Wordless Wednesday...

Deployment Sucks!

Just Checking...

Pook and I have been married  a long time - 12 1/2 years. We both had been married before and had children we were raising. Money was tight and sometimes, I swear you could hear George Washington cry in pain... we were THAT tight. We had modest jobs, working our way to a raise every chance we could, as our eyes glazed over at the debt we both brought into our marriage. Not that we had poor credit or had been irresponsible with money, but sometimes it's just easier to take mounds of previous debt with you when you leave a bad relationship, than to bicker over it and prolong the end. Just sayin'.

Before we said "I Do" I only had 3 conditions...(1) I won't take out the garbage (hell, there were 3 guys in the house to do it), (2) I won't do yard work (I'd watch from the cool inside and take him ice water, though), and (3) I won't handle the checkbook! Now... we were both adults and both had been soley responsible for all three of those 'conditions', that's why I could stand there, tap my foot and say "not gonna do it"! Since then, I've 'helped" with the yard work - if only as a distraction (*wink*...remember that Honey??), I've hauled out the garbage more times than I wanted (the boys were just too damn lazy sometimes when Rich would travel for work - or when he went on "house strike" for almost 2 years). The house strike meant I had to do ALL of the laundry, cooking, cleaning and garbage - it was a very dark time! Lots of hallway sex! (You know the pass in the hallway and say "F-U" .. no "F-U") . It wasn't pretty!

On to #3 - I won't handle the checkbook!  I damn well meant that. There was this one (brief) time when we shared a checking account that Pook decided to let me handle the accounts. I probably could've and would've done it, had I not been pissed about it and he had not acted like a nervous-nelly and hounded me about "did you pay this, pay that? how much do we have left....". It didn't take us long to go to our own financial corners with individual bank accounts in hand. I've been happier and financially oblivious all these years. Pook got half of my pay to do "whatever he needed to do" and I got the other half to do "whatever". However, I had to pay for my gas and household groceries, and anything that I wanted to buy. He paid the bills and managed the household budget. Pure bliss to be in the "Un-know"!

A week ago last night, as Pook and I sat in our lovely hotel room to share our last night together, he gives me something so sacred and overwhelming - and then he gave me the files to the bank account! LOLOLOL. He gave me the Holy Grail of banking - our joint bank account files and password! Anyone that knows my husband can totally agree with me on this - this was a major step - only Uncle Sam and the effing deployment could pry this out of his grasp! (can I get an AMEN). Now, Rich is the Excel King - he rocks a spreadsheet like no one I've ever seen! He will spreadsheet A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G! (He probably ran a spreadsheet on marrying me - fortunately the numbers came up favorable).

So, I mention to Pook the other night that I transferred $XX out of his checking (which is actually our joint checking) to my checking so I can pay his dental bill. (It's HIS bill... see how this works?I could've paid it out of his account but I have no idea where his check book is). Pook: "Cool, I'll update my spreadsheet that I have". Uh, yeah... I'll do that too. Me: "You have a spreadhseet, too? Pook: Yeah, I have a copy so we can both make sure we are running the same numbers."WTH? He actually expects me to update the Holy Grail! Seriously? I don't even keep a checkbook register but I can tell you to the dime how much is in my account. Pook: "Oh, don't forget to add the deposits to the register". Got it!! Crap!

So, today I sat down to open up the password protected mega Excel spreadsheet. I wish I could show it to you! There are 7 tabs of data! 7! On the check register there are 7 columns, ranging from transaction code, date, description, payments, code (I have no idea what "code" means- there are only "Xs" in the column), Dep/Cred, Balance. I'm supposed to keep this updated! Hmmmm.... after looking at his method of madness for about 10 minutes, I went in and successfully entered the transfer (his bill) and recent deposits. Had to cross-reference that with the online bank statement to make sure I'm to the penny. Hot damn - I was! Fortunately, we don't have the debt we used to have, and the few things we do have is set up on auto-pay.. so I'll just have to update deposits and maybe a transfer here or there if needed - but for A YEAR!!!  Is he crazy trusting or what? I much prefer working with smaller numbers; say, like in my account!

Now, I honestly know how to manage a household, a budget and a check book! I have done this more years that probably most of my followers have been alive - it's just that I hate to do it! I hate the details and the numbers! I'm not above the task...it will get done... but I still don't wanna do it! :o)

He cracks me up!

Peace, Love & Happy Deposits!!

Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon...

Queen
A Night At The Opera (1975)
Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon
I go out to work on a Monday morning
Tuesday I go off to honeymoon
I'll be back again before it's time for Sunny-down,
I'll be lazing on a Sunday afternoon
Bicycling on every Wednesday evening
Thursday I go waltzing to the Zoo
I come from London town, I'm just an ordinary guy,
Fridays I go painting in the Louvre
I'm bound to be proposing on a Saturday night (There he goes again)
I'll be lazing on a Sunday
lazing on a Sunday
lazing on a Sunday Afternoon.

