A Mother...

I was visiting my neighbors a few minutes ago. Rehashed our week (a 12 year Friday Night ritual), had a little wine. As I was leaving one of "The Moms" arrived for the weekend. "The Moms" is the name I use to identify Brian and Leigh Ann's Moms. "The Moms" are each very special and unique in their own way - I love them very much.

I opened the door to leave and Brian's Mom was at the door. I gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek and made my way home. As I was walking the short span between our homes my chest clinched in want for a Mom again. My Mom. A Mom who loved me unconditionally, knew my weakness and my strength...would talk to me for hours...who laughed and cried with me... who taught me to put on makeup when I was a kid and still held me tight and kissed my lips as an adult. Who did the things that made life memorable and made me believe in myself in ways that only a Mom can. Without her (or my Dad) I am not a daughter anymore...I'm no one's daughter anymore.

I want my Mother ... it's much more difficult knowing that I'll never have her back, than anyone with a Mom could ever imagine.

(I miss my Daddy too....that's another blog)

Hands Up!

When I was a little girl (about 10'ish) I was enthralled with hands. A silly thing to "love" but I remember distinctly watching a hand lotion commercial on television and how the female model's hands were just beautiful...perfect...and I loved the way she held them in just the right pose. When I learned that there were actually hand models I just knew that I had what it took. I had practiced my hand pose, had watched the hands of models on game shows.. and I always thought my hands were just as pretty as those on tv. Yes, I wanted to be a hand model!

35 + years later.....I was getting ready for bed last night. As I washed my hands and started to apply lotion to my hands (my nightly ritual), I was caught off guard by the look of MY hands. I stared at them in disbelief. Really looked at them. Oh...my...I have old hands! When did that happen? When and how did my hands become mapped with pronounce blue lines and wrinkles? I was just flabergasted as I held them up to the mirror - just to double check that the hands were actually mine - how have I not noticed it before? Did it just happen overnight or have I been oblivious to the subtle changes all along? I lotioned them up really well in hopes that I could turn back the clock and bring back the hands I remember..if only in my mind.

I went to bed still thinking about my discovery.  Just how did this happen? Then, as if watching a movie, I was taken back to when I used them to play in the dirt, dress Barbies, steadily play Operation and Pickup Sticks, did cartwheels in the front yard. I remembered all of the music I played with them in the junior high band and the flags I twirled back then. I thought about how they held my children, the many diapers those hands changed...bottles I prepared and the tiny hands I've held in mine. I thought about how I've used these old-looking hands to cook meals for my family...they were my source of income for 8 years and a deaf minstry tool for an additonal 4. My hands have held the hands of my parents, my husband, my children, my friends and family. I've used them to prepare food and cakes for gatherings, events and casual family dinners, to crochet blankets, and to write many words. They've been sore, tired and sometimes injured from the wear and tear. Lying in my bed last night I realized that they have served me in so many ways that my little 10 year old self never ever imagined.

The memories guided me to understand how they became old.
My hands have begun to age.
My hands have changed, matured, and grown stronger by experience.
They have so many stories to tell....
many more life yet to live.
So much aging left to do.

Holding on For Spring!

Ugh...there is MORE snow in the forecast! Right now it's a drizzly rain (has been ALL DAY), but 'they" say it'll turn to snow later this evening. The prediction has never been more UNCLEAR! Could be 1-3 inches...could be more. Could Be! That's definately a way of not being wrong, Weather Folks! In preparation, schools have already started posting delays, businesses have already posted closings! Seriously?! Okay, in the midst of weather hysteria that only can happen in the South - I will admit that I bought a flat-head shovel and three (3) bags of ice salt over the weekend.. yeah, I may be a sucker..but I'll be ready for whatever happens.

Weather like this makes me long for Spring! I love for Spring!! I miss Spring!! The blue skies, the flowers, the temperatures... This Spring will bring my husband home to me! HURRY UP!!! We need to get on with our life...take motorcycle rides, lay around together at night and watch TV, lounge in on Sundays, cook meals together, make love (yes kids...I said that), share bottles of wine with our friends on the back deck. Come on Spring! I'm waiting!!

