A Dollar for Those Crickets?

I've been out of sorts lately...missing my Mom and Dad ...A LOT! I've also been down with some shoulder pain issues this week - hence the reason for not much blogging.

So, this morning I called my Honey - the conversation went a little like this:

Me: "Babe (cause I call him that ), did I dream or did we actually have the conversation where I said 'now that you are back to making the big bucks (anything more than military pay is 'big bucks' - can I get an AMEN!), can I start getting my other half of my paycheck back? And then you told me "No"?

Ahem...I may or may not have been under the influence of a little Jack last night. Okay, I'm sure the conversation took place somewhere between finishing the last of the Wild Turkey American Honey (pure YUM in a bottle) and helping myself to some Jack. Clearly for medicinal purposes I assure you, as it relieved my shoulder pain for the night!!

Sidebar for those out there that are playing for the first time: Honey and I have separate bank accounts...he gets 1/2 my paycheck for the household stuff and I keep 1/2.

Honey: "We did have that conversation and I told you no...maybe when we get a little further along."

Me: "Ahhh, well I couldn't remember if we actually talked about that or I dreamed it but I clearly remember you saying No."

Honey:  {I hear crickets...he's clearly not into this discussion} Yeah, you were completely coherent during that conversation and I told you no."

End of conversation.

Honey picks me up for lunch.

Me: yada, yadda.... "I haven't done much today other than balance my checkbook and pay some bills...yadda...yadda. I have $XX left in my account".

Honey: {silence - notice how he's not getting drawn into my web?} If you really want to, then you can keep $200 of what you give me"

Now, I'm not stupid...I hear in his voice that he really does not want to make any changes to our financial arrangement..he threw that out there as bait to see if I would grab the dough and run. If I said " I'll take the cash and thanks for playing", then I'd end up feeling like a heel because he is making wise financial decisions for our future while I just want to go and buy a new Vera Bradley handbag....bleck!

Me: "No, that's okay. You really don't want me to make any changes to my direct deposit...I know you! You just said that to make me feel better but you REALLY don't want to."

Honey: "Yeah, notice how I wasn't really pushing your money back at you!"

After lunch and a kiss in the parking lot I said "Honey, if you would just give me your credit card I could swing by and pick up that VB handbag I want on my way home from work".  {BIG sweet smile}

Honey: {crickets again}

Damn.

Not Feeling It Today

I'm just not feeling it today. Not sure what it is or should feel like...but I sure am not there.

I'm not sad by any means...

certainly not depressed (at least I don't think so).

I'm just not feeling it.

That's all!

How Much Does a Deed Cost? ( Part 2)

(Warning: This post talks about Sex. Kids....you may want to look away. Yes, Dad & I still do that at our age!)

So where was I? Oh yeah...I left off at the prelude to the deed.

As I said in the prelude Rich and I have found a great deal of humor with our weekly appointments. We completely have too much fun at our own expense and find more ways to joke about it than we ever imagined. At our age its too funny not to laugh at ourselves.

After a recent bonus event we lay there talking about life and plans. I brought up a decision that was heavy on my heart and there was money involved. I wanted $100. If he give me half of what I needed I would put up the other half? (we keep separate banks accts). After briefly telling him the reason, he didn't blink an eye and without hesitation he supported my request.

The very next morning he and transferred all of the money I needed (not just half) into my bank account. With the half I had originally planned and the whole that he gave me, I was able to take care of my request and then some ($150). We joked later that day about how expensive our bonus activity had been and he said I owed him $50 back since I only asked for $50 and he gave me $100. Sorry, there are no refunds here! He wasn't serious but it made for a good laugh as we bantered back and forth about the worth of that roll. 

That night there was another bonus in our weekly schedule (still not exempting him from the schedule day, mind you).

Afterward I say something romantically sweet to my husband.

he leans into my ear...

so gently and lovingly and says....

"you still owe me $50". 

I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard!! I completely came unhinged in laughter that I can't help but laugh as I type this now. His timing was perfectly planned and I swear he planned the whole event just to use that line! I have a feeling that I will hear that I owe him $50 for a long time coming!

