No So Wordless Wednesday.....

I think I've been Wordless all since Sunday. I've been sick in the good 'ol Southern allergy-cold-yucky-pollen way! I'm a true Southerner...native to my area.... I hardly ever get sick! WTH?! Usually when everyone else is blowing and snotting all over the palce, I'm passing out the Kleenex and saying "hate that for you"! Well now.....

What started out as an annoying cough over the weekend, started taking me down on Monday! My body ached, my throuat hurt from coughing and I felt like death warmed over. By the time I got home from work all I could do was change my clothes and crawl in bed! I stayed there until 11am Tuesday morning - waking up long enough to email work to let them know I was taking a sick day. I got up and around and went to a doctor's appointment. Last night I slept again - all night. I'm better today - just tired.

I've come to realize that I'm not getting enough sleep! In fact...up until Monday night when my body crashed... I had not slept through the night since Rich left ~ only catnapping here and there... Pook and I have a private blog (Yes, we have our own place to blog to each other that only we share), here is an excerpt from a recent post that I'm sure many of my blog-friends/fellow milspouses can relate to:

Me: "Another week has slipped by. It didn't go quickly and it didn't without lots of tears - but it went by. Many sleepless nights! I find myself waiting by the phone, waiting by Skype, waiting by Facebook, by email, by smoke signal - just to hear from you. It's like watching water boil. Even when I know you are sleeping I still wait. I feel like the image of the lady standing on a cliff, overlooking a harbor... her hand is raised to shield her eyes from the sun as she stands and watches for the ship to come in, bringing her lover home. I watch and I wait...."

So there.. I don't sleep because I'm constantly waiting & watching on-line, even when I KNOW he's not going to be there. It's just the "what if" he pops online - I don't want to miss a chance. There's nothing worse that realizing you've missed a call or going on FB or Skype and seeing that you've missed him by minutes or a few hours.

Rich:  "Please don't feel guilty about settling in. One year is a long time to stand on the edge of a cliff. Don't do it! The faster we both get into a routine, the better. As crazy as that sounds, we both know it's the right thing to do. Our day will come where we both go back to the cliff and wait. At that point, the wait will soon be over because I will see you from the sea; as my lighthouse; shining your light in order for me to find you once again. Lost at sea for now, but not forever!"

So, my body took over my mind and heart and forced me to sleep - 2 nights in a row. I even left my laptop in the kitchen so not to be tempted to sit vigil through the night. As crazy as it may sound to some, knowing that 'it's okay' for me to sleep gave me a peace to do so. Not that Rich  gave me permission to sleep, but he allowed me to give myself permission.

Eventually, Rich & I will find a routine to talk, Skype, or IM Chat. I have to remind myself that there's a war going on around him and I cannot be first and foremost on his every thought. It's a tough pill to swallow, but I hear it goes down well with a nice Cabernet!
 
Love, Peace & A Restful Night to my Love!