As I sit here on the back deck, coffee by my side and my husband across the table from me tinkering with his weed eater (he's googling what could be wrong with it), I realize that my mind is so clogged with thoughts right now. So a-blogging I will go...
It's been a very rough week for my friend Dana, whose husband was injured in a motorcycle wreck. I greeted her plane on Wednesday and took her straight to the hospital to be by her husband's side. All of the last few weeks of turmoils were all washed away once she held his hand and kissed his lips. Nothing mattered but to be with him and help him to fight to return to her. As of today, one week since his accident, he is still in a coma. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing when witnessed by true love!
I bought a dress for the Dining Out next Saturday night. It needs a slight alteration but it is perfect otherwise! This is my first 'formal' - I never even went to prom - so I was nervous about what to wear. Rich went with me and we flipped through so many dresses at the mall (Belk and Dillard)..most were too young and I was growing frustrated. I finally went up to an employee and asked where the dresses for ADULT women were. After trying on 8 I finally picked the one! Pictures to follow later!
Rich and I have two days of NO plans whatsoever! We finished up all of our chores yesterday and now...... here we are! Having nothing to do sounds great but we will grow bored really quickly!
That's my ramble for the moment.
Peace
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Dear Susie
I wish you truly knew how much I miss you..us...our closeness. Your life has been changing so much over the past few years - I guess mine too, although it feels like it hasn't - that we've found ourselves so far apart. Is it just me or do you feel it to? There's never a time when I didn't know we were friends, Susie ~ even when I really, really needed a friend and you weren't able to be there for me. Most of the time you were so busy and consumed with all that your life threw at you that you didn't even know that I needed you. I felt guilty about bothering you so I learned to adapt and just keep going.
I don't even know if you read by blog anymore, Susie. But, if you do..know that I miss us!
Peace
I don't even know if you read by blog anymore, Susie. But, if you do..know that I miss us!
Peace
What a way to spend a beautiful Saturday!
It's a gorgeous start to a long 3-day weekend! Backyard barbecues, picnicking,camping, boating, hanging out under the stars with people you love and enjoy, drinking a few too many or just a big cold glass of lemonade! Ahhhh...that's what a long summer weekend is all about!!
Unfortunately, that is not my weekend! Nope! Na-da!
We are up and at 'em around the Richardson Boarding house (that's just what we call our house)! Rich has hit the garage to work on our son's truck while I am typing this post out before tackling a week's worth of laundry and 2 weeks of a dusty, dirty house! Then when that fun is over we have other mind-blowing things awaiting...like...yard work, pressure washing the houses...that kind of fun!!
We haven't been invited to an barbecues (which is totally normal for us), there are no plan whatsoever! My hope is that we can knock out everything today and have 2 days of just chilling. Oh, Rich will run a 10k Monday morning - someone will be packing mimosa in a thermos!!
A big, fun, safe weekend to you all!
Peace!
UPDATE #1: Bleeeccck....I think I just pulled a small cat out of my tub drain with tweezers. And I don't have a cat! (Shiver...shiver)
Unfortunately, that is not my weekend! Nope! Na-da!
We are up and at 'em around the Richardson Boarding house (that's just what we call our house)! Rich has hit the garage to work on our son's truck while I am typing this post out before tackling a week's worth of laundry and 2 weeks of a dusty, dirty house! Then when that fun is over we have other mind-blowing things awaiting...like...yard work, pressure washing the houses...that kind of fun!!
We haven't been invited to an barbecues (which is totally normal for us), there are no plan whatsoever! My hope is that we can knock out everything today and have 2 days of just chilling. Oh, Rich will run a 10k Monday morning - someone will be packing mimosa in a thermos!!
A big, fun, safe weekend to you all!
Peace!
UPDATE #1: Bleeeccck....I think I just pulled a small cat out of my tub drain with tweezers. And I don't have a cat! (Shiver...shiver)
Friday, May 25, 2012
Friendly Relations
Since this is my blog and I use it to get the voices and words out of my head...I will!
I find myself in a 'friend' funk. I have a couple of friends..even close friends (female) that I have things in common with and can talk to about different things. I can talk to "Jane" about this part of my life, and "Mary" about that another part, then there's "Betty" that I feel comfortable sharing different things with. None of them get the whole picture of 'friendship" with me....only bits and pieces according to the situation. What I miss is the ONE friends I can share everything with (other than my very patient, very tolerate husband). A confidant who I can laugh and chat with over lunch in some funky bistro or on the front porch (if I had one) with a bottle of wine.
"Susie" has been my closest friend for a long time, then we started drifting apart a few years ago due to our various life demands. Now there is a awkwardness between us that I'm not sure how we can recover from. It's no ones fault that our connection became frayed - work, kids, life, commitments - it just happened and here we are.
Wherever "here" is.
