3 Years - New Years Eve

Just as I wrote about it being three years since Mom passed away...today marks three years since Daddy followed her and died. The 56 hours between their deaths were some of the most painful moments I hope to never experience again.One thing I do know for sure is that it doesn't matter if death is sudden and unexpected or expected (we had it both ways)...it still hurts the same.

Each year since I tell myself that I will start the new year 'over' grief and I won't think about it anymore. Each year I fail within the first 24 hours. There will come a time when the sting is softened - I look forward to that time - but I am always grateful that I had two amazing parents, who loved each other so deeply, in which to miss and grieve for.

William Johnie Blocker was my Daddy - he was 69.

I miss them both...every single day.

Peace!

3 Years - It's Just Yesterday

It was 3 years ago today..this morning..that my beautiful mother died suddenly.

THREE YEARS. .

Martha Fransis Blocker was 67.

The memory of that horrible day is still so fresh in my mind and my heart. I don't want to remember but I relive it a thousand times a day. Like a broken record with film. Again. Again.

You would think that the rawness of the loss would fade after three years but it honestly hasn't. It could be because I loved her so very much - it could because her death was so sudden and unexpected - then again, it's because her death marked the beginning of the end of life as I knew it.
I am changed.
Forever changed.

Peace.

Twas the Day After Christmas

It's the day after Christmas and I'm sitting here...at work...

I have not made any valuable contribution to my employer or myself all day long. It's not that I don't have anything to do...I do...I'm just totally not motivated! I'm still sick - Day 5 of the wonderful Christmas present our Payroll person gave everyone before the holiday!! Fever, coughing, wheezing, body aches..what a great guy to share his cooties with the masses! I am armed with a big can of Lysol, locked and loaded! I will point and shoot it at anyone coming in my office with a cough once I am over this mess!

Ugh...4 more hours - maybe 3 if I can get away with it!

I do smell like Julia Roberts today! Yay me!!! Thanks Rich!

Christmas Letters

Dear Mama and Daddy,

It's Christmas once again and I miss you so much. This days reminds me of our last Christmas together and our last few days together, Time hasn't healed and I don't feel any less saddened with each passing day. For 3 years I have grieved for you...for three years I have cried for you.

I love you.

I miss you!


Dear Rick, Randy and Rhonda,

I was wrong. I can't go through my life not knowing when and if I will see you again. I can't make you want to see me once a month, but I know that I need to see you. It was important to me...it kept me whole as much as I could be whole without Mama and Daddy. I know I need to you more than you need me...but I'm not ashamed of that.

I love you.
I miss you!

Your Sister


Dear Rich,

Merry Christmas! I cannot even begin to tell you how much I love you and thank you toughing it out with me for 15 years. I know it hasn't been easy, and God knows that I can be a pain in the butt.. but I am so grateful that you love me. When my heart is broken and you know you can't fix it...you know just when to hold it so gently and try to superglue the pieces back. You are a wonderful man and I am a lucky woman!

I love you!


Dear Children,

Merry Christmas! You fill my heart with such pride and happiness. Each day I thank God that you are mine and I am here to see you grow and have families of your own. To look at you and know that I am your Mom...well, it's hard to believe how lucky and blessed I am!

I love you!