on your credit card...I transferred money to pay it off.
Pook: Oops... I did the same thing - so, we've double paid it. Oh, well..there's a big credit there then.
Me: Look, Pook... either I do the money or YOU do the money. We both can't or crap like this happens! You trust me to do it or your don't! We BOTH can't run around paying the same bills! (rant, rant, rant)
Pook: I know....I trust you...hey, make sure you let me know how much the ___ bill is when it comes in.
Me: I will NOT! Don't you have a War to deal with? (Jeezz)

A couple of days ago....
I'm sitting at my computer...updating the spreadsheet...checking things out. I've thrown down the gauntlet so now I had to deliver! (Closed spreadsheet). Thinking to myself... "Self, you've got too much crap on your desktop. No wonder you can't find anything.. look, TWO links that's titled "Renee" (one holds the banking file from Pook). So - I start deleting shortcuts and renaming some to better serve my needs!

(NOTE TO SELF: If you do a right-click on the shortcut and move down to "Rename", just above it is a little word called "Delete").

I deleted the Holy Grail of banking records!!!! (uuhhh noooo...it wasn't saved on my computer)

If you've just gasp and put your hand over your mouth and uttered the words: Oh, HELL No! .... you'd be doing the exact thing I did.

The next day......
Pook: Hey Babe...what's new?
Me: Oh, not much. (I let the conversation play for a few minutes).
Me: Babe, you remember when YOU put "THE SPREADSHEET" on my desktop? (I tried to make it sound like it was his fault; see my angle here?) Well, I ...blah..blah..deleted it on accident....
Pook: (a smile spread slowly across his twinkling eyes) You did? Good thing I've kept my spreadsheet up.....it's perfectly accurate.
Me: Was that a smirk? It's not nice to gloat! Can you send it to me?

Today.... I got "the spreadsheet" this morning! I'm sooooo sure that I'll hear about this for a long time! Damn spreadsheet!

Love, Peace & Happy Friday!

Flashback Friday

I LOVE Flashback Friday!!

The first picture was taken on our Wedding Day (5/98).

The second picture was taken  last Summer (7/09)

Notice how everyone is posed the same in both pictures?!

How did Pook & I get so short?

Sooooo.......

There is almost nothing worse than to hear or utter,"Soooooooo" in a converstion. "Soooooo" usually proceeds or follows an awkward moment of silence - the time where there is just nothing to talk about.

What do you do? Do you immediately make a fast exit and hop the next train to anywhere else, or do you change the subject hoping that it will spark something new and interesting to say?! Does it do any good to cough up filler conversation or do you opt for quality over quantity?

Sooooo.... I've been pretty lucky (so far) to get to Skype with my husband twice a day. We've finally moved into the groove of talking just before he goes to bed and just before he goes to work. When it's noon'ish for me, Pook is getting ready to go to sleep (After working 12 hours, chow, shower, maybe run to the PX, stand in line for 2 hrs to do laundry, or countless other things that need to be done). When it's bedtime for me, Rich is getting ready to go to breakfast and work (after going to the gym, showering, getting up & around).

The first part of the deployment we crammed in as much as we could say in the time we had...now as we've moved to a routine and peices are starting to fall in place, we have found ourselves in the "sooooo" zone. Lately, our conversations have fallen into a lull ~ then the frantic attempt for filler conversation begins:

Rich: Hey Babe, how's it going?
Me: Hey Babe, everything's good/okay/overwhelming/alright. So, how was your day/did you sleep well?
Rich: It was busy. Long day. Just got finished grabbing dinner/getting a haircut/taking a shower/doing laundry..I'm tired! or I slept alright/tossed and turned/have been up since 3am. Anything going on at home?
Me: The toilet leaked/the AC broke/work is the same/kids are fine/Jake's good/Whittens are doing fine/blah..blah..
(Time lapse: 8 minutes )

Sooooooooooo.................