It makes me sad..it really does.
Peace!
I find myself in a 'friend' funk. I have a couple of friends..even close friends (female) that I have things in common with and can talk to about different things. I can talk to "Jane" about this part of my life, and "Mary" about that another part, then there's "Betty" that I feel comfortable sharing different things with. None of them get the whole picture of 'friendship" with me....only bits and pieces according to the situation. What I miss is the ONE friends I can share everything with (other than my very patient, very tolerate husband). A confidant who I can laugh and chat with over lunch in some funky bistro or on the front porch (if I had one) with a bottle of wine.
"Susie" has been my closest friend for a long time, then we started drifting apart a few years ago due to our various life demands. Now there is a awkwardness between us that I'm not sure how we can recover from. It's no ones fault that our connection became frayed - work, kids, life, commitments - it just happened and here we are.
Wherever "here" is.
It makes me sad..it really does.
Peace!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
What Would You Do? What Would I Do?
A few weeks ago a very, very dear friend of mine who has been deployed for 6 months (her second) - received a "Dear Jane" from her husband. Out of the blue..without warning. A husband who retired from the military last fall- twice deployed - who knows what it's like to be away from your support system in a god-forsaken country. She was in total shock, my husband and I were in total shock - didn't see it coming. He had openly professed his undying love and commitment (fidelity) to her all along; only to end it once her deployment money paid off their bills. In what seemed like a flash the man she trusted and loved didn't want or love her anymore. The grief processes has been horrendous for her because she is thousands of mile away, in a war zone, and doesn't understand what has happened. Fast forward 3 weeks... he now lies in a hospital bed. Taken down by too much booze and an ill-fated motorcycle ride. She is in flight back home ...unsure what she's actually walking in to. A girlfriend? Mutual friends who had 'his' back with partying and potential unfaithfulness? A husband who said he didn't love her anymore or wanted a divorce. The woman he didn't want will be the one to nurse him back to health - how's that for irony..or is that Karma?
She doesn't know what she will do when she gets home...to the hospital...to him. Part of her wants to run to him and be grateful he is alive and will recover. Part of her wants to walk away and salvage what little self-respect remains from his stripping down.
What would you do?
What would I do? That's a tough question to answer. We all believe it won't happen to us. She believed the same thing. But what would I do? My head would want to say good ridence and a big "f-u"...my heart that still loved him and would want to nurse and comfort him..my head would never forget...my heart wouldn't forgive. Maybe he wakes from his medical-induced coma and has a change of heart and begs forgiveness and another chance - maybe he wakes and doesn't remember he didn't love her - maybe he wakes and remembers everything and nothing has changed.
Whatever happens will happen. She's been stripped of her 'friends' that she left, the love of her life and her self-worth. Since I've never been part of her "other" friend-circle (the ones in the 'know" about what was going on), I'm still standing by her side! Her new circle is smaller but stronger....we will get her through this time somehow.
Peace
She doesn't know what she will do when she gets home...to the hospital...to him. Part of her wants to run to him and be grateful he is alive and will recover. Part of her wants to walk away and salvage what little self-respect remains from his stripping down.
What would you do?
What would I do? That's a tough question to answer. We all believe it won't happen to us. She believed the same thing. But what would I do? My head would want to say good ridence and a big "f-u"...my heart that still loved him and would want to nurse and comfort him..my head would never forget...my heart wouldn't forgive. Maybe he wakes from his medical-induced coma and has a change of heart and begs forgiveness and another chance - maybe he wakes and doesn't remember he didn't love her - maybe he wakes and remembers everything and nothing has changed.
Whatever happens will happen. She's been stripped of her 'friends' that she left, the love of her life and her self-worth. Since I've never been part of her "other" friend-circle (the ones in the 'know" about what was going on), I'm still standing by her side! Her new circle is smaller but stronger....we will get her through this time somehow.
Peace
Saturday, May 19, 2012
A blog a day...well, not exactly
No, I'm not going to do a blog a day. I barely plunk one out once a month now. Why is that? Hmmm. Truthfully, I've had nothing much to blog about - well, okay...that was a lie. I usually have things I WANT to blog about but by the time I sit down to do it, the moment of the situation has passed. SO I do what all (some) bloggers do - I read and run. I am guilty as charged!
Today I am sitting in a hotel near Eglin AFB - a business trip to meet some of our employees that work on the base. I left my handsome husband to miss me, take a PT test this morning and to golf with his unit. I'll leave here this afternoon and make the 6 1/2 hour road trip home and then, as FRG Chair, pull off Family Day tomorrow for our soldiers and families. Yes folks...I am all that and a box of Dove chocolates! ;o)
Speaking of FRG, our Commander is retiring and we have a CoC in a few weeks. I thought...what a great time to resign as FRG leader and transition out. So I meet with both Colonels yesterday morning before leaving for my business trip to discuss my transition. Um...yeah. I walked out of that meeting retaining my title and swearing a blood oath never to try ditching the FRG again (ok...that part wasn't true- the blood oath, I mean).