Ugh...snow..again!

Taking a Sick Day

I hate taking a sick day! I don't feel sick...no fever, chills, sneezing, pain. Nothing. BUT, I just don't feel good. I can't put my finger on what's wrong today....I just don't feel good. I'm tired - not sleepy. My mind is a bit hazy and I haven't taken any meds to cause that. I got out earlier to run an errand, thinking it would make me feel better; it only made me more physically and mentally tired. I am drained. Now I'm home tucked back in bed.

Yesterday I went back to church...I did much better this time.There were a few moments (especially during the praise worship) that I had to completely shut down my thoughts and emotions just to get through it, but I didn't bolt for the door right afterwards. Baby steps....

We are less than 35 days until the end of deployment! I told Rich last night that I didn't care how long it took to get him home once he left Afghanistan...as long as he was out of there!  It's when he is on the Freedom Flight that I will finally be able to exhale and know that it's truly over. We'll both carry with us the battle scars - we'll be okay together.

There's no rhyme or reason for today's post. Nothing catchy or witty.... just words today.

Good Morning, Louis

Oh. My Gawd!!!!

Check this out...this is the group I work for...let me set the scene:

If you walk into my department at work my office is straight ahead. All of the office walls are glass. So I'm the first person you see when you walk through the doors. To your left is Louis...to the right is our Administrative Assistant. All other offices are down to the Left. (picture an "L"-shape with the door to the department being at the beginning of the lower part of the "L" - I'm right at the corner bend).

So Beverly just walks in ...she sees me - there's NO WAY to not see me - she says "Good Morning, Louis", turns to go up the "L" and acknowledges our Admin.


WTH?

Now, we actually ALL get along in our group...there's no high school drama or any kind of drama whatsoever....however, I seem to be invisible around here until someone needs something or has a question.

It's just plain rude!

Happy Dancing on the Inside!

I almost did a Happy Dance out of the Post Office today!

Almost..but it was raining and I didn't want to be hauled off in a white jacket.

TODAY I mailed off one of the LAST 2 care packages that I will send to my Honey!

Do you know how exciting that is?!

This package held a few essential..okay, only one essential and a few extra happies in the box!

I'm reserving my right to send one more just because.

But after that..............NO MORE!!!!

No more ...no more!!

No more Customs forms!

No more Flat Rate Boxes stuffed full!
No More standing in long lines holding heavy boxes!

No more trips to the Post Office on my lunch hour -

Or rushing to beat the Sat. 8-10am open hours.

No more huge debits off my bank card to pay for contents and postage!

No more wracking my brain trying to think of what to include when he doesn't need anything.

No more!

Less than 6 weeks!

Then.....

Peace, Love, and Hallelujah!

Hydration - The Eyes & Soul Have It!

I remember when I hated drinking water! It was dull and boring. During the day I would be so busy at work that I didn't drink water at all because it would mean that I would have to go pee. There were days when I didn't go pee until after I got home. My skin was dry, I had headaches, I was sluggish, and my eyes were always red and irritated ~ all because I was dehydrating myself. I never much thought about how the body needs water to function, to operate properly...despite reading the numerous articles that touted the values of a few glasses of H2O daily.

I began to work on my water intake last year when my eyes began to become so irritated that they felt swollen all the time. I was dumping eye drops and eye lubrication drops in them constantly (way more than the recommended dose). Eye drops became an addiction. My eye doctor told me that my eyes were severely dehydrated and that I needed to drink more water - once I did my problem would go away. Thinking...'whatever'..  I decided to humor him and see what happens. I'll be damned if he wasn't right! After several weeks of hydration my eyes cleared up and I found I was using eye drops less frequesntly...some days not at all! Pretty good for an eye drop junkie! Now I let my eyes be the indicator that I'm not getting enough life sustaining fluid!