Rich: So, nothing's new?
Me: Nope...nothing's new.
Both: Soooooo.....(then we awkwardly throw in crap to talk about for about a minute)
Me: I love you and miss you
Rich: I love you too. Miss you back.
Both: Soooooo.....
Me: Look Babe, there's no sense in trying to make up shit to talk about just to fill the time. It's okay.
Rich: Yeah, you're right (not sure if he really said I was right - but it's my blog and it sounded good)
Me: You go on a get to bed/check email, FB, news/get to breakfast & work and we'll catch each other on the flip-side!
(Time laspe: 8 minutes, 35 seconds)

Both: I love you...kiss..kiss...sleep well/have a good day...I love you...Bye!
(Time lapse: 8 minutes, 50 seconds)

Quality over Quantity!

The Most Beautiful Woman I've Ever Known...

Mama, you were the most Beautiful Woman I have ever known! I ache from the depths of my heart for you ~ I miss you & I love you!

He Had Me at Hello...

I woke up on May 8, 1997 not expecting my life would be changed before I laid my head down to sleep that evening. I was interpreting at a local University and the day held a 'field trip' for my student's Business class. The field trip was a tour of a large manufacturing facility and lunch  for my friend/client/student, "Mike and his classmates. As the class and I gathered in a conference room to await our special tour guide; I never would've imagined that the man who walked in the door, would be the man I would walk down the aisle to marry one year later.

We were introduced, shook hands...my heart knocked, "Helllloooo, I know this guy. Renee, look...I know him". I was at the tail of end of a horrid relationship (Webster hasn't invented the words to describe it, but it was bad). My head threw 'the hand' up in my heart's 'face' - "Talk to the hand, 'cause the Head's not listening to you, Heart"!! My heart's feelings were hurt, tucked tail and retreated.

I remember right before the tour, Rich saw I was having a wee bit of difficult putting anti-statics belts on my heeled pumps..like the Prince to Cinderella, he knelt down and securely fastened each one. Heart: "Beat, beat...but really..don't you recognize....", Head: "Shut the hell up".

So we toured, I worked, we had lunch, we talked. The tour and work ended...we shook hands and parted ways. "Mike" and I were walking away from the building. Right before we got to the parking lot I turned around for a glance back. Rich was standing there with his friend, "Joe", watching us leave.

It took 3 months to slowly progress to our Love Story - my Head and my Heart went to war. The battle was ugly, blood, sweat and tears were shed, both had grown weary. In the end, my Head raised the white flag and my Heart won in the end!  Rich said he knew - but knew I needed time to realize we were meant to be together.

One year later, May 8, 1998 we were married in a wedding chapel in Nashville, TN! We ran into his friend, "Joe" one day soon afterwards.

Joe: "Rich, did you tell her what you said to me that day you met?"
Rich: "No, I never did".
Joe: "Rich said to me, Joe - if she turns around and looks at me, she's mine forever".

My heart laughed... and then smiled. It knew all along!

Happy 12th Wedding Anniversary, Rich! I Love you endlessly and completely! 10,000 Times!

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day!

To Military Spouses Everywhere ~ I am honored to be among the (not so) Silent Ranks with You!

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day to you ALL!

Hooah!

I'll Take an "H" and Solve the Puzzle, Pat"....

D-I -A -L - A -H-U-S-B-A-N-D! (CLAPPING ALL AROUND)!

Murphy's Law! What ever can go wrong will go wrong! So it wasn't all together a huge ass surprise that as soon as Rich went down range...things around the house would start to blink out! It started with the lawnmower belt breaking, moved on to a leaky toilet and progressed to a frozen A/C unit. So, what do I do? I Dial a Husband!

Meet Brian (aka, Bri, Mr. Whitten, Pook's BFF, Rear Detachment Command of Ft. Toney, Connoisseur of all thing beer and wine and Trivial and my deployment Dial-a-Husband):

Brian is my go-to husband while Rich is away. He cuts my grass, takes my garbage to the street (and back), fixed my mower, fixed the leaky toilet and stood in the back yard with a water hose thawing out my A/C unit, and tonight I made a beer run to the Whitten Brewery and came back with 2 beers! On top of that - he and his lovely wife, Leigh Ann (aka, Mrs. Whitten - one half of "The Whittens", my BFF, FRG Leader of Ft. Toney, our Personal Decorator and Room-Stager extraordinaire, and master of all things quick & easy) - don't mind if I'm the 3rd wheel!

