Sooooo.......

There is almost nothing worse than to hear or utter,"Soooooooo" in a converstion. "Soooooo" usually proceeds or follows an awkward moment of silence - the time where there is just nothing to talk about.

What do you do? Do you immediately make a fast exit and hop the next train to anywhere else, or do you change the subject hoping that it will spark something new and interesting to say?! Does it do any good to cough up filler conversation or do you opt for quality over quantity?

Sooooo.... I've been pretty lucky (so far) to get to Skype with my husband twice a day. We've finally moved into the groove of talking just before he goes to bed and just before he goes to work. When it's noon'ish for me, Pook is getting ready to go to sleep (After working 12 hours, chow, shower, maybe run to the PX, stand in line for 2 hrs to do laundry, or countless other things that need to be done). When it's bedtime for me, Rich is getting ready to go to breakfast and work (after going to the gym, showering, getting up & around).

The first part of the deployment we crammed in as much as we could say in the time we had...now as we've moved to a routine and peices are starting to fall in place, we have found ourselves in the "sooooo" zone. Lately, our conversations have fallen into a lull ~ then the frantic attempt for filler conversation begins:

Rich: Hey Babe, how's it going?
Me: Hey Babe, everything's good/okay/overwhelming/alright. So, how was your day/did you sleep well?
Rich: It was busy. Long day. Just got finished grabbing dinner/getting a haircut/taking a shower/doing laundry..I'm tired! or I slept alright/tossed and turned/have been up since 3am. Anything going on at home?
Me: The toilet leaked/the AC broke/work is the same/kids are fine/Jake's good/Whittens are doing fine/blah..blah..
(Time lapse: 8 minutes )

Sooooooooooo.................

Rich: So, nothing's new?
Me: Nope...nothing's new.
Both: Soooooo.....(then we awkwardly throw in crap to talk about for about a minute)
Me: I love you and miss you
Rich: I love you too. Miss you back.
Both: Soooooo.....
Me: Look Babe, there's no sense in trying to make up shit to talk about just to fill the time. It's okay.
Rich: Yeah, you're right (not sure if he really said I was right - but it's my blog and it sounded good)
Me: You go on a get to bed/check email, FB, news/get to breakfast & work and we'll catch each other on the flip-side!
(Time laspe: 8 minutes, 35 seconds)

Both: I love you...kiss..kiss...sleep well/have a good day...I love you...Bye!
(Time lapse: 8 minutes, 50 seconds)

Quality over Quantity!

The Most Beautiful Woman I've Ever Known...

Mama, you were the most Beautiful Woman I have ever known! I ache from the depths of my heart for you ~ I miss you & I love you!

He Had Me at Hello...

I woke up on May 8, 1997 not expecting my life would be changed before I laid my head down to sleep that evening. I was interpreting at a local University and the day held a 'field trip' for my student's Business class. The field trip was a tour of a large manufacturing facility and lunch  for my friend/client/student, "Mike and his classmates. As the class and I gathered in a conference room to await our special tour guide; I never would've imagined that the man who walked in the door, would be the man I would walk down the aisle to marry one year later.

We were introduced, shook hands...my heart knocked, "Helllloooo, I know this guy. Renee, look...I know him". I was at the tail of end of a horrid relationship (Webster hasn't invented the words to describe it, but it was bad). My head threw 'the hand' up in my heart's 'face' - "Talk to the hand, 'cause the Head's not listening to you, Heart"!! My heart's feelings were hurt, tucked tail and retreated.

I remember right before the tour, Rich saw I was having a wee bit of difficult putting anti-statics belts on my heeled pumps..like the Prince to Cinderella, he knelt down and securely fastened each one. Heart: "Beat, beat...but really..don't you recognize....", Head: "Shut the hell up".

So we toured, I worked, we had lunch, we talked. The tour and work ended...we shook hands and parted ways. "Mike" and I were walking away from the building. Right before we got to the parking lot I turned around for a glance back. Rich was standing there with his friend, "Joe", watching us leave.

It took 3 months to slowly progress to our Love Story - my Head and my Heart went to war. The battle was ugly, blood, sweat and tears were shed, both had grown weary. In the end, my Head raised the white flag and my Heart won in the end!  Rich said he knew - but knew I needed time to realize we were meant to be together.

One year later, May 8, 1998 we were married in a wedding chapel in Nashville, TN! We ran into his friend, "Joe" one day soon afterwards.

Joe: "Rich, did you tell her what you said to me that day you met?"
Rich: "No, I never did".
Joe: "Rich said to me, Joe - if she turns around and looks at me, she's mine forever".

My heart laughed... and then smiled. It knew all along!

Happy 12th Wedding Anniversary, Rich! I Love you endlessly and completely! 10,000 Times!