I typically drink at least 96 ounces of water every day. Since getting off my regular gym and healthy eating routine at R&R I've found that I'm not drinking as much water - or anything at all. I've been more sluggish and my eyes are burning. With the rebirth of my total fitness committment I've started filling up my Camelback bottle more often - which means I'm peeing ALOT!!! Ughhhh. I know that side effect is only temporary until my body gets the hang of water intake again...but I HATE having to pee every 10-15 minutes! Just knowing the rewards are much more than the temporary inconvience, I keep drinking.

I also have begun to drink more of the Spiritual Water. Despite my often Waivering Faith...I still drink because God still provides it. There were/are times, days, months and even a year where I turned off  the faucet - left it on a trickle -because of anger and loss - it was too much to take in. But, I never stopped believing that all I had to do was turn the 'handle' again and the true Living Water would be there. I know that it's okay to struggle with my Faith ... it's okay to be angry with God and to be disheartened - how else would Faith be rebuilt? If there was not struggle there would be nothing to seek...nothing to learn...nothing to hope for...nothing more to believe in. That's what faith is, really...believing that there is a Hope...that there is Peace abundant waiting for me to receive. I'll get there again ~ I have no doubt.

Through my journey and daily spiritual workouts I find myself going back to the Water for a sip or two often; some days I drink more and some days I find myself completely dehydrated. My human emotions are still extremely raw so I only take in what I know I can handle at the time. Each day I open to accept a little more than the day before. I have no doubt that this journey I've been on was designed specifically for me, it doesn't mean that I have to like it or even take it without a question. Even through all of my questions, cries and pleas of "Why?", I can still hear my Daddy's voice telling me (what he always told us), "You'll just have to ask God when you get there".

John 4:14 "But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life."

Love, Peace and Faith!

Waivering Faith

I went to church today. It's been a long time - years.  Several years ago we found ourselves leaving a church that had just 'died' ~ there was nothing there but bodies ~ we visited around, not finding the church 'home' we missed and had had at one time and stopped going. I realized that I didn't need to actually go to church to worship so I didn't let it stop me. I stood strong as a Christian and woman after God's own heart.  I stayed firm in my faith throughout 2009 (praying, trusting, reading Scripture, and even witnessing) when Dad's heart attack took us all down a long road that ended with he and Mom both dying.

Afterwards, I became angry and bitter towards God for taking them at a time when I needed them (my husband was getting ready to deploy). Aside from my equally broken family, I was left...behind. I couldn't understand how God would do this to me, to us...how dare He?? All my life I had believed that He was a kind and compassionate God and as long as I served Him, he would Bless me. I felt like I had been duped - I saw just how mean and cruel He could actually be. I lost all Faith..all guidance.

A close friend said to me once when we had this similar conversation about my anger; "maybe God took them, and then your husband deploys..so you'd only have Him to turn to...only Him to lean on". My immediate words out of my mouth was 'then that's just cruel'. In my wildest dreams and years of being a Christian I never once considered God to be cruel - but I can honestly say that I felt that way. How could He do that? Why would he do that? How could He say that He loves us and then cause such pain and loss? It just didn't seem fair...it still doesn't and I suspect it never will.

I stopped reading my Bible and no longer prayed. What good would prayer do? When I did try to pray my words were angry words, full of bitterness and distrust of Him. He had let me down in the most horrible way. In September I began to pray again - having chats was more like it - every morning on the drive to the gym or work. Some chats were so full of bitterness that I'm surprised He didn't strike my car down some mornings. But I didn't waiver....I may not have fully trusted  Him...but I prayed nonetheless.

I'd been feeling the tug of going to church for a while and had ignored it. I just didn't think I could walk through the doors and have the same faith and hope that I once had ~ I'm different now. I woke up this morning with going to a familiar church on my heart...I got up and I went to the gym first thing....I'll ignore the feeling. Once I got home I watched the clock tick..."well, worship service starts in an hour and there's no way I'd make it". "If I'm not ready by 10:25 then I'm not going". I took a shower, got dressed and had 10 minutes to spare - damn. I found myself out of reasons and excuses.