After Rich and I got married we looked around our little county subdivision and decided that we needed adult interaction. The pickings were mighty slim! The house across the street went up for sale (thank goodness because the folk living there were rude and snobby). So...we did what normal folks do when you notice someone looking to buy a house...we pressed our noses to the window and sized up the 'potential' neighbors. They looked normal...big YEAH! When we finally realized that they were buying the house Rich and I marched right over, as they stood in their new driveway, and we introduced ourselves - in the blink of an eye, I declared that they were our new best friends...whipped out my Mary Kay lip liner and paper and wrote down our phone number! That's actually the truth! They had NO CHOICE but to give in - we knew where they lived!

Over the past12 years they have truly been the best friends we could ever have dreamed of. From our traditional Friday night Wine & Cheese fest, the ability to throw together a party in a quick second, co-host a rockin' Pampered Chef party,stage a house/room for surprise guests in under 15 minutes, and watch our children grow up... we've stuck together like glue.  Four pillars of love, support and unconditional strength for each other. Even if they are Alabama fans (just kidding.... you know I love ya, folks). We've shared many laughs and tears (and MANY bottles of wine) together - what more could you ask for?

Brian came to be my 'dial-a-husband' by choice - really it was probably more like by default. There is no one on this Earth that Rich and I trust to help out than Brian.Without a Dad, Brothers, Uncles ...etc...around to call-on when I need a hand....Brian more-or-less was drafted to his role. I'm so grateful that he accepted his appointment. I PROMISE to learn to do things myself so not to wear-out my welcome or make you wear out the grass between the driveways!

We've got many stories that I will share along my blog-life! So..until then.... meet Leigh Ann and Brian (my dial-a-husband).... our best friends....The Whittens:

Love, Peace & Cheers to our Best Friends!

No So Wordless Wednesday.....

I think I've been Wordless all since Sunday. I've been sick in the good 'ol Southern allergy-cold-yucky-pollen way! I'm a true Southerner...native to my area.... I hardly ever get sick! WTH?! Usually when everyone else is blowing and snotting all over the palce, I'm passing out the Kleenex and saying "hate that for you"! Well now.....

What started out as an annoying cough over the weekend, started taking me down on Monday! My body ached, my throuat hurt from coughing and I felt like death warmed over. By the time I got home from work all I could do was change my clothes and crawl in bed! I stayed there until 11am Tuesday morning - waking up long enough to email work to let them know I was taking a sick day. I got up and around and went to a doctor's appointment. Last night I slept again - all night. I'm better today - just tired.

I've come to realize that I'm not getting enough sleep! In fact...up until Monday night when my body crashed... I had not slept through the night since Rich left ~ only catnapping here and there... Pook and I have a private blog (Yes, we have our own place to blog to each other that only we share), here is an excerpt from a recent post that I'm sure many of my blog-friends/fellow milspouses can relate to:

Me: "Another week has slipped by. It didn't go quickly and it didn't without lots of tears - but it went by. Many sleepless nights! I find myself waiting by the phone, waiting by Skype, waiting by Facebook, by email, by smoke signal - just to hear from you. It's like watching water boil. Even when I know you are sleeping I still wait. I feel like the image of the lady standing on a cliff, overlooking a harbor... her hand is raised to shield her eyes from the sun as she stands and watches for the ship to come in, bringing her lover home. I watch and I wait...."

So there.. I don't sleep because I'm constantly waiting & watching on-line, even when I KNOW he's not going to be there. It's just the "what if" he pops online - I don't want to miss a chance. There's nothing worse that realizing you've missed a call or going on FB or Skype and seeing that you've missed him by minutes or a few hours.

Rich:  "Please don't feel guilty about settling in. One year is a long time to stand on the edge of a cliff. Don't do it! The faster we both get into a routine, the better. As crazy as that sounds, we both know it's the right thing to do. Our day will come where we both go back to the cliff and wait. At that point, the wait will soon be over because I will see you from the sea; as my lighthouse; shining your light in order for me to find you once again. Lost at sea for now, but not forever!"

