Prelude to the Deed

(Warning: This post talks about Sex. Kids....you may want to look away. Yes, Dad & I still do that at our age!)

Several years ago a tornado (not a real twister...I'm using a metaphor here) blew into our lives...stayed for a couple of years and then blew out again. I won't go into specifics about the 'tornado' or it's cause, but my family was left in individual heaps of rubble; Bleeding, damaged and lost. It hovered over and in our lives for two years. It took about another year for the shock and dismay to pass before we began to rebuild our family and start the healing process. Honestly, we still feels the effects to this day.

During the 2 years of Hell (as we refer to it) my husband and I completely lost each other. He became someone that I didn't marry or recognize and I became someone I hated. Much to the enjoyment of others our marriage suffered greatly during those years and there were moments that neither of us wanted to keep going....the forces that were pulling us apart were so strong and we began to get too weary to keep going through the battle. We each were fighting our own offensive in the whole of the major battle. For 2 long years we lost our companionship, our trust in anything, and our desire for each other. When I tell you that we were tired and so close to throwing our the white flag and just giving in to the forces...I tell the truth. At one point my husband just...left. for a couple of days I didn't know where he was or if he would come back; neither did he. Through that time in our life we remained faithful to our vows and to each other - lest anyone would think I'm talking about any interference of that nature. We had lost the desire for each other and the will to find our way back. Our children were scarred and we couldn't help them. It was such a hard time in our lives.

For two years my husband and I rarely spoke kind words (or much of any words) to each other. We became ghost figures passing in the hallway and laying in bed at night. Conversations were hollow and on the surface; there just wasn't anything to say. There was no intimacy or sex at all. We didn't kiss or hold hands - it's like we had cooties! (I had to throw in something to make you smile). Yes, for 2 years we lived alone within ourselves. The outside forces had built this glass wall between us - we could see each other but we couldn't reach each other.

The turning point came one morning when another metaphorically RPG was launched. I looked at my husband and said to him "I'm going to work now. I don't give a damn what you have to do, but you have 8 hours to fix whatever the hell it is because if you don't, I am moving out tonight". During those hours my husband made the first step to healing not only himself, but he started the process of healing our family unit. He saved us that day. In the days and weeks that followed we drew the strength to start pulling the family back together and taking control of our lives. It took another six months for us to begin working on the rubble of our marriage.

After 2 1/2 years we were like virgins all over again....awkward...stumbling...worried...it was more mechanics that emotion. Our insecurities were running so high that we left that moment wondering if we could get that "spark" in our marriage back or if we were left with this shell of space where desire and intimacy used to live. After a while and a lot of honest talking we came up with a plan. Once a week on a specific day, we would make love. Come hell or high water it would happen and we each had one week to get minds wrapped around the deed. At first it was like having to brush your teeth..something that you just do without thinking too much about it. As the weeks turned into months we began to find the humor, the fun and the closeness again in our relationship, marriage and commitment. We began to anticipate our weekly time together and use that time to not only make love, but to use the intimacy to talk and remember why we fell in love with each other. It was in those days where we fell in love with each other again.

Aside from times beyond our control (like when my Dad was sick) and a pesky year-long deployment my husband and I have maintained our weekly appointment. On some occasions I get lucky and we veer outside of 'our day' (those times DO NOT exempt us from our real day...it's just a bonus). There are times when I get 'that look' and he will remind me what day it is and that I have to wait. A schedule is a schedule! He makes me laugh at those times!

We have found so much laughter in our schedule. It saved our marriage and I swear by it. When the LAST thing you want to do is make love to your spouse, when life gets in the way and you are tired or distracted, or when you just don't have the will or desire ~ setting aside one hour a week and making a commitment to each other can make all the difference in the world. We have never been closer and more in love than we are right this minute.

(I Love you Babe!!)

Next post....The "DEED"...a much more humorous post.