I drove the few miles to the church with my stomach knotted up and I felt sick - I just didn't think I could do this. I just wasn't sure that I could let down this wall I had built around my spiritual heart...I didn't know if I wanted to. But I went anyway.

The message was about Destiny...how ironic. I found my bitter self couldn't rest and let my heart just go with it - but I stuck it out. In the sermon I would hear talk of love and peace and my head is screaming...bullshit! They sang familiar hymns that years ago I would've been belting out along with everyone...this time I sat quietly while I rolled my eyes on the inside: "Shout to the Lord" - I wanted to scream at Him. "How Mighty is Our God"- pretty damn mighty...He's mighty enough to crush your Soul. I went through the service fighting the 'fight or flee' feeling. I stayed. Does that mean that I stayed to fight what was inside of me? I don't know, but I stayed. The minute the last prayer was spoken I was the first out the door - I didn't want anyone talking to me. Once outside I took in a deep breath...air...fresh air! As I drove home I turned to God again and said "Satisfied"?

I think He said "YES".

Vacuuming Sucks!

Vacuuming Sucks - well....not MY vacuum cleaner! I have this love/hate (really HATE) relationship with vacuuming, I'm not sure why; I don't recall any situation that has scarred me deep enough to literally detest this cleaning ritual. But I assure you - I'm not a fan! AND because I'm not a fan I seem to have this knack for burning the hell out of a vacuuming cleaner! I know for a fact that I have owned 4 vacuum cleaners in the past 3 years! Mind you, I'm not buying top of the line, $500 vacuum cleaners but I'm spending upwards of $200- $300 for good quality and a good reputation machine. Doesn't matter. I have successfully killed 4  in this short time.

Right after Rich left (9 MONTHS AGO) for the Sand Box I burned up the motor mechanism that makes the brush-thing rotate. I have no idea how...it just happened. So I went on a town-wide excursion to find the perfect replacement. I paid a pretty price and got a great vacuum. Unfortunately it had a short life span. This morning I'm cleaning  and vacuuming - things are fine and dandy until I notice the 'sound' seems to be weird. I keep going...the sound gets worse. I flip it over thinking I've sucked up something only to see smoke billowing from the motor compartment. WTH? I specifically saved the box with the receipt taped to the inside "just in case"; but it got thrown away at R&R - what are the odds?! I have no idea where I even bought it - that was too long ago and too much was going on in my life then. SOOOOOO, today I got a new vacuum, put the receipt in Rich's filing box and the box is going in the attic (yep, Rich...you read that correctly). With a 7 year warranty I'm not taking any chances!!

Rich and I were laughing at the curse I undoubtedly have surrounding carpet cleaning. We've agreed that when he returns I will continue to take out the garbage (his hated chore) and Rich will do the vacuuming!

So, what did I buy?

Shark® Navigator™
 

Broken Promises to Myself

There's still snow on the ground; there is no indication that it has begun to melt anywhere. As I drove to work this morning sparkles to my left along the tree line caught my attention. Ice in the trees from another old evening. The ice .... twinkled. It was beautiful how it covered each individual branch. That "twinkling" reminded me of my Mother - how she loved things that sparkled, twinkled and shined. Along that route in to town my heart became heavy with longing for her. I began to cry.

When the new year rolled around I promised myself that I would not think so much about my Mom and Dad. I promised myself that I would go into 2011 and leave the loss and grief behind me and not dwell. I promised myself that I wouldn't allow myself to think about them being gone or to think about them at all, lest I become sad, and that I would force myself to not miss them so much. I promised myself that I would begin this year on a fresh note...no grief...no sadness..no going back to 2010 where I spent a lot of time in grief.

