Oh, the Conversations in My Head..

There are many people without filters on their mouth. They are able to say what they want, when they want, to whom they want, and without any regard for anyone in earshot. If someone pisses them off or hurts their feelings, all bets are off and the verbal assault is on. I actually admire them for their devil-may-care attitude ~ unless it's directed at me!

I am not like this. As a matter of fact, unless pushed to the very end of my tolerance cliff, I generally will not begin or participate in a verbal tirade with another person. That's not to say that I'm weak and will just take and take from someone that has offended me, it just means that I can control my mouth. I get that from my Mother!

Now...my head is a different story.

This past week has been a toughie for me...on 2 occasions I have been hurt that turned to anger, on another I have been in a mixture of grief/anger. As much as I wish I was a total stark-raving bitch, I've control myself quite well I think. My sister once called it going into my "HR-mode"...maybe she's right. As much as I would LOVE to let loose and verbally (or physically) strip the skin right off of those that hurt/angered me, I realize that I'm a damn adult and expending that much energy towards someone only benefits the other person because 'they got to me' or 'got even', I guess. That's also not to say that I didn't find one of the offenders on FB and send them a point blank message about how her immature actions have impacted me. It wasn't an angry cuss-wording-filled tirade (why bother?), but it was direct. And it's also not to say that I didn't send a nice thoughtful note to another offender. I can be a bitch with kindness dripping from my fangs!

In my head though...I can do some damage. I hold one-sided conversations with these people and let loose with both barrels blazing. It's a deadly sick place up there between my ears! I can come up with some scary shit to say to someone if given the chance to finally say whatever the hell I want. It would literally change lives and have wild animals scurrying for shelter! When I hear stupid crap that someone says indirectly about me, my tongue does not release the venom lurking in my mouth; instead I may spout out something tame'ish and assault them with horrific thoughts of dismemberment in silent thought!

Oh..yes, it's a terrible place to be and sometimes I scare the hell out of myself!

Why this post today? Well, I was driving into work thinking about something someone said about me - I don't care enough to address the person directly so in my head I told him all of the things I wanted to say...and I feel better now! AND NOOOOOOO..it was not my wonderful, awesome husband!

(p.s. - Rich & kids...for the record NOTHING has happened today to bring about this post. It's just what I wanted to write about.).

Peace!