How Do You Eat An Elephant?

Day 25 continued, Day 24, Day 23.

Day 25: I've realized (the hard way, obviously) that I am not emotionally strong enough yet to tackle a whole elephant; I must eat it in small bites! Friday at noon I set off on a road trip. Just me and my boys (The Eagles) and we flew down the fast lane to South Alabama. Our destination... Geneva & Dothan and family. Geneva - the place where my parents met, fell in love, married and began their life. I was born there and have such wonderful memories of visits to family throughout my childhood. As I rolled into town about 5:00pm, I stopped at Price's Diner to brush my hair and throw in a few eye drops... and to run through my agenda - hoping I could work in a trip to the Oyster Bar downtown sometime over the weekend. YUM!!! I took a right, drove past where the Dixie Dandy used to be, drove past the hospital were I was born...took a turn where an old building once stood (that's my marker that reminds me where to turn) and headed out an old dirt road that ends at my Aunt L's house. As Aunt L (Mom's sister), met me in the yard and wrapped her arms around me I broke into a million pieces. The rush of missing Mama was just too much to bear. We cried and held on for a while - not near long enough; but enough to give me comfort. We "visited" a while then met Aunt M and my cousin's for dinner at the Chinese restaurant. With a satisfied belly I hugged them goodbye to head East to stay the night with Aunt J (Dad's sister). I told Aunt L that I would come back the next night (Sat) and stay with her. Here I go, more country backroads...my boys singing to me all along the way as I cried for my parents. Aunt J was just as excited to see me and held me while I cried more.

Day 24: Saturday morning I drove (cried) to visit Granny (nursing home); we cried together for a few minutes; then she went off on her usual tangents about Papa (wonderful man), who she didn't like and made miserable until his last breath. Then the subject changed to her horrible mother and sisters... it's always the same. After about 1-1/2 hours I was ready to get the hell out of there! Back to Aunt J's where she made a huge lunch full of Home! With another full tummy and more tears, I kissed her goodbye and headed back to Geneva to Aunt L's. Up the road a piece (smile) I came to a crossroad - I could keep going straight and head to Geneva or a right to Home. Through utter grief and tears I took the right. I just couldn't go back to Geneva... I was drained, my chest was full of grief and remembrance and longing, I was lost - so lost that the only place I wanted to go, knew to go, was home. Through my tears I called Aunt L to tell her I was going home; I just couldn't go back again on this trip. I needed to take small steps and I was not strong enough to stay. I cried and drove for 6 hours home. My boys comforted me as the sang to me about Hotel California and Wasted Time.

Day 23: I woke to the sound of the ceiling fan and Jake sighing out of depression. He jumped on the bed, laid his head on Rich's pillow and stared at me. "What do we do now"? he asked. "I don't know, Jake...I don't know. We just have to take small bites".