I promised myself that I would blog less about my Mom and Dad, that I wouldn't FB about feeling lost, sad or any emotion relating to them or their deaths. There are people (yes, I know that you think this), that feel it's been long enough and I shouldn't be sad anymore, that I should be 'over it' by now. But, I've played your their  game and pretended just to make you them feel better...because it makes you them uncomfortable...because you've they've still got your their parent/parents...because you they can't relate - not really...but I pretend for you them anyway.

The truth is that even when I made myself promises - I knew I couldn't keep them. The truth is that I do miss my parents every single day. The wound still feels fresh; some days fresher than others but it's still open. It still hurts and it's still makes me sad. Underneath my smile and my laughter lurks the sting. Memories are evil when it comes to grief - you have no idea. It's a double-edge sword to the heart. On one side I smile at something I remember about them..at other times something so random - like ice in the trees- will remind me and my resolve crashes again.

I broke promises to myself and I let a memory catch me. As hard as I've tried to run from it...it caught me by the heart, by the throat, by the brain this morning. I'll stuff it back down and carry on throughout my day...just like every day...I'll wipe my own tears and make another promise.

Wordless Wednesday!

Taken during R&R!

Jake was in pure Heaven!

The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom it touches. ~e.e. cummings

 

(Picture stolen from my friend's, Misty, FB. I'm a thief...but I didn't take one of the snow actually falling)

Yep, snow fell in the South Sunday night and on through yesterday. Not only is this the 2nd snow fall in 3 weeks (very rare), but we haven't had THIS kind of snow it years! To say that we Alabamians are so unprepared for snow is a complete understatement. There are no snow plows here..just good 'ol shovels. Who thinks about buying a snow shovel?? What about chains for your vehicle? Nope...not here!

The weather folks report a blizzard (by Southern standards means 1-2 inches)...schools close, businesses shut down in anticipation, the town goes crazy! Then NOTHING happens - or at least nothing happens that warrants the frenzy the news creates. So when the weather folks say we are going to get 8 inches of snow..not only do we laugh at them and roll our eyes...we (meaning "I") do nothing to get ready. I even parked my car in the garage instead of on the road in front of my house. Stupid weather folks!!

Low and behold..we got 8-9 inches of the white stuff, with 12" snow drifts in some places of my yard! I spent the day in the house wishing Rich was home to enjoy this sight with me! The hardest part about being snowed in is knowing that you can't get out. Whether I wanted to leave the house or not, I couldn't! Drove me crazy!!

So this morning I got up and got dressed for work. YES, WORK! I used up my vacation for R&R, didn't want to use up my 2 floating holidays and didn't have the vacation accrued yet to take today off. So...I tried getting out of my garage and up the driveway incline. No luck! I spent actual time....1 1/2 hours shoveling the driveway! Each scoop made me curse this deployment, curse the fact that I was stupid not to park on the road, curse the snow gods for this white plague! My back hurt, my feet were frozen and I knew I had severe hat-head from my toboggan. So much for the time spent on my hair earlier!

Alas, I dug my way through and out of the driveway! I no longer feel guilty about the time I didn't spend at the gym lately.

(This pictures was taken from my garage of the driveway. See it? Nope...neither do I).

Once I got off the little mountain that we live on it was smooth sailing all the way in to town. Tonight it will all freeze over!

Tomorrow is another story............

Stay warm!

The Last 50 Miles

Several years ago Rich and I rode the bike to Panama City Beach for Thunder Beach. It's a 7 hour drive by car...it took a little bit longer on a motorcycle. I remember how excited we were to pack up and pull out of our neighborhood - looking all bad ass in our leathers and shades. We were giddy with the thrill of doing something so "cool" and taking the bike on our first long trip. About 3 hours our literal asses were sore and we were vowing to get new seats (which we got as soon as the trip was over) as soon as possible.