I'll stop talking about the Deed now as I'm sure my children are cringing about right now while reading this. I can almost hear my son's voice saying "Oh, God Mom.....do you have to bring this crap up?"

If there is a moral to any story, the moral to this one is to love and laugh whenever and in whatever way you can.

Prelude to the Deed

(Warning: This post talks about Sex. Kids....you may want to look away. Yes, Dad & I still do that at our age!)

Several years ago a tornado (not a real twister...I'm using a metaphor here) blew into our lives...stayed for a couple of years and then blew out again. I won't go into specifics about the 'tornado' or it's cause, but my family was left in individual heaps of rubble; Bleeding, damaged and lost. It hovered over and in our lives for two years. It took about another year for the shock and dismay to pass before we began to rebuild our family and start the healing process. Honestly, we still feels the effects to this day.

During the 2 years of Hell (as we refer to it) my husband and I completely lost each other. He became someone that I didn't marry or recognize and I became someone I hated. Much to the enjoyment of others our marriage suffered greatly during those years and there were moments that neither of us wanted to keep going....the forces that were pulling us apart were so strong and we began to get too weary to keep going through the battle. We each were fighting our own offensive in the whole of the major battle. For 2 long years we lost our companionship, our trust in anything, and our desire for each other. When I tell you that we were tired and so close to throwing our the white flag and just giving in to the forces...I tell the truth. At one point my husband just...left. for a couple of days I didn't know where he was or if he would come back; neither did he. Through that time in our life we remained faithful to our vows and to each other - lest anyone would think I'm talking about any interference of that nature. We had lost the desire for each other and the will to find our way back. Our children were scarred and we couldn't help them. It was such a hard time in our lives.

For two years my husband and I rarely spoke kind words (or much of any words) to each other. We became ghost figures passing in the hallway and laying in bed at night. Conversations were hollow and on the surface; there just wasn't anything to say. There was no intimacy or sex at all. We didn't kiss or hold hands - it's like we had cooties! (I had to throw in something to make you smile). Yes, for 2 years we lived alone within ourselves. The outside forces had built this glass wall between us - we could see each other but we couldn't reach each other.

The turning point came one morning when another metaphorically RPG was launched. I looked at my husband and said to him "I'm going to work now. I don't give a damn what you have to do, but you have 8 hours to fix whatever the hell it is because if you don't, I am moving out tonight". During those hours my husband made the first step to healing not only himself, but he started the process of healing our family unit. He saved us that day. In the days and weeks that followed we drew the strength to start pulling the family back together and taking control of our lives. It took another six months for us to begin working on the rubble of our marriage.

After 2 1/2 years we were like virgins all over again....awkward...stumbling...worried...it was more mechanics that emotion. Our insecurities were running so high that we left that moment wondering if we could get that "spark" in our marriage back or if we were left with this shell of space where desire and intimacy used to live. After a while and a lot of honest talking we came up with a plan. Once a week on a specific day, we would make love. Come hell or high water it would happen and we each had one week to get minds wrapped around the deed. At first it was like having to brush your teeth..something that you just do without thinking too much about it. As the weeks turned into months we began to find the humor, the fun and the closeness again in our relationship, marriage and commitment. We began to anticipate our weekly time together and use that time to not only make love, but to use the intimacy to talk and remember why we fell in love with each other. It was in those days where we fell in love with each other again.

Aside from times beyond our control (like when my Dad was sick) and a pesky year-long deployment my husband and I have maintained our weekly appointment. On some occasions I get lucky and we veer outside of 'our day' (those times DO NOT exempt us from our real day...it's just a bonus). There are times when I get 'that look' and he will remind me what day it is and that I have to wait. A schedule is a schedule! He makes me laugh at those times!

We have found so much laughter in our schedule. It saved our marriage and I swear by it. When the LAST thing you want to do is make love to your spouse, when life gets in the way and you are tired or distracted, or when you just don't have the will or desire ~ setting aside one hour a week and making a commitment to each other can make all the difference in the world. We have never been closer and more in love than we are right this minute.

