Dear You!

My feelings are truly hurt by your action...or inaction.

That is all.

Peace.

Ouchy!

I am one of THOSE people..clumsy, accident pron..the one of who Murphy's Law was based one. If it's going to happen to ANYONE - it will happen to Me!!

I have always been that way - sometimes I feel like a wanna-be hypochondriac except this stuff actually does happen. Tripping up the stairs, falling off the sidewalk, paper cut in the weirdest and most painful area, gym injury, stumble over my own feet... you get the idea.

I just spent 2 1/2 months in physical therapy from a knee injury I got at the gym. I was so ready to get back to working out and working off the 8 pounds I gained since March when I stopped going due to the pain. Then that S.O.B. Murphy came around!

So here I was three weeks ago...minding my own business (or someone else's), walking down my neighbor's sidewalk - it was dark, I was talking and walking (a bad combination for me) - the wine had nothing to do with it, I swear - when BAM! I stubbed my pinky toes right into a decorative, yet huge rock. I knew in that painful moment that I had broken that piggy!

For three weeks I have sported flip-flop sandals to work (very attractive in the professional environment) because I can't put my foot into a regular show. A week ago I shoved it in a work boot to help do some landscaping at our rental property (wanna buy a house???), then Murphy shows his sorry butt up AGAIN.

Knee injury A.G.A.I.N. Same knee, different side. I bummed and babied it then hit the gym yesterday (broken toes and all). I was determined to get this weight off come hell or high water. I noticed a tiny bit of swelling at my ankle before I went to bed - woke up with  my leg and foot swollen 1/2 size and I couldn't take a step without unbearable pain.

Here I am on the couch...missing work...ice/heat every 20 minutes and waiting for yet another doctor appointment to have my knee checked out - and my toe.

Ugh!!!

Peace!

That is All....

I can't say that the 2 "self-counseling" posts made me feel better - but I guess I actually do. They led to me being able to just start letting emotions go. It also led to some honest conversations with Rich and listening to him as we tried to work through my state of mind together. He essentially told me - in no uncertain terms - that I was looking for someone to blame...that's the only way I could try to make sense out of the chaos I was in. He's right. (Yes Pook...I said it). Because nothing made sense to me anymore I needed to try and pinpoint where the feelings came from and blame someone...anyone...

I blamed God for taking my folks at the same time Rich was deploying. Hell, I blamed Him for taking BOTH at the same time. I blamed Rich for leaving when I needed him the most - you know because soldiers have a choice in whether or not to deploy (insert sarcasm and eye-roll). I blamed my family for being so broken they could barely breath on their own, for not helping to put me back together. When in truth, I should have been strong enough to carry all of us. (I'm so sorry Family - to all of you for failing you!). I blamed my friends for having their own lives to live - their own families to tend to - their own perfect family. I blamed my co-workers for being so un-compassionate" - well, I will always blame them and resent them for that!


In reality, I have come to realize, that there is no blame to lay. Life happens the way it's intended and sometimes it suck harder than others. Good happens...bad happens. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be angry at God sometimes (or often)! It's okay to miss my parents with every fiber of my being...which is a good thing because I do. I will always want them back..always want them here.


So, am I over it? Never ever ever! But, I'm okay.

Peace