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day!

To Military Spouses Everywhere ~ I am honored to be among the (not so) Silent Ranks with You!

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day to you ALL!

Hooah!

I'll Take an "H" and Solve the Puzzle, Pat"....

D-I -A -L - A -H-U-S-B-A-N-D! (CLAPPING ALL AROUND)!

Murphy's Law! What ever can go wrong will go wrong! So it wasn't all together a huge ass surprise that as soon as Rich went down range...things around the house would start to blink out! It started with the lawnmower belt breaking, moved on to a leaky toilet and progressed to a frozen A/C unit. So, what do I do? I Dial a Husband!

Meet Brian (aka, Bri, Mr. Whitten, Pook's BFF, Rear Detachment Command of Ft. Toney, Connoisseur of all thing beer and wine and Trivial and my deployment Dial-a-Husband):

Brian is my go-to husband while Rich is away. He cuts my grass, takes my garbage to the street (and back), fixed my mower, fixed the leaky toilet and stood in the back yard with a water hose thawing out my A/C unit, and tonight I made a beer run to the Whitten Brewery and came back with 2 beers! On top of that - he and his lovely wife, Leigh Ann (aka, Mrs. Whitten - one half of "The Whittens", my BFF, FRG Leader of Ft. Toney, our Personal Decorator and Room-Stager extraordinaire, and master of all things quick & easy) - don't mind if I'm the 3rd wheel!

After Rich and I got married we looked around our little county subdivision and decided that we needed adult interaction. The pickings were mighty slim! The house across the street went up for sale (thank goodness because the folk living there were rude and snobby). So...we did what normal folks do when you notice someone looking to buy a house...we pressed our noses to the window and sized up the 'potential' neighbors. They looked normal...big YEAH! When we finally realized that they were buying the house Rich and I marched right over, as they stood in their new driveway, and we introduced ourselves - in the blink of an eye, I declared that they were our new best friends...whipped out my Mary Kay lip liner and paper and wrote down our phone number! That's actually the truth! They had NO CHOICE but to give in - we knew where they lived!

Over the past12 years they have truly been the best friends we could ever have dreamed of. From our traditional Friday night Wine & Cheese fest, the ability to throw together a party in a quick second, co-host a rockin' Pampered Chef party,stage a house/room for surprise guests in under 15 minutes, and watch our children grow up... we've stuck together like glue.  Four pillars of love, support and unconditional strength for each other. Even if they are Alabama fans (just kidding.... you know I love ya, folks). We've shared many laughs and tears (and MANY bottles of wine) together - what more could you ask for?

Brian came to be my 'dial-a-husband' by choice - really it was probably more like by default. There is no one on this Earth that Rich and I trust to help out than Brian.Without a Dad, Brothers, Uncles ...etc...around to call-on when I need a hand....Brian more-or-less was drafted to his role. I'm so grateful that he accepted his appointment. I PROMISE to learn to do things myself so not to wear-out my welcome or make you wear out the grass between the driveways!

We've got many stories that I will share along my blog-life! So..until then.... meet Leigh Ann and Brian (my dial-a-husband).... our best friends....The Whittens:

Love, Peace & Cheers to our Best Friends!

No So Wordless Wednesday.....

I think I've been Wordless all since Sunday. I've been sick in the good 'ol Southern allergy-cold-yucky-pollen way! I'm a true Southerner...native to my area.... I hardly ever get sick! WTH?! Usually when everyone else is blowing and snotting all over the palce, I'm passing out the Kleenex and saying "hate that for you"! Well now.....

What started out as an annoying cough over the weekend, started taking me down on Monday! My body ached, my throuat hurt from coughing and I felt like death warmed over. By the time I got home from work all I could do was change my clothes and crawl in bed! I stayed there until 11am Tuesday morning - waking up long enough to email work to let them know I was taking a sick day. I got up and around and went to a doctor's appointment. Last night I slept again - all night. I'm better today - just tired.

I've come to realize that I'm not getting enough sleep! In fact...up until Monday night when my body crashed... I had not slept through the night since Rich left ~ only catnapping here and there... Pook and I have a private blog (Yes, we have our own place to blog to each other that only we share), here is an excerpt from a recent post that I'm sure many of my blog-friends/fellow milspouses can relate to:

Me: "Another week has slipped by. It didn't go quickly and it didn't without lots of tears - but it went by. Many sleepless nights! I find myself waiting by the phone, waiting by Skype, waiting by Facebook, by email, by smoke signal - just to hear from you. It's like watching water boil. Even when I know you are sleeping I still wait. I feel like the image of the lady standing on a cliff, overlooking a harbor... her hand is raised to shield her eyes from the sun as she stands and watches for the ship to come in, bringing her lover home. I watch and I wait...."