The sweet Alabama landscape looked so beautifully different from where I sat, holding my husband's waist, listening to my MP3 player as the Eagles reminded me to "Take it Easy. 4 hours in the couple we were riding with had a flat tire and we got delayed about 2 hours while that got fixed. We got back on the road and kept on heading South. We just never thought we'd get to Florida.

 
  Once we crossed that Florida line we could start to pinpoint exactly when we should be pulling in to the hotel. The excitement began to rise within our tired minds and bodies. We were exhausted beyond measure but we KNEW the end was coming...another 50 miles or so. Each one seemed to go by even slower than the one before.  We kept pushing on..just one more hour...another 45 minutes...only 30 miles to go...almost there. We kept pushing until finally, "Welcome to Panama City Beach" came into focus - we were never so happy to get there than we were that evening.

A few awesome days there and it was time to hit the road again for home. The final road to Home was filled with the anxiety of knowing what was ahead of us...knowing how far we'd go until time to fill up, when we should be where at a given time (barring no flat tires or issues), and when we should be rolling back into the driveway. We rode North now knowing what to expect from the road and the bike. We hit that last 50 mile marker and the realization that we were almost finished with of the trip; that we'd even did the trip; hit our minds and our bodies.

Just 50 more miles...we can do this. Like dejavu, each mile seemed longer than the last. We held on and pushed on until we got to our town. When our neighborhood came into view we rushed to it with everything we had; arriving more knowledgeable and exhausted than we ever imagined before.

As I think about this deployment I relate it to that trip. The first part of deployment took a lot longer than we expected and we never thought we'd finally get to R&R. In a blink he was gone and we've begun the long ride back Home. While it's not long now until deployment is over, the days/miles can't pass fast enough. We are both tired from our time on this road we've been on for 9 months, we are weary, our bodies and spirit are exhausted from the trip. Less than 50 miles to go...we'll hold on tight and just keep pushing on.

BTW: Rich and I still talk about that rode trip. We'll ride Thunder Beach again this year (end of April).

Sunday Morning Comin' Down

After 9 months of deployment I can firmly state that Sunday's are the WORST day of the week for me! I hate, hate, hate waking up on Sunday mornings alone. Saturday is not so bad...I usually have people, places or things waiting for me.... but Sunday? Not so much!

Pick TODAY for example: I wake up and lay there. I look at the emptiness of his side of the bed - it's cold - I look out the window. I lay there and listen t the A/C unit blowing for a few minutes. Then I hear nothing. Nothing. here's nothing waiting for me once I get out of that bed. I get up and in the shower...get ready for the day...and now I'm sitting here all dressed and ready for something. Nothing - I've got nothing. All day long. Oh, I can find something to do but it's just not the same without Rich around.

I'm not sad or depressed by any measure - just kind of 'eh' about the day ahead.

Flashback Friday!

While I like to spend my time looking ahead to the future...to the very near end of this deployment ...to a time when I will (God willing) get to wake up to my husband's kisses again...(Yum) I also LOVE to take a look back.

Flashback Friday!!

This was taken back around Spring 2008. Rich and I played hooky from work ...convinced our BFF's to do the same (we are such a bad influence) and join us on a do-nothing kind of Friday! Here we are sitting on the back patio of Humphrey's Bar & Grill ~ I'm 100% positive there was a drink or two involved!

Happy Friday!!

What Day is This?

Wednesday?  Really?

I would swear that it is Monday or whatever day that brings about bad mojo!

I took a 2 week hiatus from the gym (and all reasonable eating) while my Honey was home for R&R. I was itching to get back to the daily routine that I had carved for myself over the past 4 months. Imagine my surprise when I got up at 0430 this morning to get to the gym by 0500, only to find that my fingerprint code would not let me in! Well, I was able to get into the lobby (it's a code then fingerprint recognition security system) but I couldn't get into the gym part!

