A Long Drag

I walked into the house tonight. To the stillness. The all familiar quiet. The sound of the dogs "Mom, we are soooo happy to see you" was only a ploy for their afternoon treats. They turned their wet noses up at their dinner and have ignored me for the past 2 hours.

Typical.

Fucking dog.

I will play their damn games...feed, treat, water, repeat.

Life went on.

I turned on NPR, filled a wine glass and cooked dinner for one; the dinner was enough for dinner, lunch & dinner tomorrow. I found  myself staring through the kitchen window into the livingroom....just staring.

I missed her. I wanted to call my her. I wanted to hear her voice..just once...oh God, just one more time. I wanted so bad to call Heaven and beg for her to come back.

Life without a Mother is the loneliest feeling in the entire world! A Mother is the one person who loves you at your complete worse. She was always there...here...every where. I could call her anytime....I could touch her, kiss her, feel her every where. Now...it's an emptiness - a void so deep and wide -  that that is still so fucking unbearable almost 6 years later.

I need a drag from the longest cigarette known to man. A long, slow drag.

Peace