Yes, lazing on a Sunday Afternoon. Okay - really it was actually Sunday morning, afternoon and evening! There's nothing better than being lazy on Sunday; unless it's being lazy with my Love!  I got up at 7am, sat around on my computer in my Dad's PJ pants, a tank top and my Husbands flannel shirt until 11:30'ish. Then a nice bath...cleaned house - then went shopping and had dinner with my daughter! I talked to Rich a couple of times today (smiling BIG here)!!

My sister, got hooked up in blog-sphere! Like me, she has so much going through her head, that plunking the words out across the computer screen seems to help fight off the sheer edge of defeat. I hope that she can find a healing in her thoughts and in the friendships blogging brings about. I also informed her yesterday that she had to be my Best Friend now that Rich is gone! hat means she has to hang out with me (although she lives with me). She rolled her eyes and whined.."Why do I have to do that"?  Because... stop whining! She rolled her eyes at me - I know she did. I was driving and didn't SEE, but I know she rolled her eyes! 

Check out Rhonda's blog: Soul Survivor 2010

 My daughter asked me today if I had thought about what I will do with myself while her Dad is gone? Not really...did I want to take on a second job? a hobby? a project? I think she's afraid I'll be needy and clingy to her and was trying to head that off at the pass! Actually, I told her that there were a few things, projects really, that I already had in mind to tackle. I ticked them off and assured her that there would moments of sadness and loss (just as with her grandparents deaths), but that they would pass and I will be okay! It's nice to know that my children worry about me. I know they do even when they don't call and check on me, and when they aren't around - but I'm going to be okay. They will be okay! As for the projects.... I need to make a list so I don't forget them! 


Pook, if you are reading this... I love you 10,000 times! I miss you every second!


Peace, Love & a Lazing Sunday Afternoon
 

Waking up in Loserville!

This is a "wallowing" post.

It's 8am here is sunny Northern Alabama - I've been awake since 6:40... just laying here (sitting here now). Not only do I feel like I woke up in Loserville, but I actually moped around in it all last night. My journey here started when I was leaving work yesterday. Co-worker: "Hey, what are you doing his weekend?" Me: nothing. Another co-worker and I were charging for the door at 5:00... she said : "I am so glad to be going home..." Me: "Yeah, me too". I get in my car and think to myself "what the hell am I rushing home for? there's NO ONE there. I looked at my cell phone (I'm one of those bad people that make phone calls and talk while I drive), I realize that I am friendless, childless, family-less and husband-less. I got no one to call and nothing waiting for me.

I went to Publix to wonder the aisles (Loser)...I ended up buying - no shit - 2 packs of pizza rolls (buy 1 get  free), box of chicken/cheese toquitos, bag of pita chips, hummus, peanut butter pretzels, 6 pack of beer. I sat on the front porch steps eating 6 toquitos (cooked, of course) and had 2 beers for dinner. If I keep eating like that I may need to pick up smoking again! (I won't really, but it sure sounds good). I get out the laptop and check online..half a gazillion times (FB, Blog, Email, News...) - Nothing.

Rich calls after I finally take my boring ass to bed to read a book. It's like a slice of Heaven to hear his voice and talk about mindless crap! I love him and miss him ~

A half a sleeping pill puts me out of my misery gets me to sleep only to wake up still in Loserville. Same effing place - different day. I realize that  I have NOTHING to do, NO ONE to talk to or hang out with, NO where to go and NO REASON to get out of the damn bed. This realization only intensifies the sadness and I wonder how the hell I'm going to make it through the next fucking year if this is only day 7? Deployment sucks for all of those left behind - especially those that are young and having children to care for. I've been there and done that. For someone (like me) in their mid-40's, empty-nest, without a significant friend base, no 'girl friends', waking up in an empty house and empty day, it pretty well sucks.

The wallow-show is over. That's my morning so far... it's 8:36am.

8:50am... all is not lost! I go to make coffee and my sister is walking out of her bedroom (she didn't go to work today)!! 

My Awards & a Little About Me.......

I have received a couple of Awards that I have failed horribly at giving proper recognition and gratitude for. I have NO IDEA how to link to other bloggers, but you ALL are wonderful in every way and I appreciate you so much! On that note, I won't pass them along!

The Rules:

1. Thank the person you got the award from

2. Name 10 things that make you happy
3. Pass it on and contact the lucky winners

I'd like to say Thank You to Jessica at Me, Him & the Army for this Happy award! If I knew how to link to her page I'd send you there to read about her amazing life!