(I Love you Babe!!)

Next post....The "DEED"...a much more humorous post.

I Think I've Seen it All Now!

I work in a professional office for a well-known Engineering company....in HR. Today we had a college intern start for some Summer work and experience. That's great!!!

As I walk back to my office from grabbing a cup of coffee I happen to glance into the conference room where this COLLEGE STUDENT (Junior/Senior-level) is going through orientation.

That's even better - he showed up!

But WAIT.....who is lady sitting next to him????

Wait for it...........

HIS

MOTHER!!!

No shit!! This Jr/Sr.-level COLLEGE STUDENT brought his MOTHER to his first day on THE JOB!!!!!!

What's worse is that HIS MOTHER actually CAME WITH HIM!!!!!

Now I think I've seen it all!

Orr What?

Friday night my daughter graduated from college....

Kelley is the first grandchild to graduate from college.

I was the first of my parent's children.

My Father was the first of his parent's children.

We are so proud of Kelley!

As graduation ceremonies go, this one was your a-typical event. music, lengthy speeches and graduations picking up their empty 'degree' folder on one side of the stage and dropping it off on the other side. Babies and toddlers were crying (taking infants/toddlers to such events is just wrong...and will be saved for another blog) and the hard concrete benches were getting harder by the minute.

Alabama State Senator Arthur Orr was the Commencement Speaker. In my opinion it is people like him that completely keep racism, discrimination and segregation alive and well in the South! Central and North Alabama just got hammered and partially destroyed by tornadoes. Pictures just can not do the destruction of life, property and cities, justice - howevere, it would make sense to reference the tragic events on April 27th in any speech about triumph and moving forward that you'd give to graduates. Senator Orr made such a reference to the tornadoes..then tainted his speech by saying, "....we saw Whites helping Blacks, Blacks helping Whites. Catholics helping Protestants, Protestants helping Catholics. Poor helping Rich, Rich helping the Poor....."

My husband and I just looked at each other as in "What????" A more powerful statement would have been, 'we saw communities, neighbors, strangers come together...'. Why would he (or anyone) see fit to put a label on who helped who? Maybe he's a Rich Catholic White man that needed to put emphasis on what HE did throughout the tornado aftermath??? (I do not know that his religious or financial standing). Just saying out loud. Help, comfort, support does not come with labels when homes, lives, livelihoods lay in heaps of twisted wood and metal across cities/communities/neighborhoods.

AnyORR...the content of his speech was inappropriate and his timing sure sucked!

Another graduation story to share: So, my husband, son-in-law and I were sitting on on the top row of a set of indoor bleachers. There is a rail behind us separating another set of bleachers. Kelley had just gotten her degree - still about 100-125 still to get theirs (out of about 350). Beau leans back and says "She's getting ready to bail". I said "Kelley wouldn't do that". Beau: "Just watch". A couple of minutes later our daughter gracefully gets up, head up with eyes straight ahead, and walks out the auditorium. I was stunned in shock watching my daughter bail on the graduation ceremony! We hurriedly scrambled up and over the back railing of the bleachers (there weren't stairs near us and the crowd was thick as thieves) and find her in the lobby.

She is such a rebel...just like her Daddy!

The Case of the Disappearing Blog Post...

Call the Cops! Call out the National Guard...the CID...the CIA...the FBI!!
I've been robbed..jacked....stolen from....thieved!!

On Wednesday I posted a post called "Dear You". It was a pissing rant about a tailgater who rode my ass for 14 of the 18 minutes it takes to get from home to work. This jerk didn't even get to where he was going any fast as we were turning at the same time into our respective destinations.

So, yesterday morning I signed in to Blogger and my post was gone! Disappeared! Just vanished into thin blog-air without a trace! A couple of my faithful silent followers thought I may have deleted it (what's a few cuss words and a picture of a flip-off? I have certainly seen way worse in other blogs). I went to go to my dashboard to have a look-see, maybe it mysteriously got moved ...instead I got an error message that Blogger was down. WTF? My initial thought  (other than WTF, Chuck)...was maybe Blogger had some issues and went down in the heat of a moment. When it came back up it came back with posts/information at its last backup? That's a stretch, I know, but I am completely perplexed!

