The Phantom Feeling...

Dear Mom and Dad - I miss you so much and I love you endlessly!

My mind and heart play tricks on me. I've read where amputees speak of feeling phantom pain where their body once felt life and I can't help but relate to that in some way. I feel Mom and Dad are here - but knowing in my heart they aren't. It still is not real that they've died. Yesterday I couldn't help myself - I called their cell phones and found myself leaving them messages. There was a sad comfort in dialing their numbers again and leaving a message after the beep. Soon the phones will be turned off and I won't have the luxury of hearing my Dad say "Hello, my name is Record. John can't answer right now so he left me in charge. So if you have a message for him, tell me, and I'll give him the message". My Mom had the the standard voice message - I wish I could hear her voice one more time. So many times throughout the day I 'remember' that I need to call Mama only to be horribly reminded that she's gone.

I didn't cry today. Not yet.