10 Things that make me Happy:
1. The feel of my husband's hand on the back of my neck.
2. Listening to The Eagles
3. The smell of the ocean
4. Looking back over my life and realizing that although the road had its rough moments - I'm right where I always wanted to be.
5. Hearing my little grandson calling me Ma-mama (Grandmama) on Skype
6. Lipstick (Mom always said that every thing looks better once you've put on lipstick. She was right!)
7. Hearing my husband's voice - telling me loves me "10,000 times".
8. Going Home after a trip
9. My children telling me they love me - for no reason
10. Knowing that my parents knew that I loved them with my whole heart!

                                            More Rules: 

1.Thank and link to the person that gave you the award

2. Pass this award on to 15 bloggers you've recently discovered and whom you think are fantastic

3.Contact said blogs and let them know they've won

4.State seven things about yourself

First of all - I've recieved this prestigious award from Paula at Queen of my Castle and Birdie at Soldiers Lady. I apologize if I've left anyone else off the list. You are ALL Beautiful Bloggers!!

7 Things About Me:

1. I have an identical twin sister, Rhonda. Born 5 minutes apart (I'm the oldest, but she's the dominate twin)We are in a book about twins called "Twin Stories".

2. My eyebrows (90%) fell out after a hysterectomy at 25 - I rely on Clinque Eye Brow pencils daily to put them back on! It's a pain in the ass! My fear is being one of those OLD LADYs who ends up just drawing one thin arch above each eye!

3. I have used Oil of Olay lotion (the old lady kind) on my face everyday since I was a teenager. At 43 I have few obvious wrinkles! Shout out to my Granny for getting me on that boat!

4. I spent 8 years as a sign language interpreter for deaf college students. My hands wore-out (no lie... it's an intense job) and I was forced to 'retire'. I met my husband when I was interpreting a class tour at a local company.

5. I have a group of butterflies flying up to my right shoulder - each butterfly the color of the birthstones for my children, husband and me.

6. I love the music of The Eagles. They sooth my soul when I'm sad/lonely and rock me when I'm happy!

7. I have 4 children: 2 biological children (Josh-25, Kelley-23) and 2 non-biological children (Nick-25, Brandon-20).

Thank you again for the Awards my friends!!

Peace, Love & Happy Friday!

Where are my sheep??

Ughhhh.... I can't sleep!
I did pretty good last night, but tonight...........

Blowing kisses in the wind....

 This was the Facebook message exchange between me and Rich today!

Renee Blocker Richardson to Rich Richardson: When you smile for no reason, just know that it is the kiss I blew, that is finally reaching you! I love you!

11 hours ago · Comment · · View Feedback (3)Hide Feedback (3) · See Wall-to-Wall

Rich Richardson

Caught the first one! Send more!

4 hours ago

Deployment has begun - he moved to MOB yesterday morning. I won't lie - it was difficult to leave him standing in the parking lot yesterday to load his gear into a van that would take the 4-soldier team to MS; I didn't stay to watch him leave. I had a little breakdown once I got home but mostly I was in a 'numb' state of confusion. I didn't wallow long; I got up and went out to cut the grass ~ something I haven't done (not once) in the 5 years we've lived in our home. I couldn't figure out out to start the weed-eater though; but I know a certain neighbor (hint) that can help me out with that. I moved about my day doing things here and there on auto-pilot, waiting for a phone call (I got one last night).

I've decided that I won't count the deployment days on my blog in any way ~ well, maybe just the big milestone days, but not every day. Instead I will focus on and celebrate making it through each day, 24-hours at a time. I remember when Dad had his heart attack last year and things looked grim...we were worried about "what could happen" and "what if".... the doctor told us that all we had to work towards was making it through 24 hours at a time. I remember thanking God every morning that he made it through the night and every night when he made it through the day - for 9 1/2 months until he drew his last breath and joined my Mother. As with the grief I continue to experience since my parents deaths in late December, I know the sadness and loss will come in waves, and usually when I least expect it. I also know those moments of loneliness do pass and I will find a way to fill the emptiness with laughter and life until the next wave comes through.

I know that I am strong even when I feel weak. I know that I can and will be okay even when I feel like everything is broken.

I appreciate all of the support and encouragement from my blogging friends that have been, and are exactly where I am ...I feel like part of a unique sisterhood.

Here's a few snapshots from our family vacation (minus our son, N-25, and his family):

My Lunch - Day 1 of vacation!

He's such a Goof! 

                                                                                  

I love this man!

  The Family laid out!
Styling and profiling for the camera.

Peace, Love & Sandy Beaches!

Rich's Blog: http://rchrdsn51c.blogspot.com/