To set the record straight...I did not delete that post! I learned a long time ago that my words are my words and if you read them and don't agree with them or don't like what I write...tough shit! I blog for my own sanity, my own enjoyment.

So where did my post go? I have no effing idea! But it's gone as gone can be!

Pooof!

The Accidental Hunter

There are many things that my husband is..

He is a the King

of

 The Spreadsheet!

and

The Kitchen & Grill

He is a Lover

A Friend

A Hot, Bad-ass guy on his Motorcycle Dude!

A Sun Worshiper

A Grandfather (he's called Papa)

He is a Soldier

and

My Heart's Desire

He is so many more things...

Too many to list

But, he is NOT a Hunter!

Until 4:30am this morning.

He and I rose from our slumber after the second snooze alarm sounded. We quietly went our separate way to get dressed; in thought and anticipation at what was ahead of us so early. What was waiting and lurking our THERE for us? Only time will tell. Armed with our arsenal of equipment: gloves, water, a towel or two, iPods (wait...damn...where's my iPod???) - okay Rich has HIS and I am without. (Don't get him started on how I lose and misplace E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!)

It's dark out, darker than dark, as he pulls out of the driveway to meet the challenge and adventure that awaits us...out THERE. The first strike happened about 2 miles up the road as a little dog (yes, I KNOOOOWWW)....darted from out of a field on the right. The little thing didn't stand a chance and we couldn't avoid the impact. ME: "Was that a fox?" Pook: "No, it was a pit-bull type dog". Both: "Damn!" He turned around to see what we could see...to do what we can do...the dog/puppy had run away towards some houses. Trust me when I say - it was not safe to get out and traipse around in the dark looking for a wounded animal, especially not in a tornado impacted (this part was not severely impacted) area where it is a known fact that looters will be shot on site)!

We continued on our way to the gym. A few miles down the road a stinking Raccoon darted across the road - NO, we did not hit it...lucky bastard! Rich: "It's a bad omen...something is telling me this is a bad idea to be getting out this early to go to the gym".

We get to the gym and finish our workout...head home. Half way home there was another animal that made an attempt but changed it's mind. Oh...We did do a slow drive by (again) looking for the dog/puppy...the sun had come up and we could see behind a house that there were 3 other pit-bull looking dogs running around the yard (no fence, no chains...running free like the wind). That's another blog - another time!

So, my accidental hunter and I made it back home...a little tired/sore...a little bewildered after the drive through the wildlife sniper zone. We could only shake our heads at the senseless disregard for keeping pets safe. As for the raccoon...that little bandit was lucky to be so quick!

A Smashing Good Morning!

What a way to start the day! Nothing like a Mammogram to get the blood pumping! It was that time of year for me - time to get the "Girls" checked out. If you've never had one of these tests done, let me enlighten you...

First off most clinics are SUPER DUPER nice and respectful. Mine is no exception! The women who work there do there absolute best at trying to make the whole experience as pleasant as possible given the circumstances and the pain involved.

Into a dressing room I went to change into a drape (waist up). The machine has two plexiglass panels that you put your boob on - one at a time - the tech pushes and pulls to try and get, not only the boob in position, but as much as the chest wall tissue also. The whole time she is doing that she is lowering one panel down to completely smash all the tissue. After a few turns of the shoulder here and there and 'please hold your breath'...one picture is done. There are 2 to each breast, each with its own level of discomfort. By the time she says "hold your breath" I couldn't even take a breath at all because I was so constricted.

                                                (This is not me and this is not my boob)

Almost immediately the Technician pulls up the images and we scan them together. She explains what we are looking at and what she would see if there was some issue to see at all. I was all clear and out the door. The whole process from check-in to walk out took 20 minutes.

My chest wall muscles are a bit sore right now but it's a small price to pay for prevention!

