The Silence That Follows

Our Thanksgiving house was full for almost a week. There was chaos everywhere...in every room.. every nook & cranny - and it was wonderful! Our quiet home was blissfully loud to the sounds of laughter, talking, screaming (the little ones), crying (again, the little ones) of 13-15 adults and 5 children.

The day after Thanksgiving sent off half of our family back to their homes. We kissed one family and waved til they drove out of site...then we made our next goodbye at the Nashville airport..waving and blowing last kisses through the glass window separating the waiting area from the concourse. Rich & I drove back to town - only to drive around for 2 hours once we arrived. We couldn't bring ourselves to come back to the silence so soon.

Being long-distance parents to two of our children and our three grandchildren is difficult. It seems that gone are the days when whole families lived within the same county lines and Sunday dinner at Grandma's was the norm - life comes first and the scattering happens. Even though we have two children still local we are realistic...we know they will eventually leave to life and places unknown again.

Peace.

It's My Mind...I Can Change It

And....I have changed it.

I am public again and it's going to be okay.

Something's Missing

The house is full and will be even fully tomorrow. There are kids and grandchildren to run around and be happy. But something inside of me is missing. The hole that always exists....exists. I pray diligently for it to be filled but is remains empty and sad....always on the brim of crying...sometimes the cup becomes so full that it spills over.

Will this ever go away?

The Panic Sets In

I have to say in all honesty - I'm a little tweaked about going all out 'private'. When I started this blog I did it for me...then at some point I got a follower - how?  I'm not sure, but there she was. Since then I have had roughly 109 known followers and many non-public followers; give or take and off & on. Many became people who I considered (and still do) 'friends' in this town called Blogville... a few became friends in my real life away from Blogville. Many bloggers got me through some of the hardest times with just a single word of encouragement or let me know that I wasn't as alone as I felt. I'm not blowing up with ego over those who chose to 'follow' me; I'm just overwhelmed, humbled and grateful for each and every person that did. I wish along the way that I could have impacted my followers' lives in some way as much as they have impacted mine by letting me into their blogs and lives.

I'm saddened that I feel the need to go private.... I cringe at the thought of hiding. When I log in after 15 November, it will be silent. No one to read my blog, no one to comment..just me. That's how it all started. Interesting. If there was a better way I would do it.  I even considered trashing this blog and starting over - but I couldn't bring myself to hit delete on some of the most important  things of my last 4 years... it all adds up to be My Story.

Peace

(Public Blogging) Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

I haven't blogged for a while...a real, meaningful, sincere, emotional-releasing, blog. I have written many in my head and have definitely had a great deal word-worthy and blog-worthy things going on. So, why I have I not blogged them out? Honestly, the things in my life that I want to blog about - well, I can't. Or I don't. The words in my head..in my heart..are so wrapped among the vines of friends, family and others that I know who read my blog. Putting them into a blog, even if just to clear my thoughts, vent, cry and try to make sense of myself and situations, would be taken out of context, taken personally or create an air of frustration that its just easier to keep them to myself.

I started this blog as an outlet ~ it is has become the opposite after almost 4 years. I no longer feel comfortable using this blog to express myself or to say the words that fight to get released.My mind stays scrambled and I feel like I am going nuts with all that is in my noggin'! I don't have a friend/confidante other that my husband, that I can really talk to - so I wear out my husband - or keep it all to myself.

So, I have made a decision.

I am taking this blog private on Friday Nov. 15.

Peace.