157 days ago I took a trip (How do you Eat an Elephant) back to visit Mom & Dad's families in South Alabama. It had been only a few less than 3 month since they passed away. I found out quickly that I wasn't ready to face the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, my Granny..and the memories that lingered ever so strongly, in those little towns. The first attempt didn't go as well as I had planned. Emotionally spent after 18 hours, I went back home.
My parents' deaths have truly been the most devastating experience of my entire life and I grieve for them every day. Unless you have personally felt the loss of one or both of your parents, you can't imagine and understand the depths of that loss. It's hard to imagine that you are no ones daughter anymore or how it feels to be orphaned. After 44 years, there's no "Home" to go back to anymore..It's been almost 7 months..no, I'm not over it. I will never be over it.
I talked to my 89 year old Granny the other day; she's getting weaker by the passing days. Once Mom and Dad died she seemed to have died right along with them and is just waiting for God to take her Home. Granny said to me, "I sure wish you could come see me". My mouth opened and I said, "How about I do that this weekend. I'll come see you, okay"? What?? I'm not ready to take that trip again!!!
Today I will get back in the 'saddle' and point my 'horse' towards South on I-65. As I drove to work this morning, thinking about my trip - I felt the taste of grief build in my chest... how can I go there alone again? A few hours later my daughter called to say she would go with me! (I think she's secretly going only for the boiled peanuts and little green peas).
Who knows if we will accomplish this trip in the way that we plan...but I hear that there is strength in numbers!
Love, Peace & a Full Life!
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