Boobs up ladies...save them at all cost!!

And The Lights Came On...

Thursday morning I went back to work following the tornadoes that ravaged so much of the South. I arrived early to the company gym for a HOT shower...it was WONDERFUL despite forgetting to pack a razor to shave my legs! By the time I arrived home that afternoon our electricity was on (cable/Internet came back Sat.).

I have to admit that I CAN live without electricity (with a generator, of course)...my family and I spent time huddled around the kitchen table talking, laughing, sharing by oil lamp and candles. Dinners were more intimate with friends and it was actually...Fun! The ONE thing that almost sent me over the edge was not having hot water! Lukewarm bird baths and lukewarm leg shaving (shiver) was not my kind of roughing it and I hated those moments of  "damn, I need to warm up some water on the cook stove so I can take a bath"...trust me when I say that it was not the least bit warm!

Saturday Rich & I worked in the yard getting it all 'back to normal'. There's almost a guilt there that we are able to do that when there is not a normal anymore for 70 families in our neighborhood.  I feel guilty every day when I drive in/out of the neighborhood, past house after house that has been utterly destroyed...I drive on up the hill to my street and the only reminder of the tornado is downed trees that have been cut up. There is nothing more to do for the neighborhood; all that's left is to bulldoze the debris and repair house that are salvageable. It's eerily quiet down there when I drive through..ghost-town'ish.

Yesterday Rich & I took a long bike ride across Alabama and up to Tennessee. Along the way we passed so many neighborhoods that look just like ours. It's easy to sit back (because I've done it) and thought...what about our neighborhood?? Where are the resources? It took 5 days for the Red Cross to start showing up...and EMS? Well, we think about the same time, but we can't be for sure. Then I see that there aren't just  MANY places just like our neighborhood....there are actually TOWNS. We are not the only ones! It's heart-breaking.

These were totally just random words...

15 Seconds ..

That's all it took for this

(taken a few miles from my home)

to go through my neighborhood and leave this...

So...Rich & I (and my brother and his wife) left Tuesday afternoon for Bike Week, a day early to beat the rain and storms that were predicted for North and Central Alabama. We rode late into the night before stopping South of Montgomery to sleep; then on to PCB on Wed. around noonish.

While high-fiving ourselves that we skirted the storms and arrived safely, Alabama was being hit my multiple tornadoes (EF4 and EF5). Around 4pm Wednesday our daughter calls from underneath our basement stairs, frightened, as she listens to the tornado raging outside our home in the neighborhood below (our house sits on the side of a hill). It was over in 15 seconds - taking one life and totally destroying approx. 50 homes and severly damaging at least that many.

We started receiving texts and pictures the next day (Thurs) - the pictures just didn't do the actual any justice at all. Our home sustained minor damage (some roof damage, downed pine trees, shutters and window screens blown off, debris from other areas..) and electricity for most all of North Alabama was out. Knowing our home was safe in the hands of our neighbors, we made the decision to stay where we were until Sunday (the kids and their spouses drove down on Friday to join us).

The ride home was....almost sickening. There was complete dread of seeing what we knew to be true. Once we got to our little community and began to see a fraction of the damage done our hearts just sank. We rode in to our neighborhood and were met by a police officer from Mobile, AL..we had to tell him that we lived in the neighborhood before we could go in. Once we got into the streets all we could do was stop and cry. It was so surreal...still is.

We jumped in to help with our little neighborhood food/water/ice station - cooking meals and delivering them to the masses that were glass-eyed, picking through the rubble that used to be their homes trying to find anything that they could salvage. We listened to stories, we shared and we cared for our own.

Without electricity (still without - the utility company hasn't been able to get into the neighborhood to replace the broken and lost poles/lines) we haven't been able to follow news and email (much less blog) but we know there are so many towns and communities completely obliterated and there was much loss of life. When I've grown tired of heating water on a cook stove just to take a lukewarm bath, or having to grab a flashlight or oil lamp to get dressed, or start to whine about not having internet or tv, I look out my back window to the streets below.

We are blessed and grateful!