'Spanx...for the Memories'

OH. MY. GOODNESS!

Spanx.

(this s NOT me)

I'm not sure what kind of diabolical person came up with these things, but I'm sure there was a hint of tortuous glee in the glint of his/her eye!

I have graduated from my ever-so-lovely waist binder to a heavy duty compression garments (i.e. Spanx). A couple of weeks ago my honey bought me a pair of Spanx in anticipation of this point of my recovery. Silly girl that I am, couldn't wait to try them on. After pulling and tugging I just couldn't get them over the swelling in my hips (and I was still tender in the tummy), so I think to myself, "hey, maybe if I cut them...they would fit right". Yeah, Rich hates when I think! $42 just went in the garbage. Over the weekend I had to confess my error in thinking and beg (okay, not really) for redemption and another $42 pair of Spanx, under the promise to NOT take scissors to them.

Now, for anyone NOT familiar with this type of undergarment, let me give you a description. Spanx are like a layer of skin made to hold in ever single dimple on your ass and wrinkle on your tummy. You literally have to fold the fake skin over the real skin in such a manner that it is impossible to breath at the same time. There was one point in my Spanx dance this morning that I looked at myself in the mirror, one hand sticking out of the bottom on the Spanx leg, one hand pulling up the ass, and I almost cried in wish for one more arm.

After a true 15 minutes of work I finally succeeded in getting the damn things on and up (it's a high-waist Spanx), only to notice that I forgot to put my underwear on (normal people wouldn't wear undies with them, but I've never been normal) - thank goodness for the 'boxer-short' type fold down there', but still.......

Then I remembered...GREAT ~ I haven't gone to the bathroom yet (you know what I mean). These things should some with a flap in the back like those footed pajamas; BUTT (ha!) they don't! When (and if) that time comes I will literally have to get completely naked in the bathroom at work because it's gonna take all of the free range of motion and space (handicap stall) that I can muster just to get them down and up within 30 minutes. Just the thought makes me miss my binder {shiver}!

I'm on a Spanx/binder/compression garment diet for the next 3 weeks. Lord Help me!