So, my body took over my mind and heart and forced me to sleep - 2 nights in a row. I even left my laptop in the kitchen so not to be tempted to sit vigil through the night. As crazy as it may sound to some, knowing that 'it's okay' for me to sleep gave me a peace to do so. Not that Rich  gave me permission to sleep, but he allowed me to give myself permission.

Eventually, Rich & I will find a routine to talk, Skype, or IM Chat. I have to remind myself that there's a war going on around him and I cannot be first and foremost on his every thought. It's a tough pill to swallow, but I hear it goes down well with a nice Cabernet!
 
Love, Peace & A Restful Night to my Love!

May 2, 1966....

Today is my 44th Birthday!

I remember sitting in church when I was little girl, playing with a calculator that I had "snuck" in. While Bro. so-and-so was preaching Hell and damnation, running up and down the aisle of our Freewill Baptist Church, Daddy sitting in the pulpit (he was the Deacon) watching us kids - to make sure we weren't acting up - I punched out numbers into this tiny adding machine. This was in the mid-70's. "What year will it be when I turn  16?" 1983 - Oh, my goodness. That's so far away!! "When I'm 20, what year will it be? " 1987. I can't believe that I will EVER be that old!! " In the year 2000, how old will I be?" 34 - No way!!! Why, that's older than Mama"! Sitting in the pew that Sunday, I was astonished that I would grow old....wouldn't stay a little girl forever.

I wasn't alone in my journey of aging. Just after midnight on May 2, 1966 I was born...followed 5 minutes later by my sister. The story goes that we were a complete surprise! Our heart beats were identical, so through 8 months there was only one strong beat to be heard. One Heart Beat! Now, we've heard stories about how it all went down..the doctor coming out and telling Daddy that there were "2 Babies", Daddy dropped his coffee cup! We were labeled Baby A and Baby B; they had one name picked out, but not another - so they had to go back to the drawing board. When were were packing up Mom & Dad's things a few months ago I came across the receipt "paid in full" for our birth - $250.00.

We also grew up hearing the story about when Rhonda & I were born, our brothers (3 & 1 1/2) each "took a twin"..after a short while they traded!

Being an identical twin has it's challenges - it wasn't easy by a stretch. Well, when we were little there was a comfort in having someone to play with - when we got older it became a pain in the butt. Mama dressed us alike until we were started 7th grade. That year we could wear the same thing but in a different color. In 8th grade we were free to do what we wanted - I cut my long hair off dinky short and we never wore matching clothes again.

We often stood in front of our bedroom mirror just staring at our images. "People are crazy", we'd say. "We don't look a thing alike". I remember one time in our mid-20's, driving up to Michigan where she had moved, early one morning. The sun had just come up. As I drove up to her house, Rhonda was standing on her porch, not a lick of makeup, her long hair blowing, wearing a flannel, jeans and boots - I thought then at that very minute, that she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and I wished I could look like that! I've never forgotten that moment in all these years. She's still the most beautiful!

We fought hard for our own identity; fought the twinness and each other - sometimes winning the battle, sometimes losing it. We were "The Twins", "The Girls", "The Blocker Twins", "Rhonnanea" (to our cousins who couldn't tell us apart). We couldn't escape it. We hated the comparison, the expectations, the feelings of inferiority, jealousy, loneliness, and 'not feeling good enough', the fighting and bickering, that being twins gave us. We went our separate ways during and after high school - following our own paths. It took us 14 years to find the path back to each other.

Rhonda lives with me now that Rich is gone! Who would've though that "The Blocker Twins" would be living under the same roof again? I could almost hear the breath suck in and eyebrow raise from our family when we announced that we'd be living together. Just us (okay..the house is not empty by any stretch), but for the first time - it really is just US. There's a comfort to know that she is on the other side of the house, in the next room, or coming home, that keeps me semi-sane during this time in my life. I hope that I'm a strength for her, too, in some way.

So, Happy Birthday Sister! May you always know that you are beautiful and always remember that I love you! Grow old with me! I Love You!







 Love, Peace & Birthday Cake!