Out of No Where..

Saturday morning my husband and I got up at 5:30am, got dressed and headed to the local armory. One of our local units was leaving for deployment, taking with it one of my dearest and closest friends.

We made it to the armory 45 minutes before the buses rolled; found Dana and got to spend a few moments with her and her family. A few hugs later, Rich & I slipped away as she spent a few last precious moments with her family before stepping into formation.

Once we drove away I told Rich that it was difficult to watch families being torn apart like that; kids and spouses crying and grasping for just one more kiss..one more touch..one more picture. When Rich deployed there was no ceremony, no gathering. His unit was a four-man team..it was 6am..I drove him to the armory in the early morning darkness, took a few pictures and kissed until our lips had to part. There were no words spoken by command, no formations, nothing. Just four Soldiers, one SR. NCO and a van to take them to the MOB station.

I began to cry Saturday morning as the flood of emotions came back to me from that cold April morning more than a year ago. The remembrance of driving away and knowing my life had just changed and I was alone in only the "aloneness" that a spouse can feel. I felt the nights of coldness and fear, the ghost-walks through the house looking at my life but not recognizing anything.

I found myself back to the times of sheer loneliness that came and went many times throughout the deployment year..oh, the deep pains of grief, the sleepless nights. I cried in the car with my husband for each of the days in the year we were apart; the emotions flooded out of me without warning.

I had never taken time to grieve for what deployment took from us and what it cost us both individually.

I cried the other morning for my Friend and for the families & Soldiers who had just gathered to separate.

Peace..