So there.. I don't sleep because I'm constantly waiting & watching on-line, even when I KNOW he's not going to be there. It's just the "what if" he pops online - I don't want to miss a chance. There's nothing worse that realizing you've missed a call or going on FB or Skype and seeing that you've missed him by minutes or a few hours.

Rich:  "Please don't feel guilty about settling in. One year is a long time to stand on the edge of a cliff. Don't do it! The faster we both get into a routine, the better. As crazy as that sounds, we both know it's the right thing to do. Our day will come where we both go back to the cliff and wait. At that point, the wait will soon be over because I will see you from the sea; as my lighthouse; shining your light in order for me to find you once again. Lost at sea for now, but not forever!"

So, my body took over my mind and heart and forced me to sleep - 2 nights in a row. I even left my laptop in the kitchen so not to be tempted to sit vigil through the night. As crazy as it may sound to some, knowing that 'it's okay' for me to sleep gave me a peace to do so. Not that Rich  gave me permission to sleep, but he allowed me to give myself permission.

Eventually, Rich & I will find a routine to talk, Skype, or IM Chat. I have to remind myself that there's a war going on around him and I cannot be first and foremost on his every thought. It's a tough pill to swallow, but I hear it goes down well with a nice Cabernet!
 
Love, Peace & A Restful Night to my Love!

May 2, 1966....

Today is my 44th Birthday!

I remember sitting in church when I was little girl, playing with a calculator that I had "snuck" in. While Bro. so-and-so was preaching Hell and damnation, running up and down the aisle of our Freewill Baptist Church, Daddy sitting in the pulpit (he was the Deacon) watching us kids - to make sure we weren't acting up - I punched out numbers into this tiny adding machine. This was in the mid-70's. "What year will it be when I turn  16?" 1983 - Oh, my goodness. That's so far away!! "When I'm 20, what year will it be? " 1987. I can't believe that I will EVER be that old!! " In the year 2000, how old will I be?" 34 - No way!!! Why, that's older than Mama"! Sitting in the pew that Sunday, I was astonished that I would grow old....wouldn't stay a little girl forever.

I wasn't alone in my journey of aging. Just after midnight on May 2, 1966 I was born...followed 5 minutes later by my sister. The story goes that we were a complete surprise! Our heart beats were identical, so through 8 months there was only one strong beat to be heard. One Heart Beat! Now, we've heard stories about how it all went down..the doctor coming out and telling Daddy that there were "2 Babies", Daddy dropped his coffee cup! We were labeled Baby A and Baby B; they had one name picked out, but not another - so they had to go back to the drawing board. When were were packing up Mom & Dad's things a few months ago I came across the receipt "paid in full" for our birth - $250.00.

We also grew up hearing the story about when Rhonda & I were born, our brothers (3 & 1 1/2) each "took a twin"..after a short while they traded!

Being an identical twin has it's challenges - it wasn't easy by a stretch. Well, when we were little there was a comfort in having someone to play with - when we got older it became a pain in the butt. Mama dressed us alike until we were started 7th grade. That year we could wear the same thing but in a different color. In 8th grade we were free to do what we wanted - I cut my long hair off dinky short and we never wore matching clothes again.

We often stood in front of our bedroom mirror just staring at our images. "People are crazy", we'd say. "We don't look a thing alike". I remember one time in our mid-20's, driving up to Michigan where she had moved, early one morning. The sun had just come up. As I drove up to her house, Rhonda was standing on her porch, not a lick of makeup, her long hair blowing, wearing a flannel, jeans and boots - I thought then at that very minute, that she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and I wished I could look like that! I've never forgotten that moment in all these years. She's still the most beautiful!

We fought hard for our own identity; fought the twinness and each other - sometimes winning the battle, sometimes losing it. We were "The Twins", "The Girls", "The Blocker Twins", "Rhonnanea" (to our cousins who couldn't tell us apart). We couldn't escape it. We hated the comparison, the expectations, the feelings of inferiority, jealousy, loneliness, and 'not feeling good enough', the fighting and bickering, that being twins gave us. We went our separate ways during and after high school - following our own paths. It took us 14 years to find the path back to each other.

Rhonda lives with me now that Rich is gone! Who would've though that "The Blocker Twins" would be living under the same roof again? I could almost hear the breath suck in and eyebrow raise from our family when we announced that we'd be living together. Just us (okay..the house is not empty by any stretch), but for the first time - it really is just US. There's a comfort to know that she is on the other side of the house, in the next room, or coming home, that keeps me semi-sane during this time in my life. I hope that I'm a strength for her, too, in some way.

So, Happy Birthday Sister! May you always know that you are beautiful and always remember that I love you! Grow old with me! I Love You!







 Love, Peace & Birthday Cake!