There I am at 0500 entering my code (which it took), put my fingerprint on the scanner (which it accepted), the light turned Green to tell me that I'm all clear to go in - I pull on the door and it doesn't unlock! I have a sneaky feeling that it's my Honey's fault...okay, not really, maybe. While he was home we went and added him to my membership so he could workout during R&R....they were going to suspend his part after R&R until he returned in March....I'm thinking they accidentally suspended the whole thing. I'll figure it out after work when I go by there. Urgggghhhh!!

I get to work this morning (yes, I'm blogging before I get started), and wonder why my dress feels 'weird'...like you forgot to put on underwear weird. Hold on....yep, I got them on! What I did forget was my slip so my dress it a bit clingy today against my nylons....which BTW has a run in them! I did think it was a bit strange this morning that I found them in a cubby-hole in my closet instead of where they should be. Could it be that I knew at some point there was a run in them and put them in the cubby to throw them out? Probably. More likely that I took them off in the closet and threw them in the cubby because I was to lazy to get them to the garbage can. *sigh*

On a good note...my hair looks great today!

Where'd it Go?

R&R came and went way too fast! Rich and I managed to enjoy each and every day with our friends, family and sometimes, just each other. Days didn't fly by while we were in them, but collectively they were over before we knew it. It took a few days - well, almost a week - for either of us to sleep through most of the night. We fell effortlessly into our 'normal' routine; running errands, cooking together, cleaning up, hanging out with our family and best friends, and catching a few moments of just 'alone time' when we got a chance. We even remarked about how it seems like he hadn't been gone...that we were back to what was normal for us so easily.

In the blink of an eye we were standing in the airport saying goodbye. A few kisses and long hugs (and a couple of tears) were all we had left .. and then my Soldier was gone. My dear lovely friend, Mrs. CPT....who I love and has been an amazing support to me throughout this deployment...was a few feet away giving her husband a similar goodbye. She and I embraced, shed a tear or two, and waved once more to our wonderful husband's as they disappeared out of sight. "We've got this" we agreed together. We've already conquered 9 months..we can do the last 2!

This morning it seemed like R&R was a dream. If it wasn't for the new sofa and a few other things we bought while he was home, my mind would be convinced that it didn't happen. I woke this morning after a restless night to a coldness beside me again. His military bags were gone from the bedroom floor, his shaving kits was not in the bathroom, his wallet was no longer on his dresser, all traces were gone - did I imagine all of that for fifteen days?
BUT Soon!
2 months ~ we've got this!

In The Break Of Dawn...

As the dusk of dawn came through the blinds this morning, my husband scooted up behind me to mold his body to mine. He wrapped his arm around me and whispered his love for me and said that we 'fit love a glove'. And we do. With a simple, sweet kiss we broke the embrace so we could start getting around for the day. As I lay there hearing him rummaging around in the bathroom, shaving and brushing his teeth, I realize all too well how things will be different tomorrow. R&R is coming to an end.....tomorrow morning we will wake to our last embrace for roughly 60 days. Sure, 60 days sounds like a breeze after the time we've already served...but he'll still be gone.

R&R has been wonderful. It seemed to go by slowly enough; but I look back over the past 14 days and wonder where the time went. Can it really be time to kiss my husband goodbye and send him back off to war? R&R has gone by fast (in a slow way); we've spent a great deal of time with family and our best friends, we spent quality time with each other and we've spent money wildly (okay, not really...but we did).

Today we will go to the Blocker Family Breakfast...a monthly breakfast my siblings and I started back in September, to bring our families together to catch up (we are spread-out in N. Alabama). My siblings and any of their kids (they are all grown now) that can make~  it should be there - or risk getting talked about! So, Blocker Breakfast then to do a little shopping for a few things Rich needs to take back him him to the sand box.

Well, I better get out of this bed and get my shower! Our day is waiting!

Peace!

A New Year...A New Chance

2010 is over now 

and a new year has dawned!

I leave You behind - 2010....

I leave behind the 

grief of loss...

I leave behind 

the anxiety deployment... 

I embrace a New Year now...

there's hope, 

more love, 

family, friends, 

a clean slate....

It also brings

my Love back home!