Well, peeps. That's all you get for this round! I'm off to hunt down a beach and water just so I don't have to go back home and say I never saw it! Big love, hugs and sandy butts to you on this gorgeous Saturday!!
Peace!
Today I am sitting in a hotel near Eglin AFB - a business trip to meet some of our employees that work on the base. I left my handsome husband to miss me, take a PT test this morning and to golf with his unit. I'll leave here this afternoon and make the 6 1/2 hour road trip home and then, as FRG Chair, pull off Family Day tomorrow for our soldiers and families. Yes folks...I am all that and a box of Dove chocolates! ;o)
Speaking of FRG, our Commander is retiring and we have a CoC in a few weeks. I thought...what a great time to resign as FRG leader and transition out. So I meet with both Colonels yesterday morning before leaving for my business trip to discuss my transition. Um...yeah. I walked out of that meeting retaining my title and swearing a blood oath never to try ditching the FRG again (ok...that part wasn't true- the blood oath, I mean).
Well, peeps. That's all you get for this round! I'm off to hunt down a beach and water just so I don't have to go back home and say I never saw it! Big love, hugs and sandy butts to you on this gorgeous Saturday!!
Peace!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
14 years...
Fifteen years ago today I walked into a local business for a meeting...and into my future. It took me a little bit to believe that fate was real and that I had just found the man I will spend my life with. But, here we are today..celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary. It has been the best 12 years of my life! There were 2 of the 14 years where people tried to break us and destroy the family we built together - we survived and have gone on to be stronger and more in love.
Happy Anniversary Babe!! I love you endlessly and completely!
Happy Anniversary Babe!! I love you endlessly and completely!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
It's My Birthday..
And I'll cry if I want to!
I seem to be doing a lot of that lately! It's not from the dread or fear of being 46 (good grief, did I just write that?), or anything to do with any thing. I've just been a bundle of emotions on the inside for a while and I can't really lay the blame or put the finger on any particular thing. I can bitch about my body, my nails, my hair or even my aches & pains..but there's something much deeper - in the depths of my soul - that hurts.
Yes, it's 'grief'-related again. Roll your eyes, plug your ears or just stop reading ~ I don't care. I have searched a great deal lately for just the right words to describe how I feel. I have obsessed over it because the grief has taken me so far under that I'm afraid I can't come out this time. Finally, yesterday on my way home I came to understand what "it" is and it's difficult to swallow.
So...here is what I've realised: I lived 43 years knowing that 2 of the most wonderful people in the whole world LOVED me, unconditionally - whether I was right or wrong. They were excited about me before my birth and they never ever made me not feel loved. I thrived on knowing they LOVED me..with every part of their hearts..in the special way that only a parent can love a child (as I do my own children). In an instant the Love was gone ~ they are gone. Poof! It's bigger than not being any ones daughter/child any more, despite my age...it's that I am no longer loved like they loved me. All of a sudden, my parents don't Love me anymore. They don't love me anymore. That my friends and family is the bulls-eye of my grief..my sadness..and my self-esteem.
I am hoping that by putting these words to paper I will be able to accept them and release myself so that I can truly learn to live and enjoy my life.
Peace!
I seem to be doing a lot of that lately! It's not from the dread or fear of being 46 (good grief, did I just write that?), or anything to do with any thing. I've just been a bundle of emotions on the inside for a while and I can't really lay the blame or put the finger on any particular thing. I can bitch about my body, my nails, my hair or even my aches & pains..but there's something much deeper - in the depths of my soul - that hurts.
Yes, it's 'grief'-related again. Roll your eyes, plug your ears or just stop reading ~ I don't care. I have searched a great deal lately for just the right words to describe how I feel. I have obsessed over it because the grief has taken me so far under that I'm afraid I can't come out this time. Finally, yesterday on my way home I came to understand what "it" is and it's difficult to swallow.
So...here is what I've realised: I lived 43 years knowing that 2 of the most wonderful people in the whole world LOVED me, unconditionally - whether I was right or wrong. They were excited about me before my birth and they never ever made me not feel loved. I thrived on knowing they LOVED me..with every part of their hearts..in the special way that only a parent can love a child (as I do my own children). In an instant the Love was gone ~ they are gone. Poof! It's bigger than not being any ones daughter/child any more, despite my age...it's that I am no longer loved like they loved me. All of a sudden, my parents don't Love me anymore. They don't love me anymore. That my friends and family is the bulls-eye of my grief..my sadness..and my self-esteem.
I am hoping that by putting these words to paper I will be able to accept them and release myself so that I can truly learn to live and enjoy my life.
Peace!
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