29 years

29 years ago I gave birth to tiny beautiful son. There wasn't the neonatal care and technology available like there is today to keep him from being born - Johnathan was born 2 1/2 months ahead of schedule. 2.7 pounds. He fought hard to live before he died about 14 hours later.

For 29 years I've wondered who he would have become, what would he have looked like..many questions without answers.

I had a dream once a long time ago. In it I was sitting against a white wall..crying from grief of missing out on a son I didn't get a chance to know. I was grieving. As I sat crying a young man sat next to me and placed his hand on mine. I leaned over and lay my head in his lap and cried..and cried. In my dream and heart I knew it was Johnathan.

29 years is not near long enough to get over the loss of a child..not long enough to stop grieiving the loss of a child...

The blessing (is there is one) in the life & death of my son is that it led me to have two more amazing children who have grown into amazing adults. Without having gotten pregnant so young with Johnathan, I would not have gotten married and had Josh and Kelley before I had to have a full hysterectomy at 25. His birth set into motion so many things and plans for